Always Beside You
by Dreamingwithwings000
Summary: Makoto Get's a Girlfriend. Haru doesn't know how to take it. A story filled with misunderstandings, hidden feelings, and an incredible bond. Not all soulmates are thousands of miles apart. They might even be right beside you.
1. Chapter 1

Always Beside You

Rating: M- for language, eventual smut, and cavity-inducing fluff (and sassy Haru. thats a dangerous weapon in itself)

Pairings: Makoharu, Reigisa, Sourin

Full Summary:

Makoto was a stud on campus, and everyone- including the guys- knew it. So it wasn't odd when he received another confession from a smitten admirer. To Haru, it was as common as rain. What made this girl any different? Makoto said yes.

When Makoto get's a girlfriend, Haru convinces himself that he doesn't care. Why should he? It didn't affect him any! But not even he can explain away the thumping in his chest, the knots in his stomach, and the halt of his heart as he stares into eyes of green.

 **A story that proves not all soulmates are thousands of miles apart. They might even be right beside you.**

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

1.

Tokyo was different from Iwatobi in every conceivable way. This Haru had come to understand quite quickly upon his arrival to his new home. It was twice as big, three times more populated, and everything had that unfamiliar feel that made him yearn for the pool way back at school. More than once the new location had filled him with uncertainty, and even left him uncomfortable and wishing to go back home where everything felt just so much more _safe._ But there was one thing that Tokyo had that home no longer did. Makoto. That was enough to ease any worries he had. As long as Makoto was here with him, it would be okay.

After all, there was nobody as comfortable and constant in his life like Makoto was. From diapers to swimsuits and even graduation cap and gowns they had been by each other's sides with very little change. The closest to separation they ever got was their argument last year at the fireworks and that was a scene that Haru had already long since buried in the deepest cavity of his heart so he would never again have to relive the pain it brought him. No, to him Makoto would forever be that hand offered to him at the end of the pool, and nothing would ever change that. Always waiting, always steady. The great thing about Iwatobi was that everyone knew this. Tokyo, however, did not.

It was like somebody had given baby a new toy, and now everyone was enthralled by Makoto. They grabbed at him like candy as if he was something to be passed around. Really, it was quite ridiculous and it annoyed Haru immensely. They could hardly walk to some café for tea without a group of girls stopping to chat with him, or even some guys wondering if he would sub in for their football team because of a missing player. Even the cats thought he was some amazing toy to snuggle. Haru was rather glad Makoto's apartment banned pets or the giant orca would be drowning in the furry little devils.

Really, though, it wasn't that he was upset others were paying attention to Makoto. As his best friend, he already knew how great Makoto could be and understood why people would be interested in him. No, what got on his nerves was that this happened while it was _his_ time with Makoto. The understanding that had been in Iwatobi where they came as a team had completely dissolved into two separate beings who saw the potential of Makoto and ignored Haru completely, even if they had already had prior plans.

And with the gentle nature that Makoto had, he couldn't even say no to these people. Haru wondered if he even knew the existence of such a word. He could vaguely recall him using the word on Nagisa once, but he might have been just winging it there since Nagisa was rather insane and probably didn't know the word either. So while Makoto was chatting with girls or engaging in sports, Haru was left on the sidelines to watch.

But Haru dealt with it. He knew it would be selfish to keep Makoto to himself, and really he was sure that though he probably could survive off of Makoto's company alone, Makoto could not. He needed the presence of other people and that was something Haru knew he could not provide. In all honesty, Makoto was like a puppy. A large, never-say-no puppy.

Haru knew it was going to be a confession even before Makoto seemed to. He could tell in the way Makoto had been staring right at her, a look of friendly interest on his face. The oblivious giant had no idea that this girl was flirting with him. But Haru knew because he had seen it before. The way she pushed her hair behind her ear no less than ten times a minute, how she titled her body ever so lightly so that she was closer to him, and oh god that laugh. There was no way that could be her natural laugh. Haru could hear it all the way at the entrance, where he was currently waiting for Makoto to arrive at so they could go back to his place for a study session. It sounded like some digital monster.

He had to admit, though. Makoto's current predator was quite pretty. She had the darkest of black hair, straight as a ruler all the way down to her lower back. It flowed ever so slightly in the wind, as if the wind was her wingman or something. Her body shape in general was elegant, not like a dolls but with actual curves that couldn't be natural. _She has to be an athlete_ , haru decided. _Outdoor sport._ He added to the tan noticeable on her skin. _Track?_

Before he could analyze her any further, there was a change in their movement and she was grabbing his hand, looking down at the ground before staring up at him. If Haru could see her face, he would be sure she was fluttering her eyelashes in that freaky ability girls just seemed to be born with.

The way Makoto's face cut from a smile to an abrupt 'o' shape told him that she had finally cut the act and confessed. Even from here Haru was able to watch the blush start from the edge of Makoto's ears and dance across his face until he was bright red to the point Haru was sure he could cook mackerel on it. He smirked at the sight, looking up at the sky as a bird flew by.

He wondered how Makoto would decline this time. This wasn't the first confession Makoto had received, after all. Even in high school, Makoto had been quite popular with the ladies. He could still remember quite vividly the first one the brunette had ever received. He had been taken off-guard so much that he ended up blubbering out nonsense sentences and Haru had to speak up in his stead. By now, he was used to it and Haru didn't have to. It was the closest to no Makoto ever seemed to get, though he never truly declined a girl upfront. He was sly in the way he would always come up with an excuse to get out of the situation without dashing the poor girls hopes.

Honestly, to Haru he thought that was crueler then letting them know right away he wasn't interested. In this way they couldn't move on and find some other person to fall for. But Makoto didn't have the ability to be a heartbreaker. He was too kind.

When Haru looked back over to where they stood, the girl was gone and Makoto was making his way over to him.

"Haru!" he smiled, waving at him as Haru pushed off from the wall and grabbed his bag off the ground. "I hope you weren't waiting too long."

"Not really." He replied, stretching his arm a little bit. It was a bit sore from swimming practice. He was going to ask Makoto to help stretch him out later. "Who was that girl?" It wasn't as if his talk with her had been a private one, and yet Makoto jumped as if Haru had figured out this deep dark secret of his.

"Ah- uh… a girl." _Duh._ Makoto itched his cheek like he always did when he was nervous, and Haru eyed him suspiciously. "Uh, she confessed to me." He admitted. _Again duh._ Haru wouldn't say that out loud though, and acted as if this was a surprise to him.

"Oh, really?" did that sound too fake? Probably. But Makoto didn't seem to notice. They came to stop as the crosswalk light turned red. "How did you let her down this time?" the electricity in the air suddenly seemed to static, and all Haru could hear was absolute silence. Makoto was not answering. Makoto was not telling him how he let her down easy. Makoto was instead pushing back his bangs and laughing a bit and avoiding his eye contact _completely_.

"Actually I… Didn't." More laughter like he was admitting something embarrassing. "I agreed to a date. We're… going to the movies this Friday." The light turned green, and automatically they both started to move across the street.

"Oh?" his voice sounded un-interested, but inside his heart was pounding. He pushed off the reasoning on the surprise of Makoto's answer. That had to be it. That had to be why all he kept hearing was static.

"Yeah." And he smiled. Not one of those fake smiles that he sometimes gave, the ones only Haru knew because there was only a distinct difference if you knew where to look, but a true, genuine smile. "I have a couple of classes together with her and she's really nice and funny. I thought why not?" he paused, a look of giddiness, _actual giddiness_ , appearing on his face. Had he even ever seen that expression on Makoto's face before? "It could be fun! My first date!"

"What's her name?" Haru asked, not looking away from Makoto's face for a moment.

"Hiromi." Haru didn't know why, but he thought the name was ugly.

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Well, there she is, the first chapter! This story started out as a headcanon between me and a friend and spiraled out of control into the fanfic you see before you today. Be prepared for some angst, some misunderstandings, and lots and lots of fluff. So much, in fact, that ya'll better start billing me for the cavities now.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

When he was 10 and thought he was unbeatable, Haru had taunted a group of twelve-year-olds into racing him. Makoto had been against it, of course, wishing that his friend would be a little less confrontational, but Haru completely ignored him and got into running position. The three boys he had challenged smirked at him like he was some kind of joke. Makoto told him to be careful. Haru tsked at all four of them.

In retrospect, Haru was sure he would have won. He was smaller, but he had natural long legs and a more fit body while the others looked like brutes that should be off having a wrestling match or something. He clearly was in the advantage here. Makoto even had started cheering him on. Then his foot slipped on some loose gravel and Haru went down just like that, his momentum dragging him across the concrete like some slip and slide. Makoto ran to him. The twelve-year-olds bolted.

The concrete had not been kind, gashing at his legs with some rather deep scratches that painted a good part of his legs red with his blood. It stung and was hurting within seconds after Haru pulled himself into a sitting position. Not even he had a strong enough will yet to keep the tears from trailing down his face.

Makoto had been panicked at first, shouting "Haru-chan are you okay!?" and "Haru-chan you're bleeding!" but the moment he had noticed that it had been enough to cause Haru to cry another instinct had seemed to kick in and it was Makoto telling him what to do and Makoto washing the blood off his legs and Makoto giving him a piggyback ride from the park back home. It was in his later years that Haru realized that this was some sort of parental mode Makoto had adapted from having younger siblings. Mamakoto he liked to call it. He thought the term was quite fitting.

"Haru-chan, you really should be more careful." Makoto had even decided that a lecture was necessary on the walk back. All Haru said in reply was for him the drop the –chan, which Makoto just laughed to. "I'm serious though! It's lucky that it wasn't worse." Haru was silent, deciding that burrowing his nose into the back of Makoto's neck and staring at the hairs there was better than a reply. He could almost feel Makoto biting his lip even if he couldn't see it. "…Do they still hurt?"

"Not as much now." Makoto stopped to readjust him on his back before crossing a street.

"I'm glad." This time he was sure Makoto was smiling. "I was worried."

"Don't be stupid." He closed his eyes. Makoto's back was warm and was making him sleepy. "They're just scratches. They'll heal."

"I suppose." He chuckled. They were making their way up the steps now. Makoto was careful to go up them slowly to not jog Haru on his back too much. "Are your mom and dad home?" Haru nodded.

"Mom should be." This proved true as when they walked in, sounds could be heard from the kitchen. She poked out a head to greet them, only to become frazzled at the sight of her son's legs. Makoto was told to drop Haru off in the living room while she went up the stairs for the first-aid kit.

"Do you want me to wait for your mom to come back?" Makoto asked, sliding Haru gently onto the couch as to not disturb his legs. Haru shook his head.

"No it's fine." Makoto smiled.

"Okay. Feel better than, Haru-chan!" he made to leave, yet was pulled to a stop as Haru reached out and grabbed his shirt to stop him. "Haru?" the boy in question had his head turned to the side to hide his expression.

"Thank you, Makoto." A pause. "I… appreciate it. Your help, I mean…" A wide smile spread across Makoto's face and made it glow.

"Haru-chan!" Haru felt a dip form on the couch and turned to see why when he suddenly felt warm arms wrap around him and his face was buried into a shoulder. Makoto was shaking his head. "It was no problem. It kind of liked it-" he then pushed Haru away by the shoulders abruptly so green could look into blue "Not you getting hurt of course! But-" Makoto couldn't help but regain his smile as he looked to the side, something he probably had picked up from Haru. "I liked taking care of you. It almost made me feel like I was taking care of my girlfriend or something." Makoto chuckled. Haru was pretty sure his cheeks had burst into flame that day.

"'Taking care of his girlfriend', huh?" Haru poked the dolphin sitting with him in the tub, watching as it bobbled. It had been eight years since that had happened, and while it had been buried and forgotten in his memory, it had suddenly re-appeared like an annoying weed. He figured it had something to do with the fact that Makoto's date was today.

Haru sighed, sinking into the water and blowing out bubbles. He didn't understand, but he had been feeling uneasy all day and it had affected him quite negatively. First he had botched an exam in class. Then his times at practice had been lower than they ever had been before, which earned him a scolding from his couch. Neither could compare, however, to missing the train he needed to take to get home and having to wait a whole other hour just so he could get back. No adult, child, or dog dared to stand next to him and the aura he emitted for a 30 foot radius.

To try and relieve this quite unnecessary tension he had opted to take a bath, which in hindsight had been a good idea. Baths were great in calming him down since it immersed him in the thing he loved most. What he hadn't counted on, however, was to suddenly reclaim that memory and stupid young Makoto's statement. Now his stomach was acting weird again, like it had gained density or something. Haru couldn't even fathom an idea why. It was stupid. It was annoying. It needed to stop. What did that memory have to do with anything? Sure, at the time he had been embarrassed but now he didn't care whatsoever. Makoto always said weird stuff, so why did that one matter?

"Bothersome." Haru spoke out loud to the water, the sound converting to bubbles. This wasn't even his problem. Makoto could get a girlfriend if he wanted. It wasn't like he was going to stop him. He didn't _care._ He decided to place the blame on remembering purely on the fact that a commonality between today and then was the word 'girlfriend' and nothing more. It was the logical thing to assume in the situation presented to him. Now as for why his stomach was in knots, he was clueless.

Haru hadn't heard the ring on the first call. It was to be expected. After all he had been underwater and his mind had been full of thoughts that led him nowhere. As he did finally surface he caught the ringing of the second call, to which he just shook his head to rid himself of the water droplets and let it ring. Who would be calling him? He had no idea. He had no reason to be called. Haru sighed a heavy sigh. He got out of the tub, reaching for a towel as he did so.

Along with his other school stuff he had placed his phone on the counter in the kitchen, so that was where he headed as the tone died. When he reached it and finally picked up the device, he had two missed calls and a text message. All of them were from Makoto. He decided to open the text first.

 _Haru pick up I'm having a crisis (/T.T)/_

A crisis? Haru couldn't help but wonder what it could be. He decided guessing was a useless effort and just hit redial on one of the missed calls. It rang twice before a very relieved Makoto answered.

"Haru-chan you answered!"

"Drop the –chan or I'll just hang up."

"What? No sorry! Don't hang up please I need your help!" Makoto begged. He sounded pretty desperate.

"What's wrong?" he asked. There was a pause.

"I-I… I don't know what to wear!" Haru blinked. He could have expected many things to be the reason for the call. There was a spider in his shower, for instance. Not like it hadn't happened before. Or perhaps he forgot about a project he needed to do and now he had to cancel the date. Honestly a fashion crisis was not one of them.

"… and you're calling me?" Haru asked bluntly.

"I don't have anybody else to ask…!" Haru could pretty much hear him pout over the phone. "Please, could you maybe come over and help me?" Haru looked at the time. 4:12. Makoto's date was in 3 hours. The poor bastard.

"Okay." Haru sighed. "I'm on my way."

"Oh thank you Haru! I really appreciate this! I promise to treat you to some mackerel for dinner sometime!" Just a bit Haru's eyes sparkled.

"I'll be there in forty." He hung up the phone.

Because of the trains delay, it was closer to an hour before Haru was standing on Makoto's doorstep. He didn't even get a chance to knock, however, before the door opened and Makoto was pulling him by the wrists inside.

"Haru, thank you so much! Sorry for just springing this on you." Haru just nodded, kicking off his shoes and putting his bag down at the entrance like he usually did. He noticed the frazzled look in Makoto's clothes and the dismay of his hair. Obviously he had been working on this for a while already.

"Don't worry about it. Do you at least have something narrowed down?" Makoto nodded, leading the way to his bedroom. Haru always enjoyed Makoto's room the most, secretly finding pleasure in how Makoto had taken up a collage of pictures around the walls. It was nice to see smiling faces of those he knew and missed once and a while. Walking in, he habitually found the picture of last year's national's race with Rei and Nagisa. It was his favorite picture amongst them all.

"I'm between these." He pointed to the piles of clothes on his bed, an assortment of about five outfits in total. They had quite the interesting range, starting from really casual to a formal vest and tie. He stared at the vest with an amused expression.

"Where exactly are you taking her?" he asked. "Prom?"

"Well, I don't know how formal you're supposed to be on dates!" Makoto protested. His flailing could have rivaled Nagisa's. "What if we go to a fancy place or something!? I don't want to look off. And she might have high tastes and expect me to dress the part!" Haru stared at him.

"Makoto. It's the first date. Relax." Haru tugged at a shirt, noticed the orange and yellow shirt he was used to wearing, and threw it on the pillows and away from those being considered. "You said you were going to the movies and then getting dinner, right?" Makoto nodded sheepishly.

"I suggest wearing something casual." Haru pulled up a green shirt and tan pants before going to Makoto's closet to pull out his blue jacket. "You look the best in that sort of thing. You want to impress her, right?"

"I- uh yeah." He nodded, catching the clothes as Haru tossed them at him.

"Try that on." Despite having seen Makoto change countless times in his life, Haru still gave him the decency of looking away and finding interest in a basic fold on the comforter.

"How does it look?" when Haru looked back over Makoto was smoothing down the green shirt self-consciously. Haru looked at him thoughtfully. His best friend wasn't exactly unattractive in the first place, not if his muscles, kind face, and fluffy hair had anything to say about it. No, how he looked wasn't really the issue. Walking over to him, Haru motioned for him to turn around as he took all of him in.

"You look fine. But it might be a little too informal. Take the shirt off. We'll try something else." Haru looked back to the bed and moved a couple aside before he picked up a blue and white striped sweater. It might be a little warm, but the sleeves were elbow-cut, so he figured Makoto would be fine.

"How about this?" he lifted it in the others direction, watching as Makoto flung the previous shirt onto the floor. "Your mother would be disappointed." Makoto grinned.

"I'm a free man now, Haru. I make my own rules! Earlier today, I didn't use a coaster. It left a ring and everything."

"Woah there wild man. Don't be taking too many risks your mom won't be able to take it. Now put this on." Haru threw it rather hard, making sure to hit him in the face. He smirked as Makoto stuck his tongue out at him. For someone who claimed to be a man, his response was quite childish and so incredibly Makoto. Of course, Haru responded with equal maturity. He threw another shirt at his face. "Change, idiot. You're date will be here in an hour."

A look of realization took over and Makoto was quickly pulling the shirt Haru picked out over his head and smoothing it down his shoulders. He spun at Haru's request.

"I think that looks good." Haru nodded. "Though your hair…" he stared at the messed up ends sticking out in various directions. "It looks like you haven't brushed it in days." Makoto started brushing it with his fingers to try and smooth it out.

"Better?" Haru shook his head, Makoto's effort having done absolutely nothing. He took a step closer.

"Here." Going up on his tiptoes he started running his fingers through the brunette's hair, straightening little clumps at a time and placing them where they were supposed to be. "This would be a lot easier if you weren't so damn tall." He mumbled, trying to get at the back and leaning even closer. He didn't even realize how close his and Makoto's face had gotten until he was done fixing it and he looked back at him, only to be in a sudden field of green. Had Makoto's eyes always been this bright and big and pretty? Whether or not they always had, Haru was quite aware now and his mind was comparing them to emeralds. Except he was sure that even the gem couldn't compare to the shine Makoto's had. It would be better to compare them to the sun. How could they be that naturally beautiful?

But this was quickly forgotten now as Makoto was suddenly exhaling and he could feel warm breath on his lips and now Haru's heart was pounding, _pounding_ like a drum. Distance became as much as a requirement as breathing and he slid off his tiptoes and back a step as gracefully as a swimmer like he could muster. "T-there." He stammered, playing with his shirt sleeve so he would have an excuse to deliberately not look at Makoto. He willed his heart to calm itself because what the hell was it even doing? "You should be all ready. Wear your dark sneakers with this."

"Mmm." Makoto nodded, studying him. "Thanks a lot for your help, Haru. I really do owe you." Haru knew he was smiling and so looked up to take in the reality of it.

"I already said it's fine." As long as mackerel was still part of the plan, of course. "I probably should get going." He added.

"O-okay." Makoto nodded, his face falling a little bit. "Unless, you um… want to meet her. I wouldn't mind." Haru took note of the hope in Makoto's voice and decided that it won over the pressure in his stomach.

"Okay." And so Haru stayed to meet Hiromi.

She was way too beautiful to be real. This girl could not be a real person. Haru was sure of it. He had half a mind to tell Makoto that she must be a robot and to grab him and just get the hell out of there lest they want to be enslaved by the mechanic race. Yet, Makoto seemed convinced that his date was a living human being, and Haru supposed he should rely on his friend's judgment at least some of the time. Where to swim, of course, was always the exception. The answer was everywhere. Always.

The first thing Haru noticed was how blue her eyes were. They were deep and expansive, much like the ocean, and pretty too, just like her face. Her eyes were not like most, which often held pigments of other colors. No, instead they were one solid shade of blue. Their depth was mesmerizing to the point of maddening. Together with her rich black hair, pulled back and curled to incredible perfection, she was vibrant and stuck out like a rose amongst wildflowers.

And them legs. This girl knew she had a figure. Knew what to wear to show it off, too. The skirt she wore was short, pleated, and black, hugging her tightly while in contrast her shirt was ruffled, loose, and lilac. Over her shoulders hung a velvety black fabric that looked like it was supposed to be used to keep her warm, though Haru doubted it could do much to help her. Maybe it was just decoration.

"Hiromi-chan!" Makoto smiled, his eyes lighting up as he stepped aside for her to walk into his apartment. Haru stood off to the side, doing his best to stay out of the way. "You look very cute today!" she waved her hand in the air, pushing aside the complement like it was nothing.

"Thank you, Makoto-kun." Hiromi smiled, displaying perfect teeth. "You look very handsome yourself!" Haru was starting to wish he could melt into the walls. He just felt so awkward being there.

"Ah!" A blush formed on Makoto's cheeks. "Thank you! But I had help from Haru, so I can't take much credit there." He chuckled, rubbing the back of his head.

"'Haru'?" she said his name with a question, finally just noticing that Haru was even in the room. Her eyes danced across every feature, taking in all of him at once. It made him ungodly uncomfortable, and he immediately looked in another direction and away from those massive eyes. His heart was pounding.

"Ah! I forgot!" Makoto sounded embarrassed, waving his hands in the air. He rushed over and set a warm hand on Haru's shoulder. "Hiromi-chan, this is my best friend, Haruka Nanase. We grew up together."

"Haruka?" a smile burst across her face, and Haru could immediately tell she was trying hard not to laugh. "So you have a girly name too?" Haru puffed a breath of air at his bangs. "Sorry, sorry!" she apologized, still trying to stifle it by pressing fingers to her delicate lips painted by gloss. "I'm just- I thought Makoto-kun was a girl the first day of classes too so I'm just a bit surprised as all."

"Well, he does need a haircut." Haru reached up and yanked on a clump of Makoto's hair for effect. "It's bound to happen."

"Haruuuuuuu-" Makoto whined, trying to shake off his hand. "That's mean…" meanwhile Hiromi was straightening herself and bowed her head slightly towards Haru.

"Sorry, Haruka-kun, I really didn't mean to laugh." She offered a pleasant smile and a hand. "It really is great to meet you, especially if you are a close friend of Makoto-kun." Haru stared at the offered hand with a pause, contemplating whether or not to take it before deciding that since Makoto was right there, he better.

"Yeah." Her grip was strong and warm, all in all very friendly. And yet Haru got an uneasy feeling from their conjoined hands and broke the shake quickly. It really felt like his heartbeat didn't know the meaning of calm anymore. Makoto looked at the clock on the television.

"We better get going if the movie is at 7:30." He pulled his hand off Haru's shoulder and led the way to the door, opening it so Hiromi could pass through. "Are you going to leave with us or stay over for a little bit?" Haru grabbed his stuff off from a chair he had left it on, shaking his head.

"I have homework to do." An expression of guilt crossed over Makoto's face for a moment before hiding it, instead giving a nod.

"Okay."

Haru followed behind them, the two walking side by side in front, and found himself looking over the railing instead as they made their way down the stairs. He couldn't watch as her hand twitched beside Makoto, obviously wanting to grab it, nor could he look at Makoto and see how he was smiling at her and not have his stomach twisting into knots. He hated this uneasiness and the coldness that crept and the pounding of blood and never in his life had he ever looked forward to saying goodbye to Makoto as he did now.

"Bye Haru!"

"See you."

"Nice meeting you, Haruka-kun!" As they turned left towards the theater, he turned right towards the station. He was about halfway down the block when he turned to look back for no reason that he could explain with words. The two of them were holding hands, fingers locked and all. It was at that moment that Haru's heart stopped and everything burned.

Fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

"Haru-chan, Haru-chan! Can you see us? Are we coming in?" Haru sighed into his palm, squeezing his cup of freshly made coffee tightly with the other. Nagisa and Rei had been fuddling with the camera for about five minutes now, and he was getting relatively bored. The fact that it was ten and he had already had a long day of swimming practice probably didn't help matters.

"Yes, Nagisa." The blonde seemed unconvinced, leaning back from his spot on the floor and tugging at Rei's earlobe.

"Even Rei-chan and his dorky new haircut?"

"Nagisa-Kun!" Even through the computer screen Haru could see Rei's face turn three shades of red.

"Yes, even Rei's dorky new haircut." He put his coffee to his lips and blew the steam at the screen.

"Haruka-senpai!" Rei's mouth dropped open and he self-consciously slapped his hands over his ears. "Is-Is it really that bad?"

"No." Haru granted Rei a gentle smile. "It looks good." He wasn't lying, either. Though it was much shorter, cut to above his ears and blue locks trimmed to spikes, it had a mature look to it that made Rei appear older. Rei's eyes seemed to glow at his compliment.

"Thank you, Haruka-sempai!" Glad to see him happy, Haru took a sip of his drink.

"Ahh, Rei-chan..!" Nagisa whined, draping over the others shoulder. "You never look that happy when I compliment you!"

"And when exactly would that be, Nagisa-kun?" Rei asked pointedly, crossing his arms. "All you've done since I got this haircut was laugh at me!"

"Well…"

"You were the one who told me that I should get it done!" Nagisa's voice grew small, pressing his pointer fingers together. Rei huffed out his breath and looked to the side, which Haru was pretty sure Rei adopted from himself. He was kind of proud, to be honest.

"Because I thought you would look cute..." Nagisa paused as a blush started to form across his face. "And you do Rei-chan!" standing behind him now, he leaned over and pressed Rei's cheeks between his palms before standing on his tippy toes and putting them nose-to-nose. "You look very cute and adorable and handsome and very very beautiful so please don't be mad at meeeeee!" Rei's face was a deep maroon. Haru continued to slurp at his beverage.

"D-don't be ridiculous..." he stammered. Nagisa replied with a grin and a light kiss before doing some kind of tumble roll over Rei's shoulders and into his lap, landing with a thump that rocked the screen. Rei's eye twitched- it was his laptop after all- but said nothing against it, instead wrapping his arms around Nagisa.

"So Haru-chan!" called Nagisa, to which Haru didn't even bother to act like he hadn't seen anything. It wasn't like he wasn't used to this kind of behavior. Not when Nagisa and Rei had been dating for over three months now. It hadn't come as much as a surprise, really, when they had told himself and Makoto about the news. They had seen it coming for a long time. The fact that it had been Rei to confess, however, had been a nice plot twist they hadn't expected. Of course, he won the bet on the when and that was what really mattered. While Rin owed him a trip to the pool, Makoto was too much of a nice guy and had decided that betting on their friends relationship was _indecent_ or something.

"Where the heck is Mako-chan?! It's Iwatobi date night! He is supposed to be here! I already set up the movie and everything!"

"He'll be late." Haru replied, setting his mug down to stretch. "We're supposed to start without him."

"What, why!?" Nagisa pouted, waving Rei's hand back and forth. "What's more important than this!?"

"He's with his girlfriend." It was totally silent for nearly 30 seconds, Haru just sitting quietly while Nagisa and Rei stared back at him with their jaws slowly falling down to big round 'O's. Then comprehension dawned on them both and suddenly they were trying to press their faces as close to the camera as possible as if they could somehow squeeze through it and be where Haru was.

"Makoto-sempai has a _girlfriend_!?"

"Mako-chan is dating someone!? Since when!? How!? Who!? What about-" and then Nagisa stopped, exchanging a look with Rei. Of course, Haru was coming to the realization that maybe he wasn't the person who should have shared this information with them. He probably should have said Makoto was with his geography group. Which, really, he was. Hiromi just happened to be part of it. Makoto did say they had a class together.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything…"

"No, Haru-chan you should have told us SOONER! Forget the movie-" the camera shook as Nagisa picked up the laptop and started pacing around the room, his pink eyes ablaze. "Tell us everything!"

"Nagisa-kun, if you drop my new laptop I swear to god-" Nagisa shushed Rei with a palm to his lips.

"Not now, Rei-chan, mommy and daddy are talking." Rei looked confounded. Haru was trying to think of exactly when he and Nagisa had conceived Rei. "Now come on Haru-Chan, spill!" The laptop was clattered onto the coffee table, an exasperated whine coming from Rei in response. Nagisa slammed his hands in front of it, attempting to look intimidating. Haru was pretty sure that was impossible.

"There's nothing to tell." Haru finally said after a moment. Nagisa waited for him to continue. Haru didn't.

"Haru-chan, do you NOT know the meaning of gossip? Give me moreeee."

"No." was Haru's curt reply. "Its Makoto's private life." And quite honestly, even if he felt comfortable sharing such private information, he really didn't want to talk about it, especially when just the thought about it messed with his body.

"Haru-channnnnnnn!" Nagisa whined. "Pleaseeeeee~?"

"If you want to know, ask him yourself when he gets here." Was his final reply, pulling away from the desk and taking his empty coffee mug to the kitchen sink.

"But we want to hear it from youuuu!" even across the room Nagisa's voice could be heard like he was right there.

"Why does it even matter, Nagisa?" Haru tried not to glare too hard as he dug into the fridge to pull out a bottle of water. He unscrewed the lid and drank nearly half of it before he returned back to the desk chair.

"Because Makoto will be biased, and we want to know the truth!" he nodded, and Rei nodded right along with him.

"It'd be best to hear it from an outside source." Rei said practically, and Haru guessed he could see their point.

"If I tell you, will you two finally drop it?" they nodded enthusiastically. Haru sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead. Getting up at 5 this morning had been a bad idea. "She's… nice. And pretty. In track. Likes dogs." Trying to describe her now, Haru realized that it was really hard. It wasn't that he hadn't met her to know anything, because that was a lie. He had met Hiromi a handful of times now, sometimes when he was with Makoto and sometimes in switched roles. She and Makoto had been dating for three weeks now, ever since (and haru really wasn't sure who popped the question but he felt like it had been Makoto) they got back from their first date, which according to the excited orca on the phone that night had gone extremely well. Because of this, it was harder and harder to find Makoto without this girl.

What bothered Haru the most, however, was how nice Hiromi was to him, and how much her kindness kept pissing him off. The girl always tried to acknowledge him and get him to talk, whereas Haru never responded in sentences longer then they needed to be. Too much time in Hiromi presence drove him mad and made him want to jump into the nearest water source just to escape from her.

Haru knew he was being rude. This girl, who did nothing to him and was now an important person to Makoto, didn't disserve his scorn. But he couldn't help it. She made the blood under his skin burn hot, yet turned his skin to cold ice. It was driving him crazy. There was nothing he rather do then push this girl out of his life forever.

Haru knew he hated her, and the guilt was piling on top of him like bricks. She was Makoto's girlfriend. Thinking such things was not his right. He should at least give her a chance, let her prove her worth or something like that. But instead, he found himself wishing she would break up with him. It made him feel twice as guilty. He was wanting to sacrificing his best friend's happiness for something he didn't even disserve to have a say in, and it was an awful thing of him to even hope for. But he did. Everyday. Haru was sure he was the scum of earth.

"Where did they meet? How did this, like, even become a thing?" Nagias asked, laying his head on his arm as if he were some dog.

"School. They have a Geography class together." Haru started pulling off the wrapper on the water bottle. "I guess they got along really well and she ended up confessing to him. They went on a date and it went alright so Makoto asked her out."

"Makoto-sempai did?" Rei sounded befuddled, exchanging yet another glance with Nagisa. Haru was too busy tearing the wrapper into halves now to notice.

"Y-yeah." Haru paused for a minute so he could clear his throat. "I am assuming so, at least." He looked up back at the screen, pink and purple staring at him intensely. "He was pretty excited on the phone." It was silent except for the buzz from his computer and Haru hated it. Never had he wished for Nagisa's loud mouth more than now.

"And are you… okay with that?" Nagisa's question caught Haru off guard and several torn scraps fluttered from his hand.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Haru asked quietly. The look the two were giving unnerved him, and he found himself averting his eyes to the wall. His heart was suddenly pounding dramatically. He was convinced his body was becoming broken. He didn't understand this. He didn't understand this at all. Why were Nagisa and Rei looking at him like that? Why could he sense pity?

"uh- no reason!" Nagisa waved his hands in the air, making the limbs into an 'X'. "We just thought that, uh-"

"You might be feeling a little lonely." Rei finished for him. "Makoto-sempai must be so busy already and now with a girlfriend too…" Rei drowned off. Haru could see where it was headed without the actual words. Makoto would have less time with him.

"It's fine." Haru finally had enough sense to throw the mess he made into the garbage so it would stop sticking to his sweaty palms. "I'm fine."

"But Haru-chan-"

"Nagisa. Rei." Haru looked at them sternly. It was a look that said this subject ends now. They both looked away like he had just kicked them. Haru sighed, rummaging his hand through his hair. "I appreciate it, though. Your concern. I know you mean well. Thanks." Nagisa melted like butter as did the heavy atmosphere in the room, though his declaration of love for Haru sounded on deaf ears when Haru's phone vibrated with a message. His lip turned up just a crack as he read it.

 _Got done early so on my way! About 10 minutes! :)_

"Makoto's on his way." He informed the other two, getting up and stretching. His back cracked soothingly.

"Yahoo!" Nagisa cheered, pounding a fist to the air. "I'll get the movie up and going!"

"It's not a scary one, right Nagisa-kun?" Rei asked nervously.

"I'm not dealing with that." Haru said seriously, giving Nagisa the look. He had had to deal with fradey-cat Makoto hours after any scary movie they ever watched, and while he wasn't going to scold makoto for fears he couldn't help, his neck sure did appreciate time off once and a while from nearly being strangled to death by an orca unaware of his own strength.

"You two are so boring." Nagisa puffed out his cheeks. "But no, Rei-chan it's not! I went with a spy movie this time!" Nagisa held his thumb and pointer finger up into a makeshift gun and aimed it right at Rei. "Bang, you're dead!" Rei looked rather unamused.

Haru just grunted his approval, abandoning the computer screen to head towards his bedroom. Because Iwatobi date nights always tended to take them into the late morning, they had decided that it was best to have the guest just spend the night. That being said, while Makoto had a big enough bed to hold them both, Haru did not. They had figured that out on the hard way when Makoto had rolled off the bed in his sleep, taking all the blankets with him and leaving Haru without one. Makoto woke up with a sore back. Haru had a cold for a week. Now they just slept in the living room on top of a heap of blankets. It was actually quite comfy. More roomy too.

With the blankets from his bed and two extra from the closet, Haru returned to the living room to find Nagisa and Rei smothering each other with pillows. He stared for probably ten seconds before he just shrugged and started to lay out the blankets for him and Makoto to sleep on. If they both ended up passing out then at least he could go to bed earlier. It was a win, really.

On his second trip to his room he changed into his pajamas, blue polka doted pants with a black sweatshirt (mostly because though he got cold easily, Makoto was a furnace so he was more than likely to take it off sometime through the night anyways), and grabbed his pillow and an extra. This time when he returned, Nagisa and Rei seemed to have abandoned their pillows and went straight to a tickling fight. Rei was winning, using his larger body to pin his blonde boyfriend with no sign of mercy. Haru had to wonder how they could be so full of energy. He was ready to crash. Of course, this caused him to pause and reevaluate his life choices because when the hell did he become such an old man? He blamed graduating. Haru dropped the pillows with a grunt.

"Rei-chan, Rei-chan stop I can't breathe!" Nagisa was begging, kicking his legs. "Haru-chan help!"

"No. Don't. Stop Rei." Haru deadpanned, smoothing out some of the folds in the blanket. "Let him go."

"Haruuuuu-channnnnnnn!" Rei's ridiculous laugh was almost overpowering Nagisa's, obviously the power going straight to his head. Haru really couldn't blame him. Not when he was dating a guy like Nagisa.

"You started it, Nagisa-kun! Now reap what you sow!" If he hadn't been missing the two dorks, Haru probably would have been irritated by all the noise they were creating and had pressed mute by now. But the truth was he missed their rambunctious behavior and goofy nature. He just couldn't quite get signs of irritation to form on his face. Because Tokyo didn't have this. Tokyo didn't have Rei and Nagisa. It only had Makoto.

When Rei finally stopped torturing Nagisa, they were both left there panting for breath. Rei leaned on his elbow for support. Nagisa just laid there, looking like he had just been shot or something. When he finally did move, he stuck up a single finger to the air.

"I'll get you back for that, Rei-chan." It sounded a lot less threatening when half his voice was hoarse from laughing. "I swear this to you." Still, when Nagisa made a promise he meant it. Rei was in for a rough night. Poor guy. Haru would pray for him.

A nock at Haru's door stood as a distraction from Nagisa's looming threat, however, and he rose from his position to go and answer it. As usual, when he pulled the door open he was met with brilliant green and a bright smile.

"Hey, Haru!" Makoto panted, giving an enthusiastic wave along with his greeting. Over his shoulder hung a dufflebag, which no doubt held his things for the night.

"Did you run here?" Haru's eyes widened at him, stepping aside so Makoto could come in. The brunette itched his nose while Haru shut the door.

"I was excited!" he admitted, setting his dufflebag on the floor and taking off his shoes. "We haven't done this for a couple of weeks!"

"Mako-chan! Notice us!" Nagias seemed to have already gained back his energy, waving theatrically across the screen to get his attention. "Makkooo-Channn!" Makoto beamed in the direction of the computer, scampering like a puppy to its screen.

"Nagisa! Rei!" he titled his head to the left with a warm smile. "It's been a while!"

"Mako-channn!"

"Makoto-sempai!" They were all grinning like idiots and Haru couldn't help but join them with a soft smile of his own, making his own way to the computer. "We've missed you!"

"Mm!" Makoto nodded in agreement. "I've missed you both too." Nagisa pouted at the screen.

"You're way too busy, Mako-chan! We barely get to talk anymore! And Haru-chan says you have a girlfriend now too!" The hair on his arms instantly bristled, and Haru instinctively looked away before he could feel Makoto's eyes on him. And oh boy did he feel that gaze.

"Sorry. It slipped." Haru mumbled. Did he always have that water stain on ceiling?

"I, uh, y-yeah…!" Makoto stammered, and Haru could _feel_ the embarrassment rolling off him without even looking at his direction. Would it kill Nagisa to have any sense of tact? This was obviously not the first conversation the brunette wanted to have with them. Haru was inclined to agree. "I do..." At least Rei seemed to understand where his boyfriend went wrong.

"Haruka-sempai says she was in track?" God, there were just so many damn _stains._ He really should get some cleaner for them. Hopefully the landlord was aware of it. Like hell he was going to be held responsible.

"Y-yeah." Makoto cleared his throat, his blush increasing with every second. "Hiromi-chan is a long-distance runner."

"So her name is Hiromi-chan!" Nagisa pointed dramatically, as if he just figured out some top secret.

"Sounds like a very lovely name." Rei nodded politely. Nagisa gave a thumbs up in approval.

"And here I was going to call her that prettygirlMakotometinGeography-chan!"

"How much did you tell them!?" Makoto rounded on Haru, who was taking a step back because god damn if he ever tells Nagisa anything ever again.

"I'm going to make some mackerel…"

"It's ELEVEN!" Makoto grabbed Haru by the wrist to stop him. Haru had never seen Makoto so frazzled before, not even when he was being yanked back from trying to swim in a fish tank their 2nd year cause apparently that wasn't allowed. The bright red of his cheeks, the sudden disarray of his hair. It made his heart pound savagely. The hand around his wrist was warm, way way too warm.

"Calm down, Mako-chan." Nagisa finally said with a laugh, which caused both of them to look over at the screen. "We're just poking fun." He gave one of his special, im totally serious and not fucking with you for once, smiles. "She sounds nice. Rei-chan and I are happy for you." _Happy for you._ Something caught in his throat and Haru had to swallow it down with force.

"Thanks, guys." Makoto smiled, calming down a bit. He gently released Haru, the heat from his palms tingling away slowly. "I'm sure you guys would like her." Nagisa, however, waved this remark away like it was unimportant.

"More importantly, Mako-chan. Do you have a picture? We _have_ to know what she looks like!" apparently that face was just meant to be red tonight.

"I uh, yeah. I'll show you." It was at this point as Makoto dug into his pocket that Haru really did head to the kitchen to make some mackerel. He tried to use the sizzle of the pan to tone out all the information he already knew. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't tone his voice out because Makoto's voice was the only voice he _couldn't_ tone out. So he just listened as Makoto told them how pretty and cute and smart and athletic and amazing and funny she was. How every time she sneezed her nose crinkled in such a perfect way and that since she was tall she was the perfect height for him and their hands fit together like broken puzzle pieces which was nice because he always thought his hand was way too big for things like that. She was his first date, first girlfriend, first kiss, first everything. He was having fun. He was happy. He was making Haru want to throw the frying pan at his head because _something wasn't right._ Something had to be wrong with the way he felt inside.

Haru eventually rejoined them, but only after all talk of Hiromi had long since passed and Makoto was changed into his own pajamas, green polka-dot bottoms, a t-shirt, and glasses making up the ensemble. The matching PJs was Nagisa's idea of course, the two on the other side sporting pink and purple respectively. It was supposed to strengthen their bond over the distance or something, though Haru thought it just made them look like a bunch of dorks.

"So you did end up making some…" Makoto sighed, chuckling in the end as Haru sat down beside him. Instead of on the desk, the laptop was now parked in front of them on the floor.

"Want one?" Haru offered, picking up a piece with his chopsticks and holding it out for him. Part of him thought Makoto would refuse, and it looked like he would for a moment, but then he opened his mouth up with an 'ah' noise and Haru gently placed the cooked fish inside. He waited for Makoto to chew for a moment, taking in with satisfaction that yes, his cooking could still make Makoto's eyes light up, before he took a bite for himself.

"No Fair, I want to be fed Haru-Chan's cooking too!" Nagisa whined, pulling at Rei's cheeks from his lap. "Rei-chan, go make me something."

"No! We already bought popcorn."

"Oh yeah I forgot!" Nagisa's eye lit up and he crawled on all fours and out of sight of the camera. There was enough time for Rei to groan into his palm before Nagisa returned, seating himself squarely in Rei's lap like before. The only difference now was that sitting between Nagisa's legs was a large tub of popped popcorn. It had to at least be a foot and a half tall and saturated in butter from the way it looked on the screen.

"That looks so unhealthy, Nagisa." Makoto cringed, wondering for the millionth time how Nagisa never seemed to get any bigger despite how much junk food he ate.

"Uh, duh Mako-Chan, that's the point." Nagisa unscrewed the lid happily and grabbed a couple pieces. "It's good for the soul!"

"Yeah, when you're dead ten years earlier because of heart failure." a piece of popcorn hit Rei in the glasses.

"That was dark, Rei-Chan."

"Just start the movie, Nagisa-kun."

"Mworkay!" It was a face full of popcorn that Nagisa answered with, and at the site of his greasy fingers Rei seemed to think better of it and grabbed his wrist.

"Never mind I can do it…" to which Nagisa just shrugged and leaned back into Rei's chest as he fumbled with the computer. As the screen in front of them changed to Rei and Nagisa's, Makoto turned to Haru with a worried look.

"It's not a scary one, right?" Haru shook his head, stifling his first yawn of the night.

"No. Nagisa said it was a spy movie." Makoto looked relieved.

"Thank god… I still can't forget that last one…"

"Makoto it was Lord of the Rings…"

"That spider was huge, okay!" Though they couldn't see them, Nagisa's snickering could be heard through the screen. "Shut up, Nagisa!" Really, it was their own fault in letting Nagisa pick the movies in the first place. But Haru didn't particularly care, Rei had bad movie taste, and everything Makoto tended to pick was a kid's movie.

As the screen in front of them turned black with the movies intro, Haru decided it was a good time to discard his now empty plate in the sink and shut off all the lights. Halfway back he decided against it, however, and switched a small lamp in the corner on. The small light added an ambiance he quite liked. Haru reseated himself with a content smile, sitting a bit closer to Makoto and nudging the laptop over with his toe so it was more center between them.

The movie was, as Haru had predicted, not one that would gain his undivided attention. In fact, as the action started to peak he became instead more focused with the time on the clock, telling him over and over that, yes, he had been up for nearly 19 hours now and damn was he tired. He was becoming more aware of it now that he had actually allowed himself time to sit down and relax. Makoto seemed to be realizing it too, what with Haru yawning every five minutes.

"Tired?" he whispered, quiet enough so that he wouldn't disturb the movie playing.

"Mm." Haru hadn't really been aware of it, but sometime in the past hour he had learned his body into Makoto for some support to keep it from crumpling to the floor. "Up since 5…" he mumbled. Makoto's shoulder was a perfect height for a pillow and it took very little effort for Haru to let his head fall, its comfort giving his neck instant relief. It was firm, but warm and soft and so very comfortable.

"You can go to bed, if you'd like." Makoto said gently. Haru shook his head just a smidge, watching some spy stab a guy before closing his eyes.

"No. Comfy." Haru nuzzled his nose into the fabric, earning a smile from Makoto as a result.

"Okay." _Warm_. It was the only single thought Haru had as he felt Makoto lightly pat his head affectionately, their sides naturally forming and accepting one another as his body started to relax completely. The warmth wasn't limited to the outside, but bloomed inside him too, drizzling like liquid butter and dripping into every nook and cranny of his being. It was as comforting as water felt, and just as accepting. Haru wanted to swim in the feeling, become one with it. He would take all that it offered without resistance. It was perfect and without fault. This Haru was sure of. _Makoto's warmth._

It was mere minutes before Haru was out cold, his mouth lightly opening and breathing soundly as his cheek accepted the bulge of Makoto's shoulder without complaint. Makoto had always known that Haru had long, thick lashes, but in the position he sat in now he could admire them at their fullest. They were delicate, like most of his features, and had a way of masking the brilliant blue of his eyes in a perfect array of black that made them piercing. Even now as they lay still Makoto could still picture the light flutter they will make when Haru wakes, how they will dance across his soft skin in a graceful way, just like the way Haru always moves. Makoto knows he is right because he has seen it so many times. Just like he knows that when Haru wakes, he will unknowingly use the edge of his palm to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. How he knows that no matter which way he sleeps Haru is always guaranteed to wake up with disheveled hair sticking out in an aggressive fashion. And how he always knows that Haru will sleep exactly like a cat, his body curled up to his nose and blankets so deeply entwined around him like his own private sanctuary from the world. Makoto sees it all because there isn't a moment that he _doesn't_ see Haru. There hasn't been a single moment in his life that he has ever thought Haru _wasn't_ worth his time. Not when he was so beautiful and perfect and pure. Not when he loved him.

Any interest in the film evaporated instantly, and Makoto found his eyes trained on Haru and taking in all of him like updating his memory. It had been but a week of separation, but without Haru at his side it felt like an eternity. He took in his smooth cheeks and caressing nose and relaxed eyebrows and gentle breathing and soft hair and delicate lips and allowed his heart to thump like it always did when his gaze fell upon his best friend. Right now he didn't have to hide how his eyes flooded with longing of what never could be. He could freely soak up how happy he felt that he had Haru laying on him, _allowing_ himself to become vulnerable in the presence of Makoto. The contact was sparkling and maximized his heart with a blazing warmth so particular to Haru and Haru alone that he could immediately tell the difference between anybody else. Nobody could do it like Haru could.

"Oi, Mako-Chan!" so wrapped up on his thoughts, Makoto jumped at the sound of Nagisa's voice. The motion sent Makoto swearing under his breath and seconds later Haru was tumbling down from his shoulder, sliding down his chest, and eventually landing in his lap. Makoto sat there frozen, barely even allowing himself to breathe and utterly ignored giving Nagisa any type of response. Haru began shifting, curling his legs in tighter and nestling his face into Makoto's thigh before letting his arms stretch out and suddenly becoming completely still. Makoto breathed. Nagisa whined his name again.

"What!?" he snapped, glaring at the screen. He realized vaguely that there was some ending monologue going on.

"Oh, it's not frozen." Nagisa chirped happily. If he heard Makoto's agitated tone he didn't show it. "You guys got really quiet so I wasn't sure."

"No, we're here." Makoto yawned, subconsciously laying his hand down on Haru's back. When he realized it he immediately withdrew, only to find himself replacing it with a second thought. It felt nice, even if it was just sitting there. "Mostly." A bomb went off on the screen and the credits then flashed.

"Whatttttt?" Nagisa protested. "Now I have to wait to see what happens!" Makoto could hear thumping that must have been Nagisa pounding his feet on the ground. His assumption was proven correct when the screen minimized and Rei put the camera back to the way it started, Nagisa laying on the floor staring at the ceiling in what was probably horror. Makoto couldn't help but wonder why there was popcorn all over the floor. He decided it might be best not to ask.

"That was an interesting movie, Nagisa." It wasn't exactly a great compliment to the choice, though to be fair Makoto had paid attention to about ¾ of it. "Lots of fire and stuff."

"I know wasn't it- Is Haru-Chan asleep!?" Nagisa shouted, leaning forward to adjust the screen, his face showing a mixture of adoration and distrust.

"Nagisa-kun, keep your voice down!" shushed Rei, pulling at Nagisa's cheek while Makoto put a finger to his lips. "Haruka-sempai is sleeping!" The way he said it, it made it sound like Nagisa had kicked a puppy or something. Nagisa's reaction was akin to just such a situation.

"Sorry!" he said much more softly. "That's no fair, though, Haru-chan… We barely got to spend any time together!"

"Haru has had a busy schedule this week. It's best if we let him sleep." Makoto reasoned, smiling sympathetically towards Nagisa. He understood the feeling.

"Yeah…" Still, Nagisa didn't look too happy about it, watching Haru sleeping peacefully on Makoto's lap before glancing at Rei. He grabbed his hand. "Hey, Mako-Chan?"

"Hmm?" he noticed a couple of hairs that had fallen into Haru's eyes and found himself reaching over to brush them away with a light touch.

"Are you really okay with how things are?" The question snapped his head up in one swift movement, eyes now trained on Nagisa's. He didn't ask for any elaboration because he understood the question without it.

"I have to be, don't I?" he asked quietly. "There's nothing else I can do."

"But I'm sure Ha-" Makoto shook his head, finding comfort in brushing Haru's hair back with his fingertips, soft and like solidized water in its most tranquilized state.

"I told you before- all three of you." He looked at Rei now too. "I don't want to ruin what I have with Haru over this. I cherish his friendship too much for me to make another mistake."

"I don't think it's a mistake though!" Nagisa pushed. "Mako-chan, you love Haru-chan more than anything!"

"Yeah. I do." He admitted with a sad smile, not even trying to lie.

"Then why a girlfriend, Makoto-sempai?" Rei asked softly, trying to mask that he was just as upset over this as Nagisa was.

"Because I can't do this anymore. It's too much. I can't continue on pretending that I don't love him when I do, and it's not fair of me to expect Haru to feel the same way as me when it's been made clear that he doesn't. But it's also not fair for me to have to devote myself to something that will never happen. I want what you two and Rin have. I want a relationship. Someone to kiss and hold and love forever. Someone who will make all the bad things go away when life gets tough. I deserve that, don't I? Haru can't give me that, no matter how much I wish he could. But Hiromi-Chan might be able to. Other girls might be able to.

"So I have to move on, because otherwise I will never be able to get over him and continue on with my life. If I don't at least try to change… How would I be able to forgive myself?" Makoto paused, looking down at Haru. "I don't think Haru would forgive me either."

"Mako-chan, he loves you-"

"But not in the way I love him." Makoto finished for him. "And nothing I will ever do will change that."


	4. Chapter 4

4.

There were many things Haru had in mind to do over his short summer break. Swimming, of course, filled up most of it, though doing absolutely nothing peaked his interest too. He had even tampered with a couple of recipes Mrs. Tachibana had sent him to try, saying that the twins loved them and she figured he and Makoto would adore them too. As usual, the woman was right.

Shopping with Hiromi, however, did not make the cut. He would have much rather been basking in the sunlit water than on the street with all the other temporarily free college students deciding their wallets were a bit too heavy. So how he ended up spending his limited time accompanying her and Makoto in the shopping district, Haru had no freaking idea. He felt like blaming Makoto. In all honesty, he was probably right.

It wasn't like the orca was the person who had asked him to tag along on the trip; Hiromi had done that herself. But Haru was pretty damn sure that Makoto was the one who had mentioned the idea and had thrown him under the bus as a result. Five minutes into the first store, however, and Haru couldn't even blame him. Shopping with Hiromi was maddening.

She was the ultra-shopper, everything catching her eye the moment she walked into the store. Sale or not, she was thumbing through the racks like a vendetta, tongue out and eyes piercing while looking for something she'd like. And when she did like something, she tried on five versions of it because, as she said, "you never know which one is the best fit if you don't try them all". Often she would end up getting more than one. Haru thought that that was ridiculous and told her so. Makoto then brought up his many swimsuits, which Haru didn't understand how that was even related because they all fit him different, goddammit. It most definitely was not the same. Makoto assured him it was.

The worst part, however, was that not only did Hiromi take forever to find things for herself, she also insisted that Makoto and Haru try things on as well. Haru found himself forced into shirts of all kinds (he blatantly refused to wear the neon with holes because the color and the practicality of it was as much as damaging to his retinas as it was to his dignity), into skinny jeans that were so tight Makoto had to actually come in and help him get them off, and to his surprise, into an outfit he ended up liking and buying because even he had to admit Hiromi was right on how great his ass looked in it.

By the time lunch rolled around, he was exhausted and ready to take a nap. As Hiromi and Makoto came back to their table outside a small café, he was silently praying to the water gods that they were done with this little adventure of theirs. Ah. Water. Maybe he would hit the pool later instead of a nap.

"Here you are, Haru." Makoto said, handing Haru his sandwich and a bottle of water. "Sorry it took so long, there was a long wait inside." Haru just shrugged, taking it with a thanks as they both sat on the other side of him, shoulders gently touching.

"I've known you for over a month now, Haruka-kun, and I still have never seen you drink anything but water." Hiromi noted with a smile, watching Haru unscrew the lid before touching anything else.

"I like water." Was all he said, pressing the rim to his lips. She laughed like he had said something funny, biting into her fry thoughtfully.

"Mhm. Mako-kun has told me all about the misadventures of you and pool-chan." Haru cast a look at Makoto. If he wasn't going to make Makoto pay for today before, he certainly was now. "Ah- don't be upset, Haruka-kun! You're Mako-kuns favorite subject, so I've learned a couple of things." She cast a caring look at her boyfriend whose ears were shading red. "For instance, I've heard you're a pretty good cook."

"I guess." Haru began unwrapping his sandwich, sulking slightly over how it was chicken and not mackerel.

"I wish I could cook." She pouted. "All I manage to do is burn things. One time my dad and I actually had to pull out the fire extinguisher on some grilled cheese. I'm rather jealous!" she was beaming now, like she was proud of him for doing something she couldn't, and Haru felt the urge to flick a fry at her. He would have if a, he wanted to be immature, and b, he had any fries to flick. Makoto had some, but Haru was pretty sure he would be against him punting a fried potato at his girlfriend's face.

"It's not that hard. It just takes practice." He then eyed Makoto, remembering that there was always an exemption. "Except for Makoto. It's a lost cause for him."

"Haru!" Makoto pouted while Hiromi laughed.

"I had to throw away three pans because of you."

"How was I supposed to know that it would stick to the bottom!?"

"Everybody does. You always spray it first before putting it on the burner. Even your siblings know."

"I-"

"Mako-kun, even I know that…" Hiromi frowned. Makoto's cheeks were big enough to be balloons. Red enough too. Hiromi ended up patting the left side, puffing the air out and deflating it as she tried to comfort him. "Don't worry, maybe chef Haruka-kun can teach us together! With me there, I'm sure you'll do better!" Makoto smiled at that.

"I can try!" Haru really didn't know how her presence could possibly make Makoto a better cook, since he had tried countless times to fix the problem already, but he decided that holding his tongue would probably be a better choice. He took another drink of water and cast his eyes to the side when Hiromi gave Makoto a kiss on the cheek.

"Mm, Mako-kun, did you find out about Saturday?" The way Makoto answered with an "uhm" made Haru look back at them. He couldn't help but notice the shifty glance in those green eyes, uncertainly lining up with his own curiously vivid blue.

"You forgot to ask him, didn't you?" Hiromi sighed, putting her forehead into her palm. She gave a light flick to Makoto's ear as if to scold him. "Haruka-kun, what are you doing this weekend?" It took all of two seconds for him to come up with a big flat nothing, but decided that it would probably look better if he pretended to be thinking about it. Even then, he didn't report his findings. Probably best to know why she was asking first. Like hell he was going shopping again.

"Why?"

"Okay, now hear me out, Haruka-kun, because I know you and you are a party pooper and you won't want to go but you really should! It will be so much fun!" Haru looked at her blankly, wondering in what universe she could possibly say that she knew him well enough to decide his personality. Hiromi looped her arms around Makoto's and smiled at him.

"So, Mako-Kun and I are going out dancing and we really want you to come with. I have this girlfriend- her name is Suzuki, but everybody calls her Zuki- and she's single and really cute and I've told her a little about you and she would love to meet you! Isn't that great!? It would be like a double date with best friends!" Haru didn't even skip a beat.

"No." Perhaps he wasn't giving Hiromi enough credit on how well she knew him because his reply didn't even seem to faze her. On the contrary, she was quick to respond just as blunt.

"I'll take you to the pool." Like a reflex his eyes became brighter at the mere mention of it. Still, he forced himself to hold his ground. Two years ago she would have had him. But not this time. This time he was prepared.

"I already have a pass." More than one, actually, but he decided not to add that factor.

"Come on, Haruka-kun!" she groaned, pulling at her ponytail. He counted her frustration as a win for him. "It will be a great way to get out there and enjoy yourself!"

"Now, now Hiromi-Chan," Makoto intervened, smiling kindly down at her. "If Haru doesn't want to-"

"You baby him too much, Mako-kun!" Hiromi interrupted, pressing fingers to his lips. "He needs to get out of the water and explore dry land. Besides, you said it would be fun if Haruka-kun came with too!" A splash of guilt crossed Makoto's face and Haru narrowed his eyes at him.

He was surprised that Makoto was up for this in the first place. He wasn't exactly built to dance fluidly across a dance floor. Raw power was more of his forte, his back and arms much more of his essence than his hips. The giant would probably be clumsy in his moves, stepping on Hiromi and other poor souls who got a bit too close to those dangerous feet of his.

Haru knew all too well what he was capable of because he had danced with Makoto before. An overabundance of guys in their gym class had him switch to dancing the girls part, which really he didn't mind except for the fact that Makoto seemed keen on smashing his feet and ruining his swimming career before it even began. By the end of it he just stood on Makoto's own feet, deciding beauty wasn't worth loss of limbs. Rei probably would have been disappointed.

Because of this Haru couldn't help but wonder why exactly Makoto even wanted to go. It was possible that Makoto had gotten better in the three years since then, but Haru seriously doubted it. So what drove him? He was tempted to say yes just to understand. But he couldn't do such a thing. Haru may be inexperienced, but he was not ignorant. He knew what happened at dance clubs. There would kissing and touching and grinding of bodies that didn't know the meaning of personal space while music pounded through the room and the drunks of the night made up the dance floor. And right in the middle would be Makoto with Hiromi wrapped around him like a snake, playing with the fluff of his hair, kissing at beautiful smiles, brushing at taunt arm muscles. They would only have eyes for each other. Haru would be just a member in the crowd, and wanting him to be there would not change that. He would much rather be at home sitting in his tub then be forced to watch Hiromi stick her tongue down his best friend's throat. In just a month he had seen enough of that to last his lifetime.

"I may have said something like that." Makoto laughed hesitantly, scratching at his cheek. "But I would never force you to go, of course!" Hiromi puffed out her cheeks.

"Well I would!" she slammed her palms on the table and leaned forward, eyes intensely staring Haru down. "Come with us! Let loose for once, Haruka-kun. Even if it's just a little while. Zuki really does want to meet you. When was the last time you got together with another girl? It would be good for you to get out there and meet people!"

"I'm fine, thanks." Haru said it in a final tone that sounded ruder than he probably should have allowed, but he couldn't help it. He was more than done with this conversation in multiple different ways. To exercise his point even further Haru excused himself and grabbed his half-eaten meal to toss it in the trash, heading towards the bathroom afterwards.

Inside, Haru used the coolness of the water to soothe his agitated state, knowing that if he returned like he left he would regret it. He really ought to be nicer to Hiromi. She was probably doing what she thought was kind. And really, how was she supposed to understand him when lately he didn't even understand himself either? Iwatobi had never made him act up like this. Haru sighed. Tokyo was starting to get beyond ridiculous. If he didn't sort out his shit soon he was going to go crazy. Maybe then he would stop treating Hiromi as if she was a threat to his very existence.

To his surprise, when Haru returned, Hiromi was gone and Makoto was left alone sitting at a cleared table. As usual, when Hiromi was gone a sudden pressure around him was released and Haru found himself much more relaxed as he sat back down.

"Where did Hiromi go?" he asked Makoto, looking at her vacant seat.

"Oh, when you were in the bathroom a friend of hers called and dragged her off." Makoto smiled at him lightly, though seconds later it dropped. "Haru, look I'm sorry Hiromi-chan sprang that on you. She mentioned it before and I told her you probably wouldn't be interested but-"

"Makoto, its fine." Haru interrupted. "It doesn't bother me. It's just not my thing." Makoto nodded, though he still looked guilty. "I didn't even really think it was your thing." Haru teased then, letting a small smirk lift his lips. "Do you not remember first year?" Clearly he did the way his face turned red.

"Well, it was Hiromi-Chan's idea but I thought it sounded like fun! We never had anything like that back home. Something new to try."

"No." Haru agreed, standing up. "Just make sure you tell her to wear padded shoes."

"Harrruuu!" Makoto whined, looking like he had when Haru had insulted his cooking skills. Haru wondered vaguely if it would be weird to deflate his cheeks just like Hiromi had. A part of him wanted to reach over and do it. The other part of him told him he shouldn't. Instead he watched silently as Makoto followed his example and stood up, both walking in-step as the started down the sidewalk towards the train station. A sudden thought then occurred to him.

"Makoto, you _do_ know how they dance at clubs, right?" he looked up at the tall brunette, watching him carefully.

"I, uh, yeah! I do." Haru could physically see Makoto swallow hard. It sent a shiver throughout his body and he suddenly stopped.

"Its not the same as school." The next thing he knew he was grabbing Makoto by the wrist and pushing him up against a wall somewhere to the side. Haru deliberately stepped a foot between Makoto's legs and pressed their chests as close as he could, pinning his free hand right next to Makoto's head. His heart was thumping wildly, yet his brain was nothing but calm. "There are no rules, no teachers telling you not to." His serious eyes looked right into Makoto, tipping himself onto his toes so their faces were a bit more even. Makoto looked as if Haru had just tried to stab him. "She will be up against you like this, grinding her body at every part of yours. The concept of personal body space doesn't exist there. You know this, right?"

"Yeah." Makoto breathed out slowly, the warm air sending electricity all over Haru's body and curling his toes.

"Are you comfortable with that?" the question was heavy in the air, almost crushing. "Will you be okay?" Makoto was taking forever to reply and with each passing second Haru was becoming painfully aware that maybe this was perhaps the dumbest thing he had ever done. Whatever line that they held between them, Haru was pretty sure he had just crossed it. This he was pretty positive of so when Makoto finally spoke, he couldn't help but take a sharp intake of breath and widen his eyes.

"You're worried about me." Makoto's voice was quiet and soothing, like this suddenly wasn't about Makoto immersing himself into something incredibly different and instead was about comforting Haru. It was so particular to Makoto's personality that Haru should have figured this would happen.

"I just don't want her taking advantage of you." Was all Haru could say, suddenly feeling embarrassed. The contact between them was rapidly becoming too much and Haru took a step back, allowing Makoto room to breathe as well as letting his own system settle. He was pretty sure he had just fried all of his neurons in one go.

"Haru-chan really is kind." Makoto smiled at him with adoration, the power of which was too strong for him and Haru was pushed into looking away.

"I told you to drop the –chan already…" he mumbled, attempting to give a bristling glare, though he was pretty sure it failed in light of the previous compliment.

"I'll be careful. Hiromi-chan won't let anything happen to me." Makoto placed a hand on Haru's shoulder. It wasn't something Haru had explicitly said, but Makoto understood anyways. It was how their relationship always worked. Some things were just easier to convey through other methods then by words. Haru just hmphed in response.

"We should get going." Haru was one who was rarely bothered by anything, and yet standing here was driving a prickling feeling at his skin and he found it both uncomfortable and unnerving and wanted it gone. He allowed Makoto's hand to slide from his shoulder and he quickly made up a pace back on the sidewalk where other pedestrians were making their way.

Except now things were awkward, and Haru realized that maybe this was his fault. There wouldn't be this silence, which usually felt natural yet now felt odd, hanging between them if he hadn't stopped to shove Makoto up against a wall. It didn't help that now it's all his mind was filled with and that he could vaguely still feel the pressure of Makoto's larger torso against his own and how warm it had been and how it had made his heart beat so dramatically but in a way different then it usually thumped. It was much less panicking and much more driven. It kind of reminded him of how it felt to compete against Rin, except it wasn't exactly the same. There was something different. He wished he could pinpoint what it was but found himself at a loss.

A block down Haru became aware that Makoto was watching him. Even without looking to his left he could feel the piercing gaze of emerald on his face and it burned his ears. One more block and it was driving him mad to the point he demanded to know what he was staring at.

"What is it?" he snapped, eyes darting up at him before back at the road where the lights were showing green. Whatever Makoto had been doing he must have been pretty focused because when he heard Haru's voice he jumped. "Is there food on my face or something?"

"O-Oh nothing." He laughed rubbing the back of his hair, finding interest in the sky up above. "Sorry, just thinking."

"Hm." Haru found himself rolling his eyes, watching the walk light suddenly turn red and stopping accordingly. If Makoto wasn't going to explain then Haru wasn't going to push him to.

It was probably because Makoto's eyes had re-trained right back on Haru's once he had looked away that he didn't see the lights change. He continued on walking, oblivious to the speeding car dashing through the intersection. But Haru did. Haru saw. And it was the third time Makoto Tachibana had ever made his heart stop.

"Makoto!" Haru was yelling, reaching out and wrapping his arms around Makoto's middle, pulling him back with as much strength as he could muster. It was abrupt and clumsy and they both teetered back several steps before losing balance and falling backwards onto their butts. The car zoomed by miliseconds later, honking its horn aggressively.

"Ahh!" Makoto gave a startled cry, his eyes widening at the spot he had been at moments before. His surprise turned into a shaky laugh. "That was close. I nearly became a pancake! Thanks, Haru." Makoto then frowned because the arms around his stomach did nothing but tighten. "Haru?"

But Haru wasn't listening. He was too lost in what had just happened. What had almost happened. He could hear the snap of Makoto breaking at the contact of the car, hear the thud as his broken body smeared across the ground. He could see all the blood scattered across the floor, the mangled limbs, the dead, lifeless eyes of what used to be bright green. The way that heart would suddenly just stop, no longer required to bring life to its owner. He wouldn't even get to see a small montage of everything in life he had enjoyed because his death would have been so sudden, so quick, that he wouldn't even get to see his family one last time before it was all over.

Haru had no control over the way his body was shaking, just like he had no control over how terrified he suddenly felt. And he hated it. He hated it because Makoto didn't get hit, he was fine and safe right there and front of him. Yet, even the almosts were horrifying because they felt so vivid and real in his head. If he lost Makoto, he would lose everything. That thought was enough to cause him to squeeze his eyes shut as anxiety started to creep in.

"Idiot!" Haru shouted at him, burying his forehead into the small of Makoto's back. He noticed that his voice cracked but found he didn't give a shit. "Don't be so reckless!"

"Haru…" Makoto seemed to become aware of his tremble then, hooking warm fingers under his hands and squeezing them gently. "Sorry."

"Idiot…" Haru said again, his voice much quieter. He hugged his knees tight against Makoto's sides. "Pay attention…" Makoto was going to give him a heart attack. He was positive, so freaking positive. His heart was not meant to be jumping around like this.

"Are you okay?" Makoto's voice was filled with worry and Haru could feel him try to turn around. He squeezed his grip so he would stop.

"Should it really be you asking me that?" He increased the pressure of his forehead against him. "Just… give me a minute." He let out a shaky sigh.

"Okay." Haru burrowed his nose, letting the familiarity of Makoto warmth calm him while the rise and fall of his back helped even out his unsteady breathing. He could feel the tension in Makoto's shoulders, sensed the will to turn around and probably try to comfort him, but he purposely ignored it because the last thing he wanted was to be fawned over like was Makoto's nature. This was fine. This was enough.

They sat there for a while, though for how long Haru wasn't exactly sure. People walked by and murmurs echoed but he paid them no attention, instead focusing on the light pet Makoto was gracing his fingers with. It was so soft and delicate, like he was some newborn kitten that could only be touched with the lightest of presses. Haru was sure he knew that a tougher pressure would do him no harm, and yet Makoto never switched from circling light caresses onto his thumb.

How did Makoto do it? How did he manage to always make him feel so warm? He wanted to be left alone to curl in this immense heat, let it wash over him and massage at all that hurt, all that throbbed until he could finally feel nothing but this. Nothing but Makoto. What was the outside world, Tokyo, Hiromi compared to this?

It was only when the warmth suddenly vanished did Haru become aware that Makoto had been moving, turning around to face Haru with concerned eyes. He grabbed the sides of Haru's face with warm palms, forcing Haru to look at him.

"Haru, are you really okay?" Makoto was biting his lip, his brows creased and Haru was sure there had never been an expression on Makoto's face that he ever wanted to take away so badly.

"I'm fine." He said quietly. And he was. He was fine. Because Makoto was here, alive, before him. "Just… "But there were so many things that crossed his mind. _Don't die. Don't leave. Don't let go._ None of them sounded like things he should be saying. Not when he was Haru. Not when he wasn't Hiromi. "Be more careful next time."

"Yeah… Sorry, Haru-chan." Makoto then leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together and Haru couldn't even bring himself to tell Makoto to lay off the –Chan. Not when Makoto gave him a new sense of warmth that almost made him want to cry.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

Of all the outfits Haru had ever found himself in while sitting on the train, none had ever made him feel as embarrassed as he felt now. This of course was including the several times he had ridden the train in nothing but his swimming suit. Sure it drew attention but it was something he had been comfortable in. The outfit he had on now just made him feel like a fish out of water. It didn't feel free. It felt uncomfortable. Restricting.

The dark skinny jeans weren't really the problem. No, Haru was used to wearing them since they were the only pant type that emphasized his slender legs and didn't make him feel like he was wearing clown pants. The shirt he wore, a zip-up hoodie with short sleeves that matched the color of his eyes, wasn't really a bother either. The shoes were the same pair he always wore. His hair was styled its normal way. There was nothing that screamed different. And yet he couldn't help but pull at his clothes awkwardly, the fabric itching from the inside out. With each passing second he was wishing for the normality of his tub.

Haru sighed, letting his head fall back as he stared at the ceiling. As for what brought him to this point, haru didn't even quite understand himself. It had been an impulse mostly to grab his phone in the dead of night and pull up Hiromi's number. His access to it had been everything short of voluntary, Hiromi snatching his phone right out of his hands and adding it without consent. Well, he guessed now that the action had its uses.

' ** _I'll go.'_** Was all he texted her, finding the action taxing as he hit sent. Haru allowed his phone to drop into the sheets after that, covering his eyes with his forearm so he didn't have to look at the ceiling anymore. He had no reason he could put into words why he messaged her. He just felt like he _had_ to be there. There were so many things that could go wrong on a night out to a club and he was sure that Makoto would find every single freaking one of them. Just like he did today. He should have seen that stoplight change, he should have he should have he should have-

Haru curled to his side, bringing his legs to his stomach. But as was Makoto's nature, he was oblivious where it mattered. In the adult world that they now lived in, that was enough to get him killed. He couldn't count on Hiromi to keep him safe. That's why he had to go. To make sure Makoto would come back.

The vibration of his phone startled him and Haru removed himself from his thoughts as he dove into his pocket and pulled it out. The blinking light told him he had a message and he swiped the screen to find one waiting from Makoto.

 ** _'Just left from picking up Zuki. We should be there in about 15 minutes.'_**

Haru lazily formed a reply saying he was almost at the train station. They would be there about 10 minutes before him, something of which Haru was glad for. He was pretty sure if he was the first to arrive he would end up leaving before they even showed.

An announcement overhead echoed the message he had just sent to Makoto, and as the train slid to a stop a little while later Haru plucked himself off of the bench with an inward groan of melancholy. It wasn't too late yet, he could always give Makoto a call and say he came down with a sudden migraine. If that wasn't enough he could add in clammy skin and the urge to vomit. With the amount of apprehension he was feeling it really wasn't that far off. He could stop this before anything even started.

Haru began to suck on his inner cheek, feeling a sudden sense of shame. When had he become so cowardly? It was unbecoming. Pathetic even. There was nothing about tonight that should be alarming. It was out of his comfort level for sure, but he would be fine, Haru knew he would be. Because Makoto was there. And Haru knew that as long as Makoto was by his side, he could do it.

Stepping off the train, Haru adjusted the hem of his shirt a bit before heading in the opposite direction of the station.

XxXxXxXx

The club they, well Hiromi really, had decided on was called "The Nest" and was located in one of the several downtowns of Tokyo, wedged beneath two other buildings of the same business. It was tall and wide, lit up like a Christmas tree in all its bright neon glory. As it was a street filled with bars and clubs, the entire road was littered with all kinds of people. The range was quite miraculous, the tip of the pinnacle being those who believed the brighter the better to those dressed in the blackest of shades like the shadows they emerged from. Of course there were people who dabbled in the middle of the spectrum as well. There were girls in short skirts with lots of cleavage hanging out, and guys with muscle shirts and tight pants that just couldn't be comfortable. Some people wore costumes. Others were dressed in very little. There were even a fair few who dressed modestly. Haru was surprised to find so many different characters in one place, and he had to admit it made him feel a little bit better about his outfit of choice.

As he started on the block, Haru didn't even have to begin searching for Makoto because the moment he made it in near vicinity of the club the brunette was already waving his hand over his head and ushering him over. He was pretty sure Hiromi must have dressed him because never in his life would Makoto be able to put together such a fitting ensemble. Clothed in an elbow-length emerald shirt, dark brown vest, and lightly tinted jeans, the fabric knew exactly where to hug. The vest emphasized his broad chest while the short length of his shirt left his forearms out for exhibit.

Next to him stood Hiromi, wearing a bright red dress and matching lipstick, chatting away with a girl Haru didn't recognize. The dress was modest for the most part, the collar hugging her neck and the sleeves to her shoulders. At her middle the hem dipped and hundreds of ruffles bounced out into a diamond shape between her thighs. It was definitely a dress made for dancing. Next to her jet black hair, pulled into a messy bun with framing strands, and ruby red lips, she looked like some exotic beauty pulled out of famous paintings. He figured the girl beside her must be Zuki.

The most striking part of his supposed date and the first thing he noticed was her hair. It was light pink, almost the color of faded salmon, and sat tied on her neck in a loose braid with little speckles of diamond buried beneath its faint locks. Despite being obviously dyed, it didn't look necessarily unnatural, the faint ivory of her skin almost making her look like porcelain. This was supported through her outfit, a gray knit sweater hanging off a single shoulder and dark purple skinny jeans drawing little attention in comparison to her hair. Beside each other Hiromi and Zuki were in distinct contrast in their colors and caused eyes to naturally gravitate towards their direction.

"Haru!" even across the mass of people he could still hear Makoto clearly. Relinquishing a curt wave to let him know he did in fact see him, Haru tiptoed around the mass of party-goers, stopping to apologize to a girl in a miniskirt after he accidently stepped on her foot, before making it to their location.

"Haruka-kun!" Hiromi was on him in seconds, grabbing Haru by the arm and closer to the circle. "You really came!" an overwhelming amount of floral perfume engulfed him and Haru turned his head to the side.

"I said I would." was his brisk reply, wishing she would just let go of his arm. He looked up at Makoto, who was smiling a docile ray of sunshine.

"You did, you did!" she hummed, obviously pleased. "And I won't let you regret it! Okay, Haruka-kun, I want to introduce you to the lovely Suzuki Anno! Zuki,-" and she reached across the air to grab her friend by the hand too- "This is Haruka Nanase! " Taking both of their hands now, Hiromi placed them in each other for a handshake and took a step backwards with a grin. He vaguely noticed that her eyes were the same shade as Makoto's.

"Its good to meet you, Nanase-kun!" Zuki took the lead, gripping his hand in abrupt tightness. "I've heard a lot about you!" A bit taken aback Haru just nodded. It would have been lying if he said the same thing, since he knew pretty much nothing about her, so he just said,

"It's a pleasure." Haru was in shock of how much of a grip this girl had and so when he finally got his hand back, he found himself quietly flexing his finger muscles as the four of them made towards the entrance of the club.

The one Hiromi had chosen was certainly… well, Haru expected something akin to noisy and troublesome, but he hadn't actually realized to what scale it would be at. The moment they paid for admittance and the doors were opened, they were deafened by loud, thunderous dubstep that had enough volume to ruffle his hair.

"It's so busy tonight!" Hiromi shouted, excited, as she threw her fingers up in a 'rock on' sign.

"Oh, Hiromi, lets go get drinks!" Zuki pushed forward next, latching onto the other girls shoulder and banging their heads together. "The line isn't too bad!"

"Okay!" Hiromi glanced back at them, and Haru could see that her eyes were already massive from the atmosphere. He never regretted forgetting Tylenol so much. "Did you boys want anything?" While Makoto shook his head and declined politely, Haru just mumbled out water.

"You boys are no fun!" she pouted, though still didn't push. "Go grab us some seats, then!" she directed them over to tables lit up in bright neon colors with a finger. To Haru they looked tacky, but he supposed it went with the aesthetic of the rest of the club. "We'll be right back." With a wink and a tug from Zuki, the girls disappeared into the flow of the crowd. Immediately Haru looked at Makoto, who looked about as awkward as he felt. Still, when he turned to return the gaze he offered a comforting smile.

"Come on, let's get a table." The club was hopping, so to speak, and cutting through the horde of people quickly became a challenge. While the girls were small and nimble, Makoto was a giant in himself, constantly uttering apologies as he bumped into arms and broke up dancing couples. Haru was in complete opposite, the flow of the crowd acting much like water as it tried to drag him away. Halfway through he was grabbing onto the back of Makoto's shirt to keep them from separating.

"This is ridiculous." He muttered, relaxing slightly as Makoto's body parted a path much better than his had. Makoto laughed.

"Well, it is the weekend. Ah- Sorry!" Makoto lowered his head slightly to a guy decked out in tattoos with a green glass in his hand. "It's bound to be a bit busy." Haru had to disagree with that. A bit busy would have allowed them to walk casually over to their destination, not in the zig-zag motion they currently were using. If it wasn't for the bright color of her dress he probably wouldn't have even been able to pick out Hiromi at the bar, waving her hand high in the air to get the bartender's attention. It was like a gigantic sea of people, except instead of wanting to swim in it, he wanted to turn on his heels and leave.

When they finally made it to the tables on the far side of the club, they collapsed into the chairs of a neon orange one with sighs of relief.

"Phew, we made it!" Makoto smiled to the table, pushing his hair back with a hand. "Hiromi-Chan said it was a popular place, but I guess I didn't really realize what that meant until now. I don't think I've seen so many people packed together before!" Haru laid his cheek into his palm.

"I suppose." he replied, tapping his fingers on the table, completely ignoring the beat of the music overhead. Over by the tables it was a bit duller to make room for conversation, but it still thundered in his temple. Oh, how he wished he had brought the damn Tylenol.

"Haru, you are okay, right?" Surprised at the sudden gentle tone of his voice, which did not fit the atmosphere of the club at all, Haru looked up at him. "I know you said you changed your mind and decided to come, but I know you don't like this sort of thing. All of these people and the noise probably are making you uncomfortable and I worry-" Haru shut his eyes. Stupid Makoto, knowing him too well. Stupid Makoto, thinking of his wellbeing instead of himself. Stupid Makoto, not realizing he came to protect _him_ , not for it to happen the other way around.

"Makoto." Haru cut him off with a piercing gaze. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. Don't worry so much." What started out as a look of uncertainty turned into a soft face of appreciation, and Haru found his cheeks getting warm at the expression stretched across Makoto's face.

"Thanks, Haru." The smile Makoto offered was much rarer than any of his other smiles, which usually came with their own sun. This one was more delicate and genuine.

"Why are you thanking me, idiot?" Haru found an interest in a speck on the table. "I haven't done anything." Makoto just shook his head.

"No reason." He propped his chin up with his knuckle. "I just felt like saying it." They both were lying. They both knew this, too. Each of them could tell just by looking at one another, see it through a glance in the eye or change in body habits. But they did each other the favor of not calling it out, as was habit of them since middle school. There was no point in clarifying that Haru's reason for coming was Makoto, nor was there any point in knowing exactly why Makoto was showing gratitude. They knew, and for them that was enough. Words were a waste of breath when a look was all it took to understand.

"Mako-kun!" her voice became muffled in the music and the throng of people, but Hiromi's shout still reached them. In perfect sync Haru and Makoto turned their heads to see the girls approaching, both supporting glasses filled with a light pink liquid and an added glass of water in Zuki's case.

Standing up, Makoto waved them over and they slipped between what looked like the cast of Grease as they headed in their direction.

"That was fast." Makoto commented, pulling the chair beside him out so she could sit. Zuki took the other seat beside Haru.

"Well," Hiromi giggled, sipping from the straw of her drink. "As you know, I can be highly persuasive." She wiggled her eyebrows towards Zuki, who snorted into her drink.

"Let's just say you should be proud of your girlfriend and leave it at that, Makoto-kun." Zuki winked. "Oh, and Nanase-kun!" she slid over the other drink she held, the ice cubes clanking against the glass.

"Thanks." Haru said quietly, nodding his head to her. She smiled back, bringing her own straw to her lips.

"Aurgh, I really don't like it!" Zuki burst out.

"What, the drink?" Hiromi asked confused. "You were the one who recommended it to me, you know."

"No, not that!" Zuki pointed a sudden finger at Haru, who had just started to raise the glass to his lips. He paused. "No matter how it looks, calling you Nanase-kun is so formal and stupid. I won't do it! We're not in high school anymore, formalities are lame! Haruka-kun sounds so much better- no wait!" she snapped her fingers, pointing at Makoto now. "What do you call him, 'Haru'? Haru-kun! Yes! That's what I'll call you! And you should just call me Zuki, kay?" Haru stared at her, eyes wide. Makoto looked rather bewildered. As for Hiromi, she was wiping her eyes in laughter.

"Zuki, then." Haru said after a moment's pause, glancing towards her. Zuki's eyes lit up as he actually complied. Haru just figured it was the path of least resistance.

"Woo!" she cheered to the ceiling, raising her glass before taking another sip of it. "It's a lot more fun this way, neh?" Haru didn't respond, instead pressing the rim of his glass to his lips so finally he could drink some of his water.

"Are you sure you don't want some, Mako-kun?" Hiromi asked, scooting her chair closer and offering him her glass. It was half empty already. "It's pretty yummy!"

"Mmm, I'm okay, Hiromi-chan." Makoto shook his head. "You enjoy it!"

"Always a gentleman." Hiromi smiled, pulling Makoto closer to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Oh well, more for us!" stretching her arm across the table she met Zuki's glass with a loud clank.

"You bet!" together they tossed their straws and downed the rest of the pink drink in a fit of giggles.

Haru found in a little bit over an hour that Hiromi and Zuki were not exaggerating when it came to drinks. While he and Makoto shared a single glass of water, each of them had two empty glasses at their sides. Amidst all this was girl gossip, something that Haru quickly realized was about as interesting as a rock, that mostly consisted of Hiromi and Zuki discussing who was hooking up while Makoto offered his own inputs here and there. Haru sat at the side in his own silence, choosing whether or not the information was important enough to listen to. Usually when he tried to care he discovered it was a waste of effort anyways, but he decided to give Makoto the benefit of the doubt since the orca himself seemed to be enjoying the chatter. He personally had never been one for small talk.

When she came back with her third glass in hand, Zuki finally turned her attention to Haru, giving him a curious smile.

"Hmm, so are you really as amazing of a swimmer as these two claim?" she asked, gesturing to the two on the other side. Currently Hiromi was whispering into Makoto's ear and they were paying little to no attention to them. Haru shrugged.

"I'm okay, I suppose."

"You suppose?" she giggled, though Haru didn't really understand what was so funny. "Aren't you trying to go pro?"

"Yeah."

"Then I would classify you as pretty damn good." When exactly had Zuki moved her chair so close? Without his notice, she had moved close enough so her knees were nearly grazing his thigh. He fought the urge to back away. "What do you swim?"

"I only swim free."

"Eh? But aren't there like five other strokes? How can you only swim one?" There were only three, but Haru decided it was best not to correct her.

"They don't feel the same."

"Feel the same. Hmm." Zuki looked at him for a moment before she burst out laughing, clutching her stomach like he had said something hilarious. He couldn't help but narrow his eyes, finding nothing funny nor inaccurate about his statement. "You really are interesting, Haru-kun!"

"Don't make fun of him, Zuki!" Hiromi butted in, standing up as she did so. "You can barely swim the doggy paddle."

"I'm not, I'm not!" Zuki waved her comment away, grinning. "I think it's cool you believe in something so much." She rested her chin in her palm, looking at Haru. "I don't think I could ever do that."

"Haru loves the water more than anything." Makoto smiled, and Haru couldn't help but locking eyes with the gleam of green. "He knows it better than anybody. I don't think there's a person in the world who could compete with that." It was a compliment, a high compliment where Haru was concerned, and he found himself burying into his water glass to keep his gaze focused on something else as his heart pounded inside. Stupid Makoto.

"Where are you two going?" Zuki asked, watching as Hiromi pulled Makoto up to his feet.

"Dancing, of course! That's why we came here!" she wobbled on her first step to the dance floor but steadied herself. "We're heading out first. We'll catch you two later, okay?"

"Bye-bye." Zuki grinned, waving.

"Haru," Makoto started, and Haru could hear it, the waver in his voice, the uncertainty of leaving him alone in such a place. He looked as if he had just been told to leave his puppy in the rain. Haru was sure that if Makoto continued to talk he would try to argue to stay at the table, or at least convince Hiromi to bring him out there with him. That's what Haru wanted the least.

"Have fun." Fast and blunt, Haru stopped him before he could even begin. "Don't step on too many feet. Remember, 1-2-3." He let out a smirk, then, because a part of him kind of hoped Makoto would.

"Haru!" Makoto whined while the girls looked at him with curious gazes.

"What is he talking about?" Hiromi prodded, hanging on his arm.

"N-Nothing." He stammered, and they left the table like that, sucked into the stream of dancers as soon as they approached. Haru watched them go, his smirk falling quickly when the two came to a stop and Hiromi grabbed his hands to dance. They started off with a quick pace, Hiromi twirling and bouncing around him, the dress like a ring of fire within the crowd. Makoto was better than he had previously given him credit for, moving in beat enough to match her ever-moving form. He had to admit they complimented each other, a flickering flame prancing around a steady earth. While one always moved, the other acted as a pillar to bring them back.

"Heh. Hiromi is really going all out tonight." Zuki grinned, bringing her glass to her lips only to pout when she found it empty. "I haven't seen her dance like this in ages." Haru glanced over at Zuki for a minute, only to return his gaze back onto the couple. "She must really like Makoto-kun." With sudden difficulty, Haru swallowed, working past a lump he hadn't realized was stuck in his throat.

"Probably." He managed, watching as Makoto and Hiromi came together as the song overhead ended. He watched, too, as Hiromi reached up and pulled him down by his neck for a kiss. Hands weaved into his hair and Makoto pulled her closer. They were tightly pressed just like Haru had warned, but his concern seemed to have been unwarranted. From where he sat, Makoto looked to be perfectly fine. Even as the music started back up they didn't separate. Haru wondered if it really was possibly for a stomach to drop or if it truly was just a metaphor.

"Hmm…" Zuki thoughtfully sighed, watching the same scene. "Come on, Haru-kun. It's stupid to just sit here and watch. Let's dance too!" Reaching under the table abruptly she grabbed Haru by the wrist and tugged, forcibly taking him away from his comfortable chair and out onto the dance floor packed with sweating bodies and lack of personal space. "Sitting at the table is boring! This is where the party is!" Zuki grinned, though Haru had no inclination to agree with her. But at least here, somewhere off to the far right, he didn't have to watch Hiromi and Makoto dance anymore. "Now let's dance!"

To concur her own order, her body began moving to the pulsing rhythm overhead, arms swaying, hips twisting, and all of her bouncing. Haru watched her, slightly impressed, at her ability to keep with the beat, and allowed himself to at least sway to the music, if nothing else to keep people from staring at his stagnant form.

"No, Haru-kun, that is not dancing!" she complained, the alcohol in her body making her words slur just a little. "You look like your about to start singing kumbiyah or something." She grabbed hold of his hands. "Like this!" and Zuki started pulling and pushing his arms back and forth, bringing them close to the ground before going back to full height.

"I feel stupid." Haru deadpanned, which she burst out laughing to.

"So!? That's how it's supposed to feel, we're dancing!" Smiling, Zuki twisted her body to the beat as she raised their arms up and down, bringing them closer before spreading them far apart.

"Isn't this what children do?" Haru continued to prod, finding himself rather reminiscent of one of Makoto's birthday parties when they were in middle school. It also featured pin the tail on the donkey and limbo. Zuki rolled her eyes and huffed out a breath.

"Fine! Then let's be adults." Before Haru had enough time to even think about what she could mean by that, she was pulling him by both hands infinitely closer to the point she released his arms entirely and pressed her body right against his, her leg between his thighs, hands clutching his lower back. "How that? Adult enough for you?" Zuki slowly started to slide her hands down his back and rested them on his ass.

Jolted with surprise, his heart suddenly was threatening to break out of his ribcage as his entire body stung as if his foot had fallen asleep and was slowly waking up. With each passing second he could feel his cheeks grow redder from embarrassment.

"I didn't say the dancing was bad." He mumbled, grabbing her by the shoulders in order to try and create some distance between them.

"Oh my god, you're blushing!" she laughed, allowing herself to be backed up.

"I am not."

"You so are, oh my god, that's adorable!" she giggled, reaching up to grab his cheeks, though he swatted the hand away before she even got a chance. "You really are new at this, aren't you?" Haru answered with silence, fixating his gaze on the couple beside them, grinding so hard he was sure they would wake up with rashes tomorrow. "Don't worry." Zuki smiled, biting her lip as she placed flat hands on his chest. "I don't mind. I find it…" she clenched her fingers like claws. "… _endearing_."

Overhead the song came to an end as Haru stared quietly at her, the room filling with whistles and shouts as they all waited for the next one to start up. She looked back with intensity, eyes fierce and bright like fire. But they weren't warm, as they should have been, like the other bright eyes of green he knew. No, they chilled him. He could feel it in his spine up to his neck where hairs stood on end. Green eyes were supposed to be kind and gentle and safe. He should be able to see stars and feel the sun. Her eyes were frauds. They did none of these things.

"We should probably go find the others." Haru finally spoke, taking a step back. Zuki tutted.

"Eh-eh-eh, Haru-kun." She scolded, following his step and running her hands up to his neck before bringing them back down. "I don't want to go back yet. I like this alone time with you. Besides, do you really want to go back and watch Hiromi make out with Makoto-kun again?" she stuck out her tongue in disgust. Haru sighed because he already knew his answer.

"No."

"So let's dance more." She murmured. As if at Zuki's beck and call, the music returned, this time pumping in beats a bit slower than earlier. This must have been what they called a 'slow song' for a club. "Like the adults we are."

He wasn't exactly sure what made him agree. Perhaps it was atmosphere of the club, or the amount of effort it probably would have taken to convince Zuki to go back to the table. It was most likely, in reality, the apprehension he felt towards going back to Makoto and Hiromi, who may or may not be still breathing souly through the oxygen in each other's mouths. Regardless of what the truth was, Haru slowly nodded to Zuki.

"Okay."

"Okay, he says." She smiled, bringing their bodies into a slow sway around the dance floor. It looked a bit odd with the beat currently running through the air, but Haru wasn't exactly in the mood to care how it looked either. "You really are a man of few words. But I suppose it is part of your charm. Still, you could work a bit harder to flatter a girl. 'I would love to dance with you until the sun rises in the morning' yeah, something corny like that would be great." Towards that, Haru couldn't help but scoff. "I agree, it would ruin your image."

"My image." He repeated.

"Yes. You kind of have a mysterious, cool persona going on." Haru hmphed at that. "We can't ruin that, now can we?" She dusted air off from his shoulder. "Big blue eyes, a stoic expression. You could give a girl shivers just by looking at you. And to top it off you're an athlete!" Zuki laughed to the air. "I'm surprised some girl hasn't scooped you up yet." Haru found himself shuffling his weight back and forth on his feet, unsure of what to say for the umpteenth time that night. This movement must have come to a surprise to Zuki because the moment he moved his feet she lost her balance and came tumbling into him.

With genuine concern, Haru wrapped an arm around Zuki to hold her steady, wondering if the alcohol had impaired her more than he had previously thought. She looked up at him, practically using his body for support, before a mischievous look spread over her face. An uneasy feeling rapidly built inside him, twisting his stomach into knots he thought should be familiar, but weren't. The music was suddenly louder. His temple was pounding. Was her perfume always this strong?

He was sure he could count her eyelashes.

His head hurt. Why hadn't he brought Tylenol? He should have brought Tylenol. The lights were killing him.

Makoto. Where was Makoto?

Right. He was with his girlfriend.

Stupid Makoto, leaving him alone. Even if he had said it was fine, even if that's exactly what he had said, it really wasn't. Because this was Makoto, gentle and kind and oblivious. He would find a way to get into trouble.

Haru was positive of this.

"You know, you're very pretty, Haru." Zuki whispered to him, her eyelids becoming heavy. "Almost like a girl. I don't know why but," she leaned in closer with green eyes that lacked warmth and a smile that spoke nothing of a sun. "I find it incredibly attractive." In a suddenly aggressive pull, Haru found Zuki's lips on his.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

Haru had only been kissed by three women in his life: His mother, his grandmother, and Mrs. Tachibana.

His mother was a forehead kisser, always brushing his bangs out of the way and giving a light press before wishing him goodnight or good luck or goodbye. They were more abundant when he was younger, but even as he grew up his mother would occasionally surprise him with one. They were always soft and gentle, and the words his mother sometimes didn't say were etched into its touch.

His grandmother was a lot more direct, often planting her kisses on the corner of his mouth. They had unnerved him at first, trying his best to avoid them when she would visit. But after she moved in and his parents left, he grew accustom to the affection. Each morning started with a kiss after he headed out to school, Makoto smiling in the background, and each night ended with one before she shuffled off to bed. He became so used to them that when she passed away, it felt like a piece of his day was missing. It took him a while before he stopped looking around for her.

Mrs. Tachibana, unlike the other two, was a loose cannon. Haru never knew what to expect with her. When he was little, she would kiss at the paper cuts on his fingers, the back of his head when she came through the door, and the bruises on his knees when Ren and Ran played a bit too rough. She held him close and kissed at the tears on his cheeks when his grandmother died, and on lonely nights when he felt the emptiness of his home to the point he had to stay over for days. He was kissed goodnight on the temple at sleepovers, and thanked with kisses to the forehead. There weren't many places left on his body where Mrs. Tachibana, with her pleasant mothering nature, hadn't kissed at some point in his life.

Haru had never been kissed by anyone else. He had never been kissed by someone he didn't consider family. And he had definitely never been kissed by a girl.

He expected it to be different than the kisses he had received before. He didn't expect it to feel this awful. Zuki's lips were hot, burning even, against his cooled ones, and yet he felt no warmth, no compassion from their press. It was nothing but a thin line of eagerness, impatience pushing her to kiss him harder. He could feel her nails press tightly into his skin, could feel her jaw working to open his own mouth as she begged for access with flicks of her tongue. Haru was suffocating. Everything about this felt wrong. It wasn't supposed to feel like this, right? It was supposed to be better than this, right!?

Makoto always smiled when he was kissing, always touched Hiromi in such a gentle way. It was something that made him happy, right? There was supposed to be caressing trails of fingers and light presses of lips that always left a warm trail. After all, there was no way Makoto's kisses couldn't leave Hiromi feeling warm, not when they came from him. They would feel just like Mrs. Tachibana's, sweet and full of genuine love. They had to make her heart pitter-patter and skip and even stop. Haru shouldn't be feeling as if he had been shot: He should be flying on cloud nine. But he wasn't. He was ice cold, Zuki's touch strangling him like rope.

It was supposed to be warm palms against his neck, soft and safe. His ears were supposed to be burning bright red. His heart was supposed to be pounding. Fingers were supposed to be weaving through his hair. Green eyes were supposed to be reflecting back at him. There should be a smile. Noses were supposed to brush. Lips were supposed to be warm. _Haru-chan._ Lips were supposed to be loving. _Haru._ Lips were supposed to be home. _Haruka._

Zuki was all wrong. It wasn't supposed to be her. It was supposed to be someone else. It was supposed to be-

Supposed to be-

Makoto.

It was supposed to be Makoto.

Why couldn't he have been kissed by Makoto?

"Get off me!" Haru cried, pushing Zuki off him with sudden aggression. Was the ground shaking? No it was him. He was trembling. Of course he was, after thinking something like that... He was panting too. Zuki couldn't have been on him any longer than a few seconds, but he was breathing like he had just run a marathon. He couldn't quite catch the oxygen floating around the room, the air too stuffy to be of any use. He needed to leave. He needed fresh air. He needed…

"What the hell, Haru-kun!?" Zuki shouted, causing a few of the couples nearby to look in their direction. Haru covered his mouth, looking at her with bright eyes. His heart was in his throat, he could feel it. _Thunk-thunk-thunk_ , faster than the dubstep overhead. Breathe. Breathe.

"I'm going." He managed to relay to her, despite everything, and started making his way off the dancefloor. She looked livid, as if he had just insulted her mother. Those green eyes were such a mockery about everything. He wanted them gone.

"Wait! All I freaking did was kiss you! Haru-kun, wait! I said wait!" she reached for his arm but he yanked away from her immediately, slipping through the throng of people and out of her reach. Immediately he was overwhelmed with unbearable heat as bodies slid around him like a pulse. He fought against its current, shoved couples apart and stepped on toes, even accidently felt up a person as he desperately tried to get her out of the way. Many shouts became aimed at him, a kind soul even asked if he was okay, but he ignored it all. He just wanted to leave, he just wanted to get out. When he at last saw the doors, he danced around a group of three and sprinted towards the entrance.

He flew through the door with ease, running past security, the waiting line, everyone. Eyes followed, drunks giggled, some random person even shouted "where you goin', cutie!?" Haru told himself he could stop. His feet kept running. _I can't breathe_ , his mind, his lungs, begged. _Farther, farther,_ his heart demanded. _Until it no longer hurts._

Blocks later, his body finally crashed, and Haru clutched the bricks of an alley with pale fingers. He inhaled the oxygen in rigid gasps, beads of sweat sliding down the back of his neck. The air refreshed his lungs and steadied his breathing, even felt nice against his skin. But it did little to help the loudness of his heart or the tremble of his body.

Slowly, Haru turned himself around, sliding down and pulling his knees to his face. Except for the faraway sounds of cars honking from time to time, it was complete silence around him. It was much more pleasing than the constant pound of the club. Seconds ticked by. He began to wish for his bathtub. He wished for Makoto too.

Haru squeezed his knees. No, no he didn't wish for Makoto. He was the reason for him sitting here in the alley in the first place! If he hadn't gotten a girlfriend, if he hadn't been dragged by them to this club, then—well then he would be sitting at home in the comfort of his water. If was their fault—Makoto's fault!—for all of this. Zuki touching him, Zuki kissing him, Zuki making him think something like that…

 _Why couldn't he have been kissed by Makoto?_ Haru's heart missed a beat. He remembered it, pictured it. Soft touches, green diamonds overhead, graced lips gentle but eager. Everything would tingle, from his nose to his toes, with each placid kiss. They wouldn't fall in one place, but in a trail. _Buzz-buzz_ his skin would vibrate. His body was on fire; all he wanted to do was keep kindling the flames.

Haru weaved his fingers into his hair and twisted the black locks. Why was it like this!? His relationship… his relationship with Makoto was nothing like that! They were best friends and nothing beyond it. Why was he thinking such things? It wasn't right, he shouldn't… he shouldn't be thinking of anything like this at all! Before tonight, he had never thought about Makoto like this. It was a ruse, a simple misunderstanding. There was no way it could mean anything. It was just his adrenaline messing with his brain from being kissed so suddenly like that. It would all go away in a moment and just be a forgotten memory. He would forget these thoughts, forget them… _forget them_! But if that was true, then, well then why did just the idea of it hurt so much?

 _Because you love him._ Haru froze. Somewhere far away, a cat meowed. Cars honked. A bunch of giggling drunks sung to Oldcodex out of tune. He was frozen. Haru sat there, staring wide eyed at his knees, not even twitching a finger. His heart didn't beat, he didn't dare breathe. If he stayed there long enough, perhaps he could merge into the wall. _You love him._

The pressure in his chest, that rock in his stomach, continued to pull and stretch and sink beyond what was possible until is frayed and tore in half, the thousands of little strings that were holding him together just completely gone as the rock cracked and crumbled into dust. The feeling left him utterly numb, almost weightless. In that moment he felt like a soul without a body, as if there was nothing to hold him there. It felt like he was swimming. It felt like he was free.

And then his mind jump started and his head was swirling at this impossible realization. What- what the hell was he even thinking? Him, in love with Makoto? The idea was simply preposterous- impossible! He wasn't. He couldn't! Makoto was his best friend, his _family._ Of course, if he did think about it, he did love Makoto. But they had known each other since they were infants- they were practically brothers! Makoto had been there for everything, from his ups to his downs, and even the in-betweens. Always there, always smiling. Denying that he didn't love him would be cruel.

But what his mind was promoting was inconceivable. He couldn't be in love with Makoto. Because being in love meant…

Haru's eyes went wide.

It meant caring about someone with all of your heart. It wasn't just pitter-patters of hearts and adoring looks and warm touches, though that was definitely part of it. No, being in love was so much more than that. It meant total acceptance of a person, not just of the good, but of the bad and the quirky. The person of affection was their world, the center of the universe. When they smile, you smile from the sheer brightness of light. When they laugh, you laugh too because something so beautiful is nothing but contagious. And when they are passionate or upset or determined or stubborn, you feel it, feel it in every fiber of your being because being in love meant understanding and comfort and trust and oh god what had he _done_? Haru buried his face into his hands.

"Could I really be…" he found himself murmuring, doubt starting to take over any previous reasoning he had. Because it was impossible, completely impossible—and yet there was no way Haru could ever deny Makoto's importance in his life. He would never want to. Makoto was… Makoto was the only one who wholly understood him. He was the first to offer him a hand, the first to give him comfort, and the first to accept him, strange quirks and all—and there were a lot of them. Makoto was the light that led him to the water, and yet allowed him to soak as he pleased. He gave him the pushes he sometimes needed to take a dive, but never once did he shove him into the deep-end alone. He was always there, always beside him. There to support him, to scold him, and to care for him. Haru appreciated Makoto, appreciated him more than he could ever say. But was he really _in love_ with Makoto?

The way his heart began to pound at just the thought of love furthered his doubt. It hadn't always been like this, had it? There was a time in his life where the thought of Makoto didn't affect him at all. Before Tokyo, everything had been normal. So what had changed? Haru couldn't help but scoff at his own obliviousness. Hiromi. Hiromi is what had changed.

All of this had started when Hiromi had come into the picture. Before she and Makoto had started dating, he hadn't even given Makoto a single thought in that way. But now… he was becoming a mess. His nonsensical heartbeat, the knots in his stomach, the strong dislike for Makoto's girlfriend, all the symptoms made sense now. He couldn't remember blushing this much towards the brunette before, nor could he remember being so blinded by his sweet smile and gentle gaze. Nagisa never made his stomach flip. Rei never made his hands sweat. Rin never set his heart aflame like this. None of them made him imagine what their lips might feel like. This was all just because of Makoto. Makoto was the one doing this to him. And Hiromi was the catalyst.

There was no denying it. There was no way, no way at all. Not when he could see it now, not when all the pieces of the puzzle fit. He was in love with Makoto, so deeply in love that it was ridiculous.

"I'm in love with Makoto." Haru whispered, touching his lips as he said it. He could feel his cheeks burn pink and his insides squirm like they never had before. It was a strange sensation, and it took him a moment to realize what this feeling was. He was having butterflies. He, Haruka Nanase, was having butterflies in his stomach after admitting that he was in love. It shocked him so much that he burst out laughing, giggling into his knees like some lovesick school girl. It echoed around the alley and he laughed harder, clutching himself into a tight ball. His eyes began to sting. Tears slid down his cheeks like rain. He ignored them and laughed, laughed until his stomach hurt. Let it hurt like the rest of him. He couldn't find a way to make himself care anymore. And when the laughter stopped it was replaced by sobs, and Haru cried into his hands as his body shook with this newfound revelation.

What a pitiful person he was. How dare he fall in love with a straight man? How dare he fall in love with his best friend? How dare he fall in love with Makoto? Haru didn't want to know what kind of past life he had lived before to disserve this. He just wanted to swim. That's all he ever wanted. To swim with Makoto. Why did it have to turn out like this?

Because what could he do, even with knowing? Makoto had a girlfriend, had Hiromi. Even if he had enough courage to tell Makoto how he was feeling, it was too late to do anything about it. Makoto was happy with her. He was just the friend. He now understood why he had taken so long to come to this conclusion. His mind had been desperately trying to protect him from the truth. That even if he loved Makoto, he could not have him. It was easier to live in ignorant bliss than to know and be able to do nothing.

The vibrate from his phone sounded otherworldly as it sounded off and it took several rings before Haru was able to understand it was real and not just his imagination. With clammy hands he reached for it, more so out of habit than a wish to answer it. Reading the caller ID, his stomach fluttered again, and he couldn't help the small quirky smile he got as he wiped away lasting tears. **Makoto.** Why was it that, no matter the situation, Makoto always knew when he was needed? Haru pressed answer and put the phone up to his ear, music blaring before he even heard Makoto speak.

"Haru!? Haru, are you okay?" Alarmed, Makoto was alarmed for him. This idea shocked him, and yet he couldn't help but feel a bit pleased at his best friends worry. He really was messed up, wasn't he?

"I'm fine." Haru managed into the phone, hoping that his voice didn't sound choked up or broken. In the background he could hear the pounding of the club music grow quieter. Had Makoto left the club?

"I'm so glad you answered!" came his response, a sigh of relief buzzing into the phone. "Zuki said- oh sorry- she said that you just took off running and I was so worried! What happened, Haru? Are you sure you're fine? Tell me where you are and I'll come find you." Haru's insides did a flip. The way he was now, there was no way he could face Makoto. Not when tears were still drying on his cheeks and realization was still pumping through his veins.

"Makoto, I'm fine." He tried to reassure, clearing his throat. "I couldn't handle all the people, so I left. It just wasn't my thing."

"But Haru… that's…" Even without being there, Haru could tell Makoto was biting his lip, contemplating what he would say next. "Look, where are you?"

"Don't worry about it." Haru shook his head, closing his eyes and laying his head against the bricks. "Stay at the club. I'll just catch the train and go home." Makoto's response to that became panicked.

"What no! Haru, it's so late! It's not safe for you to ride so far alone."

"I'll be fine. I've ridden the train plenty of times before."

"But not this late! Please, if you want to go home at least let me come and take you back…" Haru couldn't help but snort at this.

"What about Hiromi?" saying her name made a strange tingle travel down his spine and left him uncomfortable. "You can't just leave her alone at the club. She's your girlfriend."

"Well yeah, but-" Makoto struggled with forming a coherent sentence.

"Like I said, don't worry about it. Go back and have fun. Don't keep her waiting."

"Haru, if you really want to leave can you at least go to my house instead, like we had planned? I don't feel comfortable with you out in Tokyo by yourself so late at night…"

"Nothing will happen to me Makoto."

" _Please_ Haru. I'd feel so much better if you did as I asked. _Please."_ Makoto was begging now, and Haru found himself caving in seconds. He couldn't say no, not when Makoto was caring so deeply about him.

"Okay. I will go there instead." Makoto's relief was vocalized on the other end.

"Thank you, Haru. Text me when you get there, okay? Just so I know you made it there."

"When did you become my mother?"

"Please, Haru…"

"I will." Haru assured him softly. "Goodbye, Makoto. Have a good time. Step on some feet." There was a light chuckle at the other end.

"Bye, Haru. Be safe." Haru hung up the phone with a sigh, looking up at the star-less cloudy sky overhead. His body felt exhausted. Too many emotions in such a short time had ransacked his reserves and left him feeling numb once more. Makoto was probably right. It was more than likely best that he just go to his house instead. It would be safer than an alley. More comfortable too. He could take a shower, maybe make a snack. And then he could sleep. Just the mere thought of no longer having to think sounded like heaven.

Still, even with a plan in mind Haru found himself unable to move for quite some time. His legs still felt like jelly, even with a trained body like his. He was afraid that if he stood up, he would just fall back down again.

The thought of worrying Makoto if he didn't arrive soon was what eventually pulled him to his feet. He brushed off some dirt from his clothes, then wiped at his eyes once more before leaving his make-shift sanctuary to find out where the hell his feet had taken him.

It turned out that his sprint from the club had lead him further away than he had thought, but not down to a place he had found unfamiliar. In fact, it had lead him not two blocks from a small café he and Makoto often frequented for coffee and sweets. From there he was able to figure out a path back to Makoto's quite easily, walking along the hidden footsteps they had previously left.

He could understand Makoto's worry about the darkness of Tokyo a bit better now, now that he was walking through downtown without the light of the sun. Shapes jumped in the shadows, and a couple of times he became wary at the presence of other individuals, most of which moved in crowds.

When he finally arrived at Makoto's door, Haru was able to find the spare key hidden in the dirt of a flower sitting off to the side. After wiping some of the mud off- Makoto must have just watered it-, he inserted it into the lock and pushed the door open. Darkness from the apartment greeted him like an old friend as he closed the door behind him. He scanned the room for whatever reason, as if checking to make sure nothing was out of place, which really made sense since it was all darkened blobs anyways, and found it to be somehow satisfactory.

Forgetting the lights, Haru kicked his shoes off to the side and pulled out his phone to send a message to Makoto because he was pretty sure the brunette would not be able to relax until he received confirmation that Haru had made it through Tokyo safely.

 _I'm home._

He hit send and looked away for only a moment before realizing what he said, alarm quickly overcoming his features.

"Shit shit shit-" Haru stammered at his phone, clicking unsuccessfully as the word _sending_ changed to sent . It wasn't really a big deal, but yet it was, because this wasn't his home, it was Makoto's. Makoto's, who he now knew he was in love with, and that changed everything. Claiming this as his home now felt so wrong, like he was invading on a space he shouldn't be, and now he was afraid Makoto would call him out on his mistake, say that no, he wasn't at home. He was just at Makoto's.

Haru squeezed his phone tightly, sitting against the back of Makoto's couch with his knees drawn up. How could something so small drive him this crazy? The dark did nothing but amplify the pounding of his veins. Waiting for a reply from Makoto was agonizing, and he wasn't even sure if he would receive one. Maybe Makoto was off dancing with Hiromi again with his phone left at the table? Or perhaps he did see it and saw what he wrote and found it so weird that he couldn't bring himself to reply?

The buzz in his hand startled him out of his thoughts and Haru had to swipe to unlock it multiple times because he was so nervous about the waiting reply.

 _Good, I was starting to worry… There is water in the fridge if you want some. I shouldn't be too long. I'm glad you made it safely._

Haru stared at the message, his ears ringing. Makoto didn't say anything about it. He didn't even tease him. He was just happy he was there. It was all so very… Makoto. Haru sighed into his knees, setting his phone to the side. He didn't understand this… any of this. Of course Makoto wouldn't. Makoto was too sweet of a person to find what he said strange. He probably would even chuckle at the message and think how very Haru it was.

He released a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping. Why did everything have to get so complicated now? Back home everything came so easy. Friends, swimming, school, Makoto. He had felt so in control- now everything was spiraling. Haru wanted his stability back. He wondered if that was possible.

Standing up, Haru meandered through the dark towards the bathroom. If there was any way to find the answer, it was in the water. He could already feel the calming liquid on his skin as he stepped through the door and flipped on the lights.

More than 20 minutes passed by before Haru finally stepped of the shower, cheeks flushed and hair dripping, wearing borrowed clothes from Makoto. He did have some of his own clothes laying around somewhere, as it had been the initial intention for him to spend the night anyways, but in his desire to get into the shower he had forgotten to go searching. In the end, it was just much easier to grab some clothes off the floor, especially since one of the items was his favorite orange shirt. Besides, he always felt comfortable in Makoto's clothes. They were always a bit big for him, and so offered room for his limbs to breathe. They also smelt like Makoto, but Haru was pretending that he didn't notice that factor for the moment.

His next task became somewhat that of a maid as he began picking up little things Makoto had left around the apartment. A single forgotten shoe, a poorly folded blanket, a few dishes in the sink. Makoto wasn't exactly messy, but compared to Haru's lifestyle and the way he kept his own home, it was a bit of a distraction. And really, he didn't mind chores. He would be lying, though, if he wasn't a bit glad for it.

Though he was tired, much of his body was still buzzing with the day's adrenaline. With so much going on his mind wasn't yet ready to power down and leave him be. He needed to keep busy, just for now. If this meant re-organizing Makoto's movie collection, then so be it.

It was nearing 2 when Haru started stifling yawns, and he finally made his way towards Makoto's bedroom, eyeing up the larger bed with pleasure. He all but collapsed onto the fluff, instinctively curling his legs into his stomach and covering his face. It was cool and soothing against his face, still relatively warm from his hot shower.

Face pressed up against it like this, Haru was overwhelmed by Makoto's scent.

It smelt like fabric softener, but also him. Through it he could feel the warmth of his gaze and gentle touch of his smile, even hear the ring of his laugh. And it was sweet, the smell, because Makoto liked sweet things. There was chocolate cake and whipped cream frosting and even a small scent of blueberry, just like the flavor they used to share in their ice cream back home. The blankets lulled him like nothing else could and he wrapped his limbs around them tighter, buried his face deeper, because the sensation was just so soothing and wonderful. He never wanted it to stop.

'I'm home' Haru couldn't help but think as he snuggled his face into the fluffed fabric. Because who was he kidding? Makoto was his home.

XxXxXxXx

Makoto had never been so impatient in his life. The moment Zuki came up to them and said Haru had ran off, he had wanted to leave. He wanted to race after him, find out what had happened, and make sure he was okay. In the end, all he got to do was make a simple phone call and wait for a text message.

The waiting was nerve-racking. There was something in Haru's voice that made it all the more worse. He didn't sound as he usually did. It was subdued, even more so than usual, and the words felt forced too. Makoto was positive something must have happened. But as to what that was, he had no idea. Zuki told them nothing but that Haru left before latching onto an arm of a guy she said she knew and disappearing off towards the bar.

Hiromi did her best to try and distract him for worrying about Haru, assuring over and over that "Haru was a big boy and could handle himself" and "he even told you he would be fine!" but even so, he refused to go back on the dancefloor and sat at the table with his phone tight in his hands. She ended up just sitting across from him, tapping her nails to the beat as she watched others dance.

When the phone finally vibrated, he flipped it open with ferocity, hoping it was from Haru, hoping that he was okay…

 _I'm home._

Makoto could feel his insides melting into a warm gooey mess, the message causing a wide smile to spread across his face with a giggle. Home, huh? _So cute…_ Makoto knew what Haru meant- there was no way he could mean his actual home, it would have taken way longer- but just the thought of Haru calling his own apartment home made his whole body tingle with happiness. Haru probably didn't think anything of sending something like that, probably didn't find it weird at all, and that made it all the better. It was so like Haru. He always said and did things from time to time that were a bit quirky from the usual, but Makoto couldn't help but find it anything less than adorable. Humming, he began to text back.

"See, Mako-kun, I told you he would be fine." Hiromi reached across the table and squeezed his arm.

"Yeah, sorry Hiromi-chan." Makoto shut his phone and gave her an apologetic smile. He really did feel bad for abruptly ending their dancing.

"You should put more faith in your girlfriend's words next time." She winked. "And, well, Mako-kun…" this time Hiromi moved out of her seat to sit on his lap, his arms automatically wrapping around her to prevent her from falling. "I know you care about Haruka-kun and that's fine but… don't you think you baby him too much? He's not your son, he's your friend."

"Do I?" Makoto chuckled nervously, scratching at his chin.

"You do." She poked him in the chest. "You fawn over him like some mother hen! Just last week you were wiping his face with a napkin when we went out for ice cream. And you're always standing so close to him and always looking at him and smiling and just… It's not what you do with your friends! It's _weird_ how close you two are, even with knowing him for forever.

"And I know I'm probably reading into this too much but I just feel like it's "Haru" time all the time and just… Mako-kun, I'm your girlfriend, not him…" she ended with a whisper, looking up with eyes Makoto could only consider number 2. "Please don't forget that. I want attention from you too." He found that swallowing took twice as much effort.

"Yeah. I know." And so he wouldn't have to say anymore, he kissed her. Because this was concerning Haru and when it came to him he was spineless in the best way. He wouldn't be able to stop the affectionate gazes and sudden smiles for her. Not when he still loved Haru, not when she was still second.

"Let's go dance some more." Hiromi hugged into his chest as their lips parted. "Just the two of us. Forget about everyone else."

"Okay." Makoto helped her off his lap and to the dancefloor.

By the time Makoto made it back to his apartment, it was nearing 2:30 in the morning and he was pretty sure his feet were about to fall off in protest. At first the darkness of the room caused his shoulders to tense and he quickly began to worry that Haru had lied to him and actually _had_ gone home, but a quick flick of the light relieved him of any worry when he caught sight of familiar shoes. Also, was it just him or was it cleaner in here? Makoto lazily kicked off his own shoes before setting them beside Harus's, then unbuttoned his vest. He glanced towards the kitchen. Yes, it was definitely cleaner. Haru had freaking cleaned his house.

Locking the door behind him and hanging his keys up on a hook, Makoto began his expedition to find him. If this was any other house, the first place he would have thought to visit was the bathroom. He had had enough experience with Haru to know that if he couldn't be found, he was more than likely soaking in the tub. But as Haru constantly reminded him, his bathroom was shower-only and not worthy. So, with that in mind, Makoto made the way towards his bedroom.

Through the light from the hall shining into the room, he was able to find Haru quite quickly, curled up on the bed with his face hidden and legs wrapped around a mound of blankets. Without a thought Makoto smiled, leaning his head against the doorframe.

"You'll catch a cold like that, Haru-chan…" he whispered, but didn't move from his spot right away. Instead, he allowed himself to look just a bit, admired the smallness of body and the cuteness of his toes. The back of his shirt was pulled up a bit and he could see the smoothness of his skin, slightly bronze from spending time outside at the pool. He wondered if the rest of him was the same color. Were there perhaps red marks from spots missed with sunscreen? Maybe along the jut of his spine, or across his shoulders. Makoto wet his lips, realized what he was doing, and quickly distracted himself with getting a blanket from the closet to cover Haru with.

Since it was summer, he pulled out a thinner quilt their neighbor Ms. Tamura had made him for his 18th birthday and draped it over Haru's shoulders.

Up this close Haru's hair looked incredibly soft, and though Makoto already knew it would be, he had the urge to touch it and so reached over to run his hands through blackened locks. It was a little damp to the touch, but that just made him want to run his fingers along the strands all the more, perhaps even graze them down the back of his neck. _I really want to kiss him…_

Abruptly Makoto pulled his hand away and stepped back, heart pounding. What was he doing? He needed to leave, needed to walk away before he did something he might regret. His friendship with Haru was more important to him than all the urges his body was screaming at him. He was dating Hiromi. He was supposed to be falling in love with Hiromi. So why did his yearn for Haru seem to be increasing day by day? Makoto aggressively ran his hands through his hair, leaving the room for someplace safer.

XxXxXxXx

Haru woke just as the morning's light started to filter in through the windows and sprinkle his face with sunshine. Much like a cat he stretched his limbs with a silent yawn, rubbing at his eyes. He was a bit surprised when his feet didn't meet cold air and took quick note of the blanket covering him. Probably Makoto's doing. Just that thought was enough to remind him of the previous night's events. Haru twisted over and groaned silently into the blankets, his mind wide awake now. Speaking of Makoto, Haru dimly noted his absence in the room. Where was the brunette anyway?

Despite the warmth of the bed, his curiosity soon got the better of him and Haru ended up sliding out of the bed and tiptoeing into the hall. The apartment was deathly quiet in the silence of the morning and Haru found himself treading lightly as to not stand out. It was the living room where he found Makoto, all sprawled out on the couch. It was rather an amusing sight, actually, as the piece of furniture was obviously not meant for someone as tall as Makoto to sleep on. Though turned on his side and knees tucked in, his feet still ended up hanging over the edge. His head, too, was oddly propped up on the other side, where even a pillow wasn't probably enough to give comfort. Still, Makoto was fast asleep, his peaceful face and gentle breathing coming in clearer as he walked around the couch to stand in front of him.

He never knew Makoto could look so sweet while sleeping. With all of his features relaxed and his mouth slightly open, he looked like the poster boy of complete innocence. It was like this that the subtle baby fat in his cheeks showed, moving slightly with each temperate breath. Haru couldn't help the warmness rising in his cheeks the longer he stared at Makoto. Was it strange to map and memorize the precise layout of the hair framing his face? Was it odd to be transfixed by the rise and fall of his chest? Haru supposed it was, and found himself on his knees before Makoto with a pounding chest.

Never had Haru wanted to touch Makoto so much. He wanted to grasp hands and touch skin and stroke through fluffy hair.

"I love you, Makoto." Haru whispered. And there wasn't a doubt in his mind. Not now, not when he was looking at Makoto like this and could _feel_ it. His heart was burning with adoration, with love, and he knew it was the real deal. _I want to kiss him…_ Haru stared at Makoto lips and found himself biting his own, leaning forward before he let his mind catch up with the rest of him. It would be their first, their last, their only, Haru promised. Just something to hold onto when he had to give Makoto away to somebody else. And even then, he would be sure to stay by his side.

Because yeah, being in love meant adoring smiles and loving gazes and comforting touches. But it also meant broken hearts. For when you are truly in love with someone, you want them to be at their happiest. Even when it's not with you. And he would do anything to keep Makoto's smile from fading.

Haru gently pressed his lips against Makoto's in a small chaste kiss, lips tingling as he slowly pulled away seconds later. They were warm and chapped and held no response, but Haru didn't care because it felt like everything it should have been with Zuki.

"I think I've been in love with you my whole life." Haru murmured, and he lost breath as he watched Makoto start to finally stir before him. Soft lashes slowly rose and Makoto yawned, eyes fogged over before gradually coming into focus. When he noticed Haru, he smiled. "Good morning, Haru."

"Morning, sleepy." Bathed in radiance, his lips still tingled, and Haru couldn't help but offer a small smile back. "Want some breakfast?"


	7. Chapter 7

7.

"Haru, put that down."

"No."

"Yes! Don't make me tell you again. We are _not_ having that tonight."

"Shut up, Makoto."

"Haru, I swear to god if you put that in the basket, I will make the smallest of cuts in one of your swimming suits, and you will never know where. _You will have to live with it and suffer."_ Haru glared over the pack of mackerel in his hand, trying to gage the seriousness in those lovely green eyes of his.

"You wouldn't _dare."_

"Do you really want to make that bet?" Haru couldn't help but feel slightly offended as Makoto stabbed him in the back with the threat of his suits. It was a low blow. As dramatically as he could, Haru dropped the pack of fish back with others, cheeks puffed out in a pout. Not even mackerel was worth the risk.

"I don't see what's wrong with having mackerel."

"We've had it the last four nights I've been over!"

"So? It's good." Really, why must Makoto be in such denial over the obvious?

"Well, I want something else!" Makoto replied hotly, grabbing Haru by the wrist to steer him away to another isle. The touch caused Haru's fingers to tingle and he flexed them instinctively. "We will turn into fish ourselves at this rate! Hm, well I suppose Haru already has that covered."

"Makoto, are you calling me a fish?" Haru looked up to find playful eyes looking down at him.

"You do spend a suspicious amount of time in the water." Makoto looked thoughtful. "But you have legs, so not quite a fish. More like a mermaid. Hey, didn't you write that down for what you wanted to be in kindergarten?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Haru felt his face heat up because yes, yes he had. Leave it to Makoto to not forget about it, either. "I'm going back for the mackerel."

"Don't even think about it!" Makoto snagged his elbow before he could even try. "Let's broaden our horizons! Try new things!"

"Fine." Haru crossed his arms. "What are we eating, then?" Makoto grabbed some rice of the shelf and added it to their shared basket.

"Green curry!" Haru narrowed his eyes.

"Isn't that _your_ favorite?" he accused. "How is that something new?"

"It's not mackerel."

"I'm not making it." Haru refused, looking the other way. It was Makoto's turn to pout.

"What Haruuu…! Please?"

"No. If we can't have what I want, then we can't have what you want either." Haru didn't care if it was selfish. He was bitter, dammit.

"That's not fair! Then what are we supposed to eat?"

"I don't know."

"Then let's just have curry! Please, Haru?" Makoto clapped his hands together in prayer, bending down so they would be eye level. "You haven't made it for a while and I've been craving it bad. No other place can make it the way you do. Not even Mom." Haru's ears perked a bit at the compliment and he made the mistake of looking back at Makoto. The puppy-eyes hit him like a brick, and left him momentarily speechless, the overall cuteness getting the better of him. Nobody should be allowed to make their eyes all big and sparkly like that. It was an incredible weapon of mass destruction.

"W-whatever." Haru exhaled deeply, looking away again. "Fine. We can have curry."

"Really?" Makoto's eyes lit up and he grinned broadly.

"Yeah." It wasn't really that much of a loss, anyways. Not when he got to see Makoto so happy like that. The brunette was practically buzzing with joy, humming softly as he grabbed the rest of the ingredients Haru would need to make their dinner.

It was on Makoto's own demand that he would pay for everything, despite Haru's protests, and after another stare down at the register, they left the small grocery store with two bags full of groceries.

"Is it really this late already?" Makoto groaned, staring at his phone with annoyance. "Crap, I didn't think it would take us so long to buy groceries."

"You're the one who couldn't decide between chocolate and white cake." Haru reminded, feeling the cake heavy in his bag. Sometimes Makoto could be as bad with his sweets as he himself could be with mackerel. Oh. Was this some kind of retribution?

"It was a hard decision!" Makoto whined, his voice reflexive of his recent struggle. "I don't want to make a bad impression on Hiromi-Chan's friends! What if one doesn't like white? What if someone is allergic to chocolate!? Someone could have _died_ Haru." [1]

"Because choosing marble solved that problem."

"I just want to try and make the best of both worlds. At least this way everyone gets a bit of both. Ah, bu what if someone doesn't like cake…"

"Relax, Makoto. It's free food. No college student is going to say no to that. You even said that Hiromi wasn't expecting you to bring anything."

"Yeah, I know…" Makoto chuckled, scratching his cheek with his free hand. "I just don't want to make her look bad." Haru stopped walking and stood on his tip-toes, reaching up to flick Makoto in the forehead. "Owwie!"

"You're going to get wrinkles from worrying too much. There's nothing to worry about. You're a great guy. They'll like you, dumbass." _I like you plenty._

"Haru…" A shock of electricity ran through him and curled his toes, making him bite his cheek. He thought he had gotten used to this feeling, but every time Makoto said his name like that, with care and adoration, he couldn't help but feel a bit loss for breath.

"W-well, unless they care about punctuality." Haru held his hand out expectantly. "Give me your bag and get going already."

"I can't make you carry these by yourself!" Makoto held the bag to himself like it was something precious.

Its two blocks, Makoto. I think I can handle it. Or are you forgetting that I usually go here for groceries?" This seemed to soften the idea a little, but Makoto still handed them over grudgingly.

"I should be over around six, then."

"Okay. Have a good time. Don't forget your 'best of both words' cake." Haru reached into the bag and managed to somehow get it into his hands despite both of his being full.

"Oh, right. Bye-bye, Haru! Sorry for making you carry it all." He offered a sweet smile to go with his apology.

"It's nothing. Bye, Makoto." Haru watched him backtrack the other way and turn a corner before continuing on his journey to home. Had he been able to get over Makoto smiling like that? Not in the least. A small smile crept over his lips. With nobody familiar around him, he allowed it to stay.

It had been three weeks now since he had realized that he was in love with Makoto. He had gotten used to the idea in theory quite quickly. But in practice, well, at least he was getting better. Most of the time it felt like Makoto was the wrecking ball and he was the wall getting crashed into over and over again. Haru had at least learned not to think about it too much. At least, not when he was with Makoto in person. The hardest part was Hiromi.

When it came to her, he struggled. Being around the two of them was a lot harder now that he knew than before. He had watched enough kisses and touches and whispered secrets now to last him lifetimes. It was beginning to take its toll. Now even just being around her was enough to fill his stomach with dread and apprehension. He didn't want to see it anymore. He wanted it to stop. He wanted Hiromi to just _not exist._ Of course, he knew that this desire of his was just the jealousy talking. He had to share Makoto. Haru knew this. But again, theory was a lot harder than in practice. It was also a lot less painful too.

Arriving at his house, Haru was greeted by his neighbor Lulu, a spunky 27-year-old lady with an orange pixiecut and tattoo all along her arm. Though a bit unpredictable for him, she was probably the only neighbor in his apartment complex that he liked. Not only was she a professional artist, she had two cats. He had been over several times to both learn some of her techniques and to play with the furry felines. In return, he had made her food. It was a mutual give-and-take relationship, really.

"Oh, Haruka! Hows it goin'? Where's your tall friend?" She currently was leaning against the railing, waiting for something to dry.

"He had to be somewhere." Haru replied to her, setting one of the bags down to grab his keys. Lulu eyed the bags up.

"Ah… What's with all the food? Got a date coming over?" she winked at him.

"No. Makoto is coming over to study. I said I'd make dinner."

"Saying you're studying doesn't make it less of a date, Harukaaaaa~" Lulu smiled, singing his name.

"It's more of a date than you've ever had."

"Hah! So you admit it!"

"No. I just mean your dating life sucks."

"Like your boyfriend."

"For the last time, Makoto has a girlfriend." Haru rolled his eyes at her, kicking his door open.

"Yeah you!"

"I hate you."

"I believe the word you're looking for is 'love'."

"Go home to your cats."

"Sourpuss."

"…"

"Are you still coming over Tuesday?"

"Yes." Haru slammed his door shut. Okay, so their relationship was a bit weird. Haru did actually like her though. Lulu had been kind enough to help him around Tokyo when he was still new to the area, and could even offer some deep conversation now and then. She sort of felt like an older sister. Annoying, but tolerable. Also cats.

Lulu did, however, seem hell-bent on believing him and Makoto were currently in a relationship. Even before Haru realized his feelings, she had been so sure they were dating. Not even Haru's assurance could deter her. Now, with him actually being in love with him, it just got that much more annoying. He had half a mind to introduce her to Hiromi just to spite her. Of course, that meant proving that Makoto really wasn't his boyfriend, and he didn't really want to do that either.

Haru sighed, kicking off his shoes before making his way to the kitchen to put away the groceries. If he would have told his high school self he would be having troubles in his love-life, he would have scoffed before diving into the pool. Now look at him. In love with his best friend and nowhere to go. Haru slid the rice into the cupboard.

He was just finishing up when his phone blared from the counter. Haru knew who it was right away because when it went off, the theme of Jaws started to play.

"Hey Rin." Haru said into the receiver, shutting the fridge door.

"Haru, go on Skype!"

"What? Why?" He raised an eyebrow, taking quick notice of the excited tone in the red-heads voice.

"Don't ask questions, just go on! I have something exciting to tell you!"

"No way! We're already on the phone. Just tell me now." Rin sounded positively offended that Haru would even suggest such a thing.

"No! Just freaking—ugh go on Skype, okay? I want to be able to see your face!"

"You're being stupid. I don't get why you can't ju-"

"Fucking GO ON SYKPE HARU!"

Oh my god, Rin, okay chill." Grumbling all the way, Haru made his way to his laptop and pulled open the screen.

"Was that so hard?" Haru felt his eye twitch.

"I'm shutting the screen now."

"No GODDAMIT HARU! I'm not asking for the world here!"

"I'd beg to differ." Haru shrugged, watching the little loading circle dance on his screen.

"Just- just go on skype." Rin's voice came in muffled then and Haru was sure he was rubbing his face in frustration. Well, that made two of them.

"Alright, I'm on. Oh wait, shit, I need to update." Haru could practically see the steam coming out of Rin's ears.

"Are you freaking kidding me!?"

"It was a joke Rin. I was trying to be funny."

"I hate you so much right now."

"I for one thought I was hilarious."

"The day you're funny will be the day pigs fly."

"Better start flying." There was a silence, then:

"Goddamn Haru! Who's been messing with your swimsuit?"

"It's been a rough couple of weeks." Haru answered honestly. "Now are you going to video chat me or not because either way I'm hanging up."

"Oh right!" seconds later a green calling circle appeared on the screen, followed by ringing. Haru hung up his cell phone just as the lines connected and Rin's face came into view. "Hey Haru." He grinned, waving at the camera.

"So what's so important that you _must_ see my face?"

"Alright, so do you remember when you came with me to Australia and the Olympic team was there swimming?" It was rather hard for him to forget the place where he had discovered his dream, but he decided to humor Rin and nodded along. That guy who had the curly blonde hair? Yeah I raced him. Guess what else? I _won."_ Rin flashed his shark teeth in triumph. "It was so cool!" Haru's eyes widened.

"Seriously?" his ears peaked a little in interest. He could still remember the head of the blood rushing through his veins, the shake of his hands from the nerves, the _excitement,_ just from standing on the platform beside them.

"You bet your ass I did! I mean, it was only by like a second but hey, every moment counts. When we finished he even congratulated me! I may never wash my hand again…" Rin looked at it like it was his most prized possession.

"Nice. Still can't beat me though." Haru grinned, knowing he sounded way cockier than he should. On a normal basis, the two of them were pretty evenly matched. Jokes on Rin though the water still liked him better.

"Heh, we'll see about that. Next time we race I'll be leaving you in the dust."

"As if!" Haru could already feel the fire in his eyes. He was itching to go swim now.

"Anyways, that's my news." Rin smiled, laying his chin in his hand. "What about you? You mentioned earlier it's been rough." Haru found himself biting his lip, avoiding his eyes.

"It's nothing." Rin, obviously, didn't buy it.

"Does this have anything to do with Makoto getting a girlfriend?" Haru widened his eyes in surprise.

"How did you know that?"

"Because unlike _you,_ Makoto calls me up once and a while." Haru noticed the bitterness in his voice and quickly made a mental note to call Rin more often. "Is that really what's been bothering you?"

"No." Haru replied quickly. A bit too quickly.

"Haru." Rin said seriously.

"No Rin, really. It's nothing. Sorry I mentioned anything."

"You're good at a lot of things, Haru, but lying really isn't one of them." Rin pulled his hair back with his fingers, holding it like a ponytail, before letting it go to reframe around his face. "So what's up? Is she a bitch or something?"

"No." Haru sighed heavily. "Not really. She treats him well."

"Then what?" Haru fidgeted with his fingers, his stomach in knots. He forgot how much Rin liked to pry. He was regretting more and more with each breath he took.

"Don't worry about it Rin."

"Well of course I'm going to worry about it!" he gestured at the screen angrily. "Look at you. The moment I mentioned Makoto's girlfriend you all but curled up into a ball. What happened? Are they spending too much time together without you or something? Get canceled on? Does she not like to swim?" Haru narrowed his eyes.

"That isn't it." Rin slapped his face to his hand.

"Have I ever told you that sometimes it's easier to talk to a brick wall than you?"

"Yes."

"Good." Haru couldn't help but make a small smile, which Rin joined in with his own. "So are you going to tell me what's wrong or not?"

"Probably not."

"It's not healthy to keep things bottled up, ya know."

"Thanks mom." Haru rolled his eyes, all the while still appreciating Rin's concern.

"Hey, I mean it. If this Hir-whatever is bothering you, I'm sure Makoto would like to know too."

"Don't you dare bother him with it, Rin. It's not something he can fix, anyways."

"Haru, are you jealous?" Though Haru did expect the question to more or less come up, he didn't expect his body to flinch at the question. It was a dead giveaway and Rin noticed right away. "I thought you said he wasn't ditching you."

"He's not." Haru insisted. Rin raised an eyebrow. "No really, Rin. He's even coming over tonight to study. Big exam or whatever. Besides, it's his life. I don't need to be part of every single second. I really don't care that he's spending time with her."

"Then I don't get it!" Rin leaned back in his chair, looking positively flustered. "What the fuck is the problem?"

"I told you. Don't worry about it." Looking at the webcam, Rin narrowed his eyes, more than likely hunting for the answers Haru refused to give. Haru stared him down, pressing his palms tightly together under the table in attempt to calm himself. He willed Rin to let it go, to let his curiosity evaporate into nothing. Stay out of his business, just this once. _Please._ Rin reached for something in front of him.

"I'm calling Makoto."

"What? No!" Haru suddenly found himself on his feet, chair teetering before finally resting back in its spot. "Rin you can't!" His legs felt like jelly and his hands shook no matter how firmly he pressed them against the desk's surface. Shit, he was not ready for this. If Rin called Makoto, he'd lose. He'd have to tell, have to confess. Because the moment Makoto would learn that something was wrong, he would never let it go. And then where would their friendship go? Fuck, he was so not ready for this! He wasn't ready to think about all the complications and consequences the truth would bring. There was so many unknowns and unsures, all with questions that he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer to. Silence was always better, always safer. Why did Rin always have to shove him right into chaos?

"And why the hell can't I?" Rin was looking at him like he had gathered enough evidence to be actually concerned. "This obviously concerns him and he should know whatever is bothering you!"

"Because I don't want him to freaking know, okay?" Haru took a sharp breath in, anxiously running his hand through his hair.

"Why can't you tell me, then!?"

"I just…. Can't." Because telling someone else made things a lot more terrifying and real. It was so much safer when everything- his emotions, his fantasies, his truths- were kept inside. He was afraid that if he opened the lid, it could no longer be contained. The leak would spread and spread until he suffocated in it and then Makoto would be gone, lost forever in the smoke that Haru had created.

"Then I'm calling Makoto!"

"Rin _please."_ Haru begged, his eyes bright. "All calling will do is worry him and I _can't_ do it, I just can't tell him, okay? Telling him will ruin everything." Rin's gaze softened towards him and the red-head set the phone aside.

"He's your best friend, Haru. I'm sure you can tell him anything."

"Not this Rin." Haru buried his face in his hands. "I just can't."

"You're really starting to worry me, Haru…" Rin leaned forward into his camera, his face serious. "Did she get you involved in something illegal?" the accusation surprised Haru so much that he looked up.

"What the? No!"

"If you're honest with me we can work it out together." Well, at least he knew he could always count on Rin to bail him out of jail.

I didn't fucking break the law, Rin."

"Shesh, it was just a question. What about just her then. Did you somehow find out that she is a secret hooker?"

"No."

"I know! She's a secret thief looking for her next sugar daddy." Where did Rin even get some of his ideas? Jesus he sounded like Nagisa.

" _No_." Rin paused for a moment.

"Haru. Did you sleep with her?"

"God _no!_ " Haru shouted angrily.

"Then what is it!? I'm getting sick of tiptoeing around the topic! We've been friends for years, Haru! Open up to me for once, goddammit! Am I really that untrustworthy? What have I done for you not to believe I can keep a secret? I'm not going to call him up the moment we stop talking and tell him. I'm not that kind of guy! I wouldn't betray your trust like that! If you really think that all our friendship amounts to is a couple laps in the pool then you really need to sort out your pri-"

"I like him, okay!?" Haru couldn't listen to Rin any longer, not when Rin was starting to take things personally. "…I like him." Rin stopped with his mouth partially open, looking at Haru as if he had just turned into a fish right before his eyes.

"When you say like…" Rin started, his eyes wide with what? Shock? Wonder? Anticipation? Disgust?

"I'm in love with him, Rin." It was the first time he had said it to somebody besides himself and it left him with a sort of light-headed feeling. "I'm… in love with Makoto."

"For real?" Rin covered his mouth, leaning back to stare at the ceiling before looking back at Haru. "You're not joking with me, right Haru? This isn't some red herring or whatever to distract me from the truth?" Haru shook his head.

Rin's response was to burst into laughter, leaning into his palm for support while Haru was left blinking at him. It was by far not what he had expected and it left him feeling uneasy. Confusion? Yes. Discomfort? Probably. Disbelieving? He hadn't even believed it at first. But laughter? It made him feel like he had just made the biggest mistake in his life.

"Of all the things, this wasn't what I expected." Rin admitted as his laughter died down, rubbing his nose. "But I wouldn't say I'm that surprised."

"… What do you mean?" he asked, confused at the comment.

"Call it… a hunch." When Haru remained silent, he added, "Look, you and Makoto are… closer than most people. It's not that much of a stretch to believe it, to be honest. He's the only one your eyes light up for besides water and mackerel. Yes, I have noticed." Haru felt his cheeks burn hot.

"Oh." After shifting his eyes to the bottom left-hand side of the screen, Haru found courage to look Rin back in the eyes. "You're not… weirded out?" Rin snorted.

"About what? You being gay for your best friend? Last time I checked, I've been there, done that." Haru couldn't help but lose a small smile at that.

"I suppose you're right." Little by little, Haru could feel the stress of the conversation melt away. He no longer felt like his entire world was going to be destroyed. Instead, it almost felt… good to have told Rin. Like a weight that had only rested firmly on his shoulders had been distributed so that Rin held some of it now too.

"So how did it happen? When did you realize you felt this way?"

"I got kissed by a girl." If Rin would have been drinking something, Haru was sure that he would have sprayed the liquid all over his screen. Instead, he ended up sputtering.

"You _what?"_

"It's a long story." Haru shrugged. "I don't really feel like talking about it. All that really matters is that when she kissed me… I hated it. It felt so wrong, Rin. Like I was swimming in quicksand instead of water. It wasn't what I wanted. So… I thought of what I did want. All I could think of was Makoto. And then I kinda just figured it out from there."

"How long ago was that?"

"Around three weeks ago." Rin whistled.

"Nearly a month, huh?" Haru shook his head at that. No, that sounded wrong.

"I think I've been in love with Makoto for longer. He's… always been the most important person to me. It's just because of Hiromi that I've realized what exactly this feeling is." He smirked a little. "I never knew until she came into the picture that you could hate somebody so much just for existing."

"Somehow I always pictured you as the jealous type." Rin grinned. "You get strangely possessive over your things. I guess Makoto is no exception."

"You really are an ass, Rin."

"And you're in love~" Covering his mouth and looking away, Haru did his best to hide the expression on his face as his eyes brightened from Rin's words. God he still couldn't figure out if telling Rin was the best or worse decision of his life.

"…shut up." He mumbled. "Don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I got it. Mums the word!"

"I mean it Rin. Not even Sousuke." Haru narrowed his eyes to show he meant business. "If you tell anyone I'm never talking to you again. You can forget swimming at the Olympics together."

"Jeeze, alright already! Have some faith, man. I can hold my tongue long enough for you to tell him, at least." Haru found himself focusing on the keyboard in front of him in a very loud silence. "You… are planning on telling him, right?"

"Not really." His voice felt very small compared to Rin's boisterous one.

"Jesus Christ, Haru! You can't keep this a secret forever."

"I can try." Rin stared at him with disbelief. "I'm not going to confess to him, Rin."

"I don't believe this. So what, you're going to live in a one-sided love forever?"

"That's the plan." Haru hugged himself tightly, feeling a chill up his body.

"You have to tell him, Haru." Rin continued to press. "He would want to know…"

"Maybe. But no good would come out of it."

"That's bullshit! You never know if you don't try."

"No, Rin. I can't…" He felt as if he had said it a million times now. Why couldn't Rin accept that it was impossible, just as he already had? "It would be a disaster."

"Says who? What I don't get is why you're making Makoto look like an unaccepting ass! All you've done so far is put words in his mouth about something he doesn't even know about. You don't even know his feelings on the matter-"

"And what would you know about it, Rin!?" Haru spat, getting angry now. When Rin knew nothing of what he felt, understood nothing of the situation… "I just- I can't tell Makoto about this…! Stop pretending you understand-"

"I obviously understand more than you!"

"No you don't!" Haru felt tears stinging in his eyes now, hot and angry and painful. "He's with someone, Rin! He's happy and in love with someone else! I can't just go and confess to him! It won't work out and then nothing will be the same between us. I don't want things to change, dammit, I want to keep staying by his side! If that means things will suck for me, then so be it! I don't want to lose him, Rin. I love him. I love him so damn much I can't stand it..."

"Haru…" the look on Rin's face did nothing but worsen how he felt.

"I'm going to go take a bath…" Haru murmured, grabbing the top of the screen. "Thanks for telling me about your news. I'm proud of you." He didn't even wait for a goodbye before he closed his laptop.

XxXxXxXx

To his displeasure, the soak in the tub didn't do much to fix how crappy he felt. It pruned his toes, warmed up his insides, but no matter how long he sat there he couldn't shake the constriction surrounding his throat. It was as if he had swallowed lead and couldn't quite get it down. That didn't stop him from trying, of course. He sat in the bath until it was nearing 5 and would soon be too late to finish his and Makoto's meal on time. By then the hot water he had chosen to soak in had turned lukewarm, almost cold. Haru drained it in sorrow, despite finding the air a bit more comfortable.

With a towel loosely around his hips, Haru changed into something comfortable before making his way to the kitchen to prepare dinner. On the way he glanced at his phone and found two calls and three missed messages waiting for him. All of them were from Rin.

 _Come on Haru, call me back!_ Along with the two missed calls, the first message was dated around the same time Haru had hung up on him. The next message was sent about ten minutes later.

 _Look, I'm sorry Haru. I guess I really don't understand. But I want to. Call me back, okay?_ The last message had sent around an hour ago.

 _I just want you to be happy._ Haru sighed heavily, distracting himself momentarily by turning the burner on before looking back at the message. Rin's sentiment on the situation warmed him up a bit on the inside, made the block in his throat feel a bit more manageable. It was nice to know that he had support from someone. It was more than he had expected.

 _Don't worry about it._ Was the reply he sent back, pulling out his apron as he did so. And then, with another thought, he sent a second message. _Thanks, Rin._ Because really, he was thankful. Thankful that Rin had accepted his feelings without a second thought. Thankful that he was willing to listen, to _help._ It made him feel like he no longer was in the corner all by himself [2]. While he still wasn't so sure about having another person know about his feelings, he was more than grateful to have such an amazing friend at his side.

Makoto texted him about 10 minutes till 6, letting him know he'd be there shortly. This put Haru in a slightly better mood, as the thought of Makoto generally did. He wouldn't let his own personal feelings get in the way of their precious time together. Putting the curry to a low simmer, just enough to keep it warm, he stood on the tips of his toes to reach for plates. Honestly, he really had to stop letting Makoto put the dishes away when he came over. His arms could only reach so far.

When he finally _did_ manage to get them down, he placed one at each end of the table, next pouring a glass of milk for Makoto and water for himself. Haru was just giving the rice another stir when the doorbell rang. His heart fluttered a bit out of reflex.

After double-tapping the spoon on the side of the pot, Haru wiped his hands on the front of his apron and quickly walked through the apartment to answer the door. On the other side he was greeted with the face of Makoto, expression as bright and soft as ever.

"Hey, Haru." Something was wrong. Haru had nothing to go off, no basis or reason that could be proven, but even so he could tell that something about Makoto was off. He was smiling a bit too wide. Those green eyes were a bit too bright. And the air around him. It felt way too heavy compared to what Haru was used to.

"Hey." Haru stepped aside, letting Makoto into his home. He watched him carefully, trying not to look too obvious. "The curry is pretty much ready."

"Yum!" Maybe he was overthinking it. Perhaps the conversation with Rin earlier had messed with his senses. Makoto looked fine now, putting his shoes beside the door and humming as he went to take a sneak peek of the coming meal. "Oh, Haru, it smells so good!"

"What are you, a kid?" Haru smirked as Makoto began bouncing on the balls of his feet. Yes, it had to have been his imagination. Makoto was fine. "Sit down and I'll serve it to you." Doing as Haru asked, Makoto sat down while he messed with a couple of knobs, did some last minute stirring, and pulled off his apron to set on the counter. Makoto licked his lips from the side.

"It's hot." Haru warned, scooping some rice onto his plate. It was followed closely by the green curry sauce. "So don't just go scarfing it into your mouth like some wild animal."

"I promise to behave like a perfect gentleman." Makoto smiled, raising his right hand. "Scouts honor."

"Hmph. Well, just in case, here's some napkins." Haru dropped a large stack of them in the center of the table. As he reached over to serve himself, he couldn't help but watch Makoto scoop up his first bite. The moan that followed was enough to make Haru's cheeks burn pink.

"Delicious!" the brunette praised, already scooping up another spoonful. "It tastes amazing, Haru!" Haru set the pan back on the stove and took his seat across from Makoto, refusing now to look at him.

"It's just green curry." Makoto didn't seem to think so though, not the way he was packing it away. He was slurping it up almost like soup. Haru made a mental note to pack up the leftovers for him to take home.

Comparatively Haru ate slower, nibbling at his curry. It was silent at first, and Haru didn't mind it much. Comfortable silences were something the two of them were used to. But after a while of just looking at his food- and sometimes Makoto- Haru decided he might as well start up some kind of conversation.

"So, how was Hiromi's?" and just like that, everything dropped. Haru could feel the tension in the room increase from nothing to static, all of it surrounding Makoto. He bit his lip, squirmed in his seat, and worst of all avoided Haru's eyes entirely. Haru couldn't even find a speck of green glancing in his direction. Instead it all seemed to focus on the half-eaten plate in front of him.

"It went fine!" He chuckled then, and Haru lost his appetite. Makoto was lying to him. It was obvious, plain as day. He didn't even need the words to tell. Not when he could read Makoto just as well as the brunette could read him. "Her friends were really nice."

"And the cake?"

"Eaten with no casualties." He smiled at Haru, but Haru could tell it was forced. It was as if he was putting on an act, pretending that everything was okay. Something had happened. Haru was sure of it. But what? His immediate thought was Rin, and his heart pounded in response. Rin hadn't… told Makoto, had he?

Haru watched Makoto take a hesitating bite as anxiety filled his system. The way Makoto was behaving, it definitely made sense. Awkward, a bit off, and hiding something. It wasn't that much out of character for Rin to jump right into things. But he had to have taken Haru's feelings into account before doing something so rash, wouldn't he?

Now his stomach felt like mush. Where part of him believed that Rin wouldn't do that to him, the other part assured him that that _had_ to be the reason Makoto was behaving so weird. What else could it be? He moved a piece of rice with his spoon. Haru felt like he was going to throw up.

"Makoto-"

"Haru, sorry, I have to go to the bathroom." Blinking, Haru could do nothing but watch as Makoto stood up and quickly left the table. You're kidding. Haru set his spoon down and pressed the back of his thumb to his mouth, thinking hard. _Does he know does he know does he know_

Sitting soon became too much and Haru was on his feet, dumping the remaining food into the trash and setting it in the sink. Maybe he was just jumping to conclusions. Maybe Makoto didn't know. Maybe whatever it was had nothing to do with him at all. After all, it wasn't until he mentioned Hiromi that Makoto really started acting weird. Maybe she did something…

Haru dropped the dish irritably. Why was his entire world made of maybes lately? He was sick of them! They were heavy, unbearably crushing. Everything would be easier if he just _knew_ and didn't have to guess. He wouldn't have to be trying to avoid invisible pitfalls.

"Haru, I heard a crash, is everything okay?" Makoto was back now, peering over at him curiously. He looked a bit more composed now, like he hadn't just had to run off to the bathroom. "Finished eating already?"

"Yeah, sorry, I just… dropped a dish."

"You didn't cut yourself, did you?"

"No. It didn't crack." Probably a good thing, too. The plates were his grandmothers, after all.

"Okay." Makoto walked over and grabbed his plate, about a ¼ of curry left on it. "I think I'm finished too." Haru looked at him in surprise.

"Are you sure? You can keep eating, if you'd like." Makoto shook his head.

"I'm not really hungry anymore." Eyeing Makoto up suspiciously, Haru took the plate from him.

"I'll wrap the leftovers up for you to take home, then."

"Thanks Haru." Ah, there was a genuine Makoto smile now. It made him feel a bit better, knowing that whatever was wrong, Makoto could still give him one. He started running the water. "Do you want help with the dishes?"

"No, it's fine." Haru shook his head. "I'm just going to let these soak."

"Alright, then I'll go set up in the living room. You said you needed my English notes, right?" Haru couldn't help but make a face in disgust.

"Yeah." Even if they were going to different schools, the language was the same. Besides, he needed all the help he could get. Why couldn't everyone just speak Japanese for god's sake? But because he was planning on competing all over the world one day, his couch required him to take it.

"I'll grab them, then." While Makoto left to prepare the living room for studying, Haru set to taking the leftover rice and curry off from the pans and poured them into their own separate containers. He set them in the fridge, then grabbing the glasses and spoons and putting them in the sink along with their plates. Not really feeling in the mood to scrub, Haru just left the pans on the stove.

"How many notes do you _have?"_ Haru made a distressed noise, walking into the living room and finding a rather large pile of notes waiting for him. Fuck, was he expected to read all of these? He'd much rather read a dictionary.

"Huh?" Makoto looked at him, previously having been glancing at his phone. "Oh, yeah. I take a lot of notes."

"No freaking kidding." Haru walked over after grabbing his backpack from beside the door. "It's going to take me hours to read those."

"The highlighted stuff is what's most important." Makoto said, trying to be helpful.

"Makoto. It's _all_ highlighted." Rolling his eyes, Haru took a seat across from his over-achieving best friend. "I hate this stupid language. Do they really need to have so many words that contradict each other?"

"Just work on memorizing." Makoto, the poor soul, was leaning over a math textbook as big as his head and as wide as his hand. "It'll get easier. Maybe do some practice sessions with Rin." Haru's heart skipped a beat.

"Hey… Makoto, speaking of Rin. Have you… talked to him lately?" Makoto looked up from his book, his eyebrows creasing in thought.

"Maybe a week ago? Why? Did something happen?" Haru felt his shoulders relax.

"No. He just called me today with some news. I was wondering if he told you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He said he won a race against an Olympic swimmer the other day."

"Really? That's great! I'll have to give him a call…" Makoto seemed to pin it at the back of his mind for later. "Wow, he must have been really happy."

"He was." Haru fiddled with a corner of Makoto's notebook. So Makoto didn't know. Whatever was wrong, he really had nothing to do it. Ease filled him, and Haru found it much easier to focus on the notes in his lap. Haru wasn't going to force Makoto to talk to him about what was bugging him, not if he didn't want to talk about it. It was sort of a mutual understanding the two of them had created over the years. They always meant for each other to be an oasis, a sanctuary to get away from the stress of everyone else. It was a secret promise only between them. They would always be each other's peace. With this in mind, Haru began working on the notes in front of him.

"Hey, Makoto, what does this English word mea-" but Haru stopped in his tracks as he looked up, his question no longer feeling important as he watched Makoto rapidly wipe at his eyes. He couldn't miss the tears starting to slide down Makoto's face.

"S-sorry…!" Makoto wipes became aggressive with the realization that he had been caught. "Haru, I'm sorry."

"Makoto what's wrong?" Haru pushed his books aside and crawled closer, kneeling beside him with uneasiness. He had known something was wrong, but hadn't realized it was to this caliber. Why? Why was Makoto crying? If there was anything he couldn't take, it was this. Nothing could be a greater sin. Makoto was always meant to be smiling and happy and bright. Nobody was allowed to make Makoto cry.

"I didn't want to do this to you…" Makoto was sniffing now, and he lost all effort in wiping his face. Instead he clutched his knees, hands trembling. Haru stared at them and struggled to swallow. "It's not your problem… but Haru, I don't know what to do!"

At the sound of anguish in Makoto's voice, Haru reached out and clutched the others forearm with a sudden need to touch. He held it tightly, hoping that some kind of warmth would spread to Makoto and give him comfort, let him know that he didn't need to worry, that Haru was right there with him…

"What happened?" He hoped that his voice sounded strong despite how his insides were trembling.

"I hurt Hiromi-chan." Makoto's voice shook as he used his palm to wipe at one of his eyes. "I hurt her really bad!"

"What do you mean, hurt her?" Haru placed his other hand on Makoto's wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze. When Makoto didn't reply, Haru spoke again, much more softly. "It'll be okay, Makoto. I'm here for you. Go on." He hooked his fingers through Makoto's. "I'm listening."

Makoto sniffed and shifted, fingers tightly curling around Haru's immediately.

"Haru, I'm so horrible…" Makoto whispered. "I've been so unfair. Hiromi-chan… Hiromi-chan said she loved me."

"She… did?"

"But I messed up!" Makoto's lip trembled. "I couldn't say it back. She looked at me, waiting, and I couldn't say it! I feel awful! And now she won't even reply to me." Fresh tears started making their way down Makoto's cheeks as he fidgeted with something on the other side of him. Haru recognized it as Makoto's phone. Had he been texting her all this time? He had noticed Makoto on his phone once or twice, but hadn't thought anything of it. "I don't know what to do, Haru… I don't know how to make this better…!" A choked sob escaped between Makoto's lips and it made his body go cold.

"Makoto…" In a swift motion Haru was releasing Makoto's hands and straddling his lap, sliding his palms along wet cheeks. Makoto looked so lost, so sad… He would have done anything in that moment to make such a precious face become happy again. With a careful touch he weaved his fingers into Makoto's hair and pulled him close, burying his best friend's face into his chest. "It'll be okay." Hot arms wrapped around Haru's waist, tightly holding on.

Pressed against him like this, Haru could feel Makoto shaking. His body, usually so naturally strong and stable, felt as if it was going to crumble into a million pieces.

"I wanted to say it," Makoto continued, voice muffled against him. "It's just three simple words! But I couldn't- couldn't do it!" _Why couldn't you?_ Haru wanted to know, wanted to ask. He had always assumed that they had already gotten passed this stage. Makoto was always loving things- cats, swimming, chocolate- so why was it this hard for him? Were he and Hiromi not as close as he thought?

"I didn't think this could hurt so much...!"Haru pet back the fluff of Makoto's hair with a shushing noise. _I love you Makoto. I love you, please stop crying._

"I'm sure," Haru swallowed, hating what he was saying, hating the way it tore him up inside. But he wanted to make Makoto feel better. He _had_ to. "You and Hiromi will work things out. You care about her, don't you?"

"Yeah." Makoto's fingertips dug into his back, his voice shaking. "I-I do."

"Then make sure she knows that." Haru could feel himself dying, piece by piece. He hoped Rin could understand now.

"I'm so sorry, Haru…" Makoto whispered again, his voice sounding _broken._ Haru didn't understand what he was apologizing for.

"Makot-" the both of them jumped as Makoto's phone suddenly vibrated on the carpet next to them, completely breaking Haru's train of thought. Makoto pulled away slightly, eyes red and wet, as he reached for it. Haru leaned his forehead against Makoto's as **Hiromi** stared back up at them.

 _We need to talk, face-to-face._

Makoto exhaled with closed eyes, leaning against Haru for support.

"I should go." To his obvious words, Haru said nothing, didn't even move. He wished Makoto wouldn't go, wouldn't leave him. But he knew Makoto would. And Haru had no reason to stop him. He wished he did. "Thank you, Haru." Makoto reached up, pushed some of Haru's hair back, and kissed him on the edge of his forehead. "I appreciate you so much."

Haru held back his own sob now as Makoto grabbed him by the hips, sliding him off his lap onto the floor. Makoto wiped his eyes twice more. Haru curled his knees in. He hugged them close.

"I'm sorry we couldn't study." Makoto grabbed his bag, stuffing things inside. "But I'll leave my notes for you, okay?" Haru simply nodded.

The last thing Makoto grabbed was his phone, reading the message one more time before going to his shoes.

"I'll call you." And Makoto was gone, papers still scattered on the floor. He hadn't even grabbed his curry.

Haru hid his face in the couch.


	8. Chapter 8

8.

The train smelled like old newspaper. The child across the way was screaming bloody murder. His ass had a cramp.

Haru was not happy. Makoto knew this too.

"Look, Haru-chan, it's a lake!" Makoto pointed out through the glassed window. "Doesn't the water look pretty?"

"Hm." Ignoring the use of –chan, Haru leaned on his arm and made a point to look in the exact opposite direction.

"Come on, Haruka-Kun," Hiromi playfully gave him a shove at the shoulders. "There's no use pouting now. You're already here with us, might as well enjoy the view!" If looks could kill, Hiromi would have been dead in an instant. Well, that certainly would solve things.

"I'm fine, thanks." And why exactly was he here with the two of them in the first place? Because Hiromi wanted to go get a one-of-a-kind figurine from some thrift-store out on the outskirts of Tokyo and wanted Makoto to come with, who in turn wanted Haru to come. His strict reasoning, was, of course, that the store she wanted to go to looked haunted. And because he was a boy in love, so whipped that he didn't even need to see Makoto in _person_ to be persuaded, he agreed.

So here he was, sitting on a train for three hours with the love of his life and his girlfriend, going to some sketchy store in a town none of them had ever visited before. Yes, best freaking Sunday ever. Even if it was his only day off from practice, a day set aside specifically so he could _rest…_ Ugh! Dammit he was irritated _!_ He needed a swim. The lake Makoto had pointed out looked pretty tempting right about now.

"That's no way to talk, Mr. Grumpy gills!" Hiromi, apparently, was hell-bent on making Haru have a good time. Well, good luck with that. "Think of this as some sort of an adventure!"

"Yeah!" Makoto nodded along. "Like when we were six and Mom hid that buried treasure for us to find in the backyard. Except this time it's hidden in a, uh, castle. ...And we have to pay for it."

"Oh yeah?" Haru looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. "Then where is your newspaper hat and cowboy boots? A good explorer doesn't leave home without them."

"You wore _what?"_ Embarrassment flushed Makoto's face and Haru couldn't help but smile despite his best efforts. Six-year-old Makoto wearing a hat colored (badly) with green crayon and shiny brown cowboy boots a bit too big for him- it was definitely a picture to remember. Good thing the Tachibana's had copies.

"We were _little_ , Haru! Besides, you wore the hat too! But Mom made yours too big so it kept falling over your eyes." Makoto chuckled. "That was back when you were still taller than me."

"Wait, hold on a minute." Hiromi looked like she had just struck gold. "You were taller than Mako-kun?" Haru narrowed daggers at her as she started to laugh. It was around nine years ago but he was still bitter about losing out to Makoto. "I can't even picture this! I always just assumed you were a giant, babe."

"Well Haru is a couple months older, so he was bigger for a while. But then we hit middle school and I shot up there while Haru just kinda…" Makoto made a so-so motion with his hand.

"Simmered? Dwindled? Never truly grew a pair?" Hiromi finished, trying to help. Makoto nodded solemnly.

"He didn't grow into our middle school uniform until the last year."[1]

"I fucking hate both of you." With a pout Haru retrained his gaze back to the window. For the record, those uniforms were _huge_. Only someone big like Makoto could make them look somewhat normal. Middle school was filled with him tripping over the hem of his pants and constantly shoving the sleeves up his arm. Thank god he grew up enough to fit into his high school uniform.

"Well I think you grew up very nice, Haruka-kun." Hiromi smiled. "Besides, anybody who stands next to this guy is bound to be thought of as short." She thumbed a direction towards Makoto. "I always feel like a little kid next to him."

"Yeah." Okay, this was something Haru could get on board with. "Or an ant." It's not that he didn't really like that Makoto was tall, though. Actually, he kind of liked it. When Makoto stood at his side it gave him a sense of reassurance and comfort that could only really come with someone being bigger than you. Need that lightbulb changed? Makoto had your back. Can't find him? No not Makoto he always had his head poking out in the crowd. What about the top shelf? Makoto could it down in a heartbeat. No more climbing on the counter for you. Not to mention that despite his appearance, Makoto was the biggest softy in the world.

It wasn't always all fun and sunshine, though. For one, Makoto's strides were like two of his and keeping up with him often involved Makoto slowing down, and for another, restraining him from doing something was about as easy as shoving a wall. But even so Haru still loved to share his clothes, loved having to stand on his tippy toes to reach for his nose or ears or whatever was in need of teasing. And by far his hugs were the best. He could nestle right under Makoto's chin and burry himself in the warmth of Makoto's arms. No, Haru would definitely not change Makoto's height for the world.

"Guysss…" With a whine-like noise Makoto slid down his seat while he covered his face with his fingers. Haru could see his ears burning red. "Is it really that bad?"

"Aww, we're just teasing." Hiromi reached over to run her fingers through his hair. "I love each inch of you, even the extra inches." Haru clenched his fists as Makoto gave a weak smile.

The situation with Hiromi wasn't fixed. Not really. When Makoto had called him the next morning after their failed study session, his voice was heavy and cracking as if he hadn't slept well. Hiromi and he had, apparently, spent much of the night talking. About what, Haru wasn't really sure. Makoto didn't really want to talk about the details. But he did know two things. The two of them were still together, and Hiromi was no longer going to pressure him into saying I love you until he was ready. When he would be ready, though, was the question. The simple thought of Makoto saying that to someone else made him miserable. Haru hoped in every selfish way that the moment for that never came.

"Ooo, I think I see it!" Hiromi broke the semi-uncomfortable silence she had created with her own voice, making a visor with her had to peer out the window. "Limited 2nd edition BooBoo bunny here I come!"

"We're going all this way for a _bunny?_ "

"Shut up, Haruka-kun, you collect swimming suits." And Haru couldn't even argue back because he had her there. But his situation _had_ to be different because at least he wore his suits. He was wearing one now. Yup, so not the same.

"We are now arriving at Tekichuu Village of Nagano prefecture." Haru wiggled his toes, itching to get off the seat and do something. Even if it was to get a collectable _bunny._

"My joints are so stiff!" Makoto stretched his arms above his head. "I'm never going to complain about commuting to your house again, Haru. Imagine if we were this far away." Like hell Haru could survive such a distance, but he just shrugged in response as the train slowed to a stop.

They all hopped up at about the same time, eager to get out of the claustrophobic walls and breathe in some fresh air. Makoto led the way, following an older lady and her husband and the lady who had finally managed to shush her son to sleep in her arms. Whereas Tokyo's stations were massive and filled with people, the station here was borderline empty. Minus the employees, there was, at most, ten people wondering around the area. The walls seemed to be some cheap brick, stone already chipped off, and the tiles of the floor were scuffed over with dirt, rust, and constant wear. What made the most impression was probably the lady sitting on a cooler smoking a cigarette. Obviously, this town was out in the boonies. Haru was a bit surprised they had a station out here.

The plaza outside the station was a bit better off in terms of quality. Upon entering the unfamiliar city, they were abruptly greeted with a large red and white sign that read 'Welcome to Tekichuu Village' with a painted basket of apples faded to its side.

Overall, in comparison to Tokyo, it was actually quite quaint. Little shops with handmade signs and decorated with flowers all smiled at them. It almost reminded him of Iwatobi with its rather simple architecture and smaller buildings, but a bit sparser.

"Which way is it?" Makoto asked with a glance towards Hiromi, watching as she pulled out her Iphone to navigate. They were all sort of dancing about, trying to stretch out their limbs from sitting for so long.

"Let's see…" she pushed some hair out of her face. "We're supposed to follow this main road a couple of blocks and then turn left at Jace Avenue."

"Sounds easy enough." Haru made a sour face in a different direction as the two met in the middle to hold hands. A lady holding a basket of apples looked at him funny. "Coming Haru?"

"Is there really anything else _to_ do?" Haru replied grumpily and Makoto had the _audacity_ to chuckle at him. And not in a normal way, either. It was in that very cute way of his where he covered his mouth with his knuckles to try and prevent a smile that already formed, all the while the corners of his eyes creasing in enjoyment. Stupid Makoto, being adorable and making his heart go all pitter-patter like that. It was completely uncalled for, especially since he was still mad at him.

"Fair enough." And in actuality, there really wasn't much to this town, made evident as they walked down what was supposed to be the highlight of the area. Even Iwatobi had a swimming club for its residents. All he noticed that was even remotely interesting here was a shabby looking bait shop and that was only because there was dancing lit up fish on the door next to the word open. Haru would have bet all his spending money that there was mackerel inside that shop. Of course, all he got to do was bet since Makoto said he couldn't go inside.

"If you get fish it'll just spoil on the way home!"

"Yeah, well you'll spoil!"

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

"Girls, girls. You're both pretty. Let's keep moving."

But, Haru supposed, the town did seem to thrive on one thing. Apples. Lots and lots of apples. He wished he was kidding, but really, he wasn't. Apples in baskets, apples in widows, crappily named apple themed stores, apple decorations, kids playing with apples, throwing apples, _eating_ apples, there even a giant freaking apple sitting in the middle of a fountain.

"Haru no."

"I didn't even _do_ anything." Not yet, anyways.

"I can tell." Makoto gestured to his head. "You don't even know how clean that water is."

"It's all rules with you." Didn't they understand he was a man with real needs here? Regardless, Makoto kept him in reach for as long as the fountain stayed in sight.

To be honest, Haru was surprised they all weren't dressed in apple costumes and praying to their overlord for a good harvest. Obviously this place only had one thing to live for and it was juicy, sweet, and coming to a store near you. How had he not noticed this when they first got off the train? There were so many signs. No really, those posters for Applefest actually meant something here.

"I'm starting to crave an apple, to be honest." Makoto squinted as some of the baskets for sale, probably contemplating going on over.

"I want to take a picture." Hiromi did.

"I understand why you guys didn't want to come by yourselves now. Obviously you need some protection from the apple dumpling gang in case they turn on you for not eating enough apples." Haru didn't mind the red fruit, but couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the merchandising from it. Did they _seriously_ have action figures? Iwatobi-chan was _much_ better.

They did end up taking Makoto's advice and stopped in a small café, called _A Slice of Life_ for something to eat _._ Inside, they were given a menu that did not disappoint based on the restaurant's name. Highlights included and were not limited to "Turn down for what?", an apple turnover glazed in icing, "leaf pile" a salad topped with you guessed it apples, dressing, and surprisingly bacon, and "Wrapped to the core", a chicken apple wrap with spinach and ranch. Each table was even set up with a basket of smoked-apple bread. Surprisingly, it was pretty good. After some serious contemplating about leaving an apple for a tip, they left with full stomachs.

Hiromi's directions led them up to Jace Avenue, which they then followed a couple more blocks. Thankfully, by then they were led into the more suburban part of town that had a bit more houses and a little less fruit. Flowers smiled at them, windows shined in the sunlight, and the air had a peaceful silence to it that Tokyo always lacked. It was actually quite nice.

The scenery changed drastically as they turned up another road and were greeted with a large hill. Though not incredibly steep, it was long and disappeared into a canopy of trees, winding up to some unknown destination. Around the road the trees were rapidly spreading, become dense and thick like a forest.

"Are you sure it's this way?" Makoto asked, looking a bit unsure. Haru was thinking along the same lines. This road seemed to take them away from the town, not towards something that could be considered a store.

"He said it was a little out of the way." Hiromi shrugged. "My phone says its right up this hill." And what a hill it was. More than difficult, it was tedious. The road wrapped around and waved like a snake, leading them in an S like shape that brought them into compact trees and onto sidewalk-less roads. Still, it wasn't completely unhabituated. On their walk roads branched off and Haru could see paneling from nearby houses through the gaps in trees. This was probably the more secluded part of town. More than likely included the people who didn't like to interact with others much.

"Ah, here it is!" Hiromi stopped in front of a wooden sign with a bounce, face beaming. Written in rather poor handwriting was _Eito's Collections,_ more than likely written by the man himself. In paint. On splintering wood. High class quality there. Underneath it sat a big white arrow, pointing off to a road to the side. This road only lasted for a couple of feet before it disintegrated into a field of grass in need of a trim.

"This is it?" Haru looked at the building with an eyebrow. Like the man's lawn, the building wasn't in that great of condition either. It was a flat-roofed one story with an overhang that covered a porch filled to the brim with odd commodities. Just with a glance Haru was able to pick out a spinning wheel and a stone statue of a naked angel on one knee, his arm raised up towards the sky. Who the hell wanted that on their doorstep? The shutters on the windows hung limp, broken flower pots laid off to one side, and a bird's nest was clearly visible in the crack under the roof. What made the place, however, was how the trees behind it loomed over and cast a huge shadow over what could have been filled with sunshine. Because of this, it was given an eerily presence that made it feel like an abandoned cabin in the woods. But hey, the sign said open with a smiley sticker next to it.

"Are you sure this is… safe?" Makoto, of course, was looking at this house with super scaredy-cat vision, and didn't see it truly for the dump it was. Probably was a bit too distracted by the dancing shadows that were created by the afternoon sun and trees or by the slightly ajar door up ahead. Haru supposed if he squinted he could see what that was all about. Sort of. To be fair, he didn't get scared by much. Apparently, neither did Hiromi.

"Of course, silly!" Hiromi assured, tugging him forward. Haru followed naturally. "We're not about to be trapped by a mass murder and stabbed to death."

"Hiromiii-channn-" Makoto dragged his feet. Of all the things she could have said it had to be that, didn't it? They had been dating for three months already, how had she not picked up that he was the biggest fraidy-cat when it came to creepy and the haunted? Size didn't matter when Nagisa announced a surprise Horror marathon and all Makoto had to hide behind was Haru himself. How the orca managed to squeeze behind like that, Haru would never know.

Hiromi stared at Makoto, looking perplexed, and Haru sighed. He guessed he had to handle the situation.

"If you don't want to come inside, then don't. Wait out here and I'll go with her." As suspected, Makoto didn't seem to like that option much either. The moment the two of them moved towards the entrance he was grabbing onto their forearms, trailing behind.

"Wait, I'll come, I'll come!"

"My poor baby, don't worry I'll protect you." Hiromi giggled, leading the way up to the door. It matched right along with the rest of the buildings aesthetic, white-washed red with wooden splinters for decoration. She knocked on the door thrice. "Hello? Eito-San?"

Forcing Makoto between them so he wouldn't run away, Haru followed Hiromi in and was greeted exactly how he expected. By dust, dim lighting, and a disarray of junk. The room was illuminated by a single light hanging from the ceiling over wooden tables stacked with a horders dream and his own personal nightmare. Clay things, wooden things, paper things, metal things, things in boxes, things framed on the walls, it was piles and piles of just random _things_. Could he at least organize them by category or _something?_ It bugged him, way more than he would have liked to admit.

"Eito-San?" Hiromi tried again, walking over to where a register sat. Behind that was doorframe covered by a curtain and she began peering at it like she could somehow see through it. "Eito-San!" Haru jumped at the volume of her voice, knocking over some miniature copper pots and pans. He bent down and picked them up, scowling at the floor.

"Maybe he isn't here?" Makoto suggested, itching at his cheek nervously. "We could come back another time…" Or never. That's definitely the expression Makoto was supporting right now. Haru watched as Makoto rolled a toy car back and forth with his fingers with a smile he kept entirely to himself.

"He said he would be…" Hiromi pouted, her cheeks puffed out. "The sign does say open."

"Maybe he is- YEEP!" Before Haru could even register what happened Makoto was on the floor with a cry, the tables bouncing from his sudden tumble.

"Makoto-"

"Something touched me!" Makoto interrupted, his eyes wide as he scanned the room around them. Nothing, at least to Haru's eyes, was moving. "It was hairy and fast and ran right into my leg!"

"Mako-kun, I think you're just imagining things. I don't see anything." Hiromi bent down, peering through the tables.

"I wish I was!" Makoto said miserably, pulling himself to his feet. "Maybe this place really is haunted!" Haru looked at Makoto skeptically.

"I highly doubt it, Makoto."

"Holy shit it's real!" Haru turned around at Hiromi's cry in time to see a mound of fluff flash through the legs of the tables into the far end corner of the room.

"That's not a ghost." Haru started weaving through the tables towards its direction. He had a pretty good indication of what it was now.

"Maybe it's a badger or fox or something…"

"Haru, don't touch it! It could have rabies!" Ignoring Makoto, Haru did just that, grabbing onto their so-called demon ghost and pulling it tightly against his chest.

"Wrong."

"Oh, it's a kitty!" Hiromi immediately cooed, weaving through the tables to meet Haru half way.

"With a collar. She's a housecat." A pretty one at that. Unlike the rest of the place she was groomed well, her dark gray hair fluffed and soft to the touch. A bit afraid of the new people around her, her green eyes peered at them cautiously.

"Oh…" the tension in his shoulders relaxed a bit and a smile grew across his face. "What a pretty one she is!" Makoto offered his hand in front of the cats face and after a moment, she grew enough courage to sniff it. Makoto took this as an indication that it was okay to pet her head and began scratching her on the side as Haru held her. "I can't believe I thought she was something scary."

"I think I need to have a word with Nagisa about having you watch so many scary movies." Haru gave the cat a good scratch underneath the ears and she nuzzled into his hand affectionately. Apparently caution was no longer needed when people were willing to pet you.

"Please do!"

"Kiki, are you causing trouble again?" They all turned from ogling the cat to the curtained door, where a short, plump man with a blonde mustache now stood. He grinned at the sight of his cat in Haru's arms, what remained of his teeth shining brightly. This guy had to be at least 50, if the large bald patch on top of his head was to go by. He wasn't completely hairless, though. Blonde hair poked from behind his ears and slid down into a ponytail behind his back. It wouldn't have been so bad, really, if the man hadn't tried to dress like a teenage boy. Plaid shirts with a vest? Rei would faint at the sight.

"Oh, she's fine." Hiromi smiled, walking over. Her face became visually relaxed with a narrow in her eyes. "Precious little thing."

"She's a beauty, all right. Knows it, too. Been raising her since she was a kitten." He paused for a moment, probably thinking back on old memories or whatever. Haru nuzzled her ear with his nose. "So what can I do you get for? Not very often I get young folk up here like yourselves."

"Oh, how silly of me. I haven't introduced myself." Hiromi offered her hand. "I'm Hiromi! We spoke via email the other day, Eito-San."

"Oh, that's right! The little girl who wanted the BooBoo bunny." Hiromi continued to smile but Haru was sure he saw her eyebrow twitch.

"Yup, that's me! Do you still have it?" Eito put his hands on his hips, leaning his head back as he pretended to think.

"Hmm… I believe I do. Let me just check." He walked around the counter and peered down to look at something that none of them could see. "Aha! Here she is." There was a bit of clinking of glass and something hit against another surfrace rather hard before Eito emerged before them again, this time holding a small figurine in his hands.

"Oh my gosh she's perfect!" Hiromi gave a small squeal as she bounced closer, looking like she was putting all her energy into not yanking it out of his hands.

"You bet! I treat all my merchandise with careful hands." Yeah okay. Eito set it down on the counter, and Haru couldn't help but bend his neck a bit to get a closer look. Two inches tall, standing on a little patch of grass, and pointing a little umbrella to the sky was the whole reason they were out here in the first place. A fluffy white bunny with big blue eyes and a yellow polka dot umbrella. Nice.

"She's even cuter in person." Hiromi was obviously ecstatic. "I can't wait to add her to the rest. How much do you want for her?"

"Hmm…" Eito scratched his chin. "I'm thinking about 25,000 yen here."

"What!?" Hiromi slammed her palms down on the table and both Haru and Makoto jumped. "In the email you told me around 15,000!"

"I realize that but this _is_ BooBoo bunny, you understand. And a limited addition. There are plenty of collectors out there itching to buy." There was a twinkle in his eyes.

"That's not what you agreed to."

"People change, and so does my mind." He shrugged.

"We sat on a train for three hours to get here! You can't just do that!"

"Oh what a shame. But hey, if you really don't want Booboo, then that's fine." He began to pull the figure off the counter. "Maybe next time, little girl, if you're willing to pay."

"Listen here, you jackass." Hiromi looked him dead in the eye, and Haru felt the room drop about 10 degrees. "I'm not leaving here without that bunny, and I'm not paying any more than the 15,000 you already agreed to." Eito laughed nervously.

"A price is the price. I'm afraid I can go no lower." He lifted his hands and shook his head as if to say his hands were tied.

Hmph. Well I guess…" Hiromi walked away the counter with a sigh, stopping in front of a large painting, framed in a glass-less wood, which had large chains sticking out of it. It was a rather beautiful painting, showing two women dancing around a lake in pastel water colors. It had a signature in the bottom right-hand corner. "What is this, Eito-San?"

"That? It's a classic water painting from Riko Honda. Very old, very cool. I even found it signed."

"How much is it?" Eito gave a chuckle.

"Look, little girl. If you're unable to give 25,000 for this, you certainly can't pay for that. It's chained up for a reason. I'll take no less than 120,000 yen."

"So it's worth a lot, huh?" Hiromi began digging in her purse, pulling something out in a clenched hand. "It is very pretty. It'd be a shame if something… happened to it." Clicking the bottom of a pen, Hiromi pressed the tip centimeters away from the painting.

"Oi!" Eito went from pudgy pale to brick red in a matter of seconds. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

"Getting what was promised to me, obviously." Hiromi stuck out her tongue. "Now sell me that Booboo bunny for 15,000 or I'll be marking a mustache right on this pretty little lady. Ooo, and I bet a smiley face would look _great_ on this sun over here…"

"You wouldn't. That's defacing private property!"

"Oh, I think I would." Hiromi's blue eyes were sparkiling with a devilish gleam while Makoto and Haru exchanged glances. Haru had no doubt she would if it came to it. Makoto seemed to think this too, based on his nervous expression.

The silence that hung in the air was stiff, and Haru wasn't sure whose gaze was more intense. Hiromi's, which crackled with electricity and power, or Eito's, which looked more stubborn than a mule. In the end, it was Eito who began sweating and he broke as Hiromi lowered the pen until but a hair could fit in the distance between ink and paper.

"Fine, fine alright already! A deal is a deal! I'll sell it for what we agreed! Now get away from that before you mark it! I have a collector coming in on Monday to examine it!" Hiromi smirked in victory.

"See, was that so hard?"

"You freaking kids these days, think you can do whatever you want…" He grumbled, shoving the statue towards her direction. "Just give me the money."

"Thank you!" Hiromi smiled sweetly, handing him the money over. He began counting it with scrutiny as she kissed the bunny on the nose. "Well, pleasure doing business with you!" She bowed, making her way to the door as she slid her new prize into her purse.

"Yeah, yeah. Get out of here already." Hiromi stopped to look over at him with another smile, this time looking a hell of a lot more forced.

"Oh, by the way, I'm not a little girl. I have the parts to prove it." And without another word, Hiromi headed out the door with all three boys looking after her.

"Uh, have a good day." Makoto stammered out to Eito, and Haru followed him out to Hiromi, regretfully leaving the cat behind.

"Well, that's taken care of!" Hiromi smiled brightly, jumping over to them and pulling Makoto into a loose hug.

"Yeah, you did great!" Makoto praised. "That was pretty awful of him, changing the deal you had like that." Hiromi nodded, pouting.

"I can't believe the nerve of him! Ugh, that makes me mad! I'm a poor college student, you know. I can't afford to spend so much on something like this, even if it is BooBoo!" Poor student or not, she still spent 15,000 yen on the stupid thing.

"So what now, should we head back and wait for the train?"

"Hmm, I guess." They looked at Haru for his opinion, to which he just shrugged. He was just happy to finally be able to go home.

"Then home it is!" The two split apart from their hug, opting to hold hands instead, and the three of them made their way towards the road.

By now it was nearing four in the afternoon and the birds were all noisily flying in the skies above them, probably looking for a late night dinner before the skies became too dark and the nightlife emerged **.** Joining them in their sounds was the occasional sound of woodpeckers and the swoosh of the trees from the wind. It all felt so surreal compare to the noises of Tokyo, which only consisted of cars honking, people shouting, and the occasional burst of loud music. It was kind of nice, he had to admit, to actually be able to hear the sounds of the world. Iwatobi offered a lot of those experiences too.

"Hey, guys, lets go through here!" So lost in the sounds of the creatures around him, Haru hadn't even noticed Hiromi had pulled Makoto to a stop. He turned around to find Hiromi pointing into the woods.

"Through the forest?" Makoto stared at the dense trees, looking a bit nervous. "I dunno, Hiromi-chan… That's…" dangerous? Stupid? Come on Makoto, take your pick. Lots of options here.

"Come on, Mako-kun, it would be fun! We have some time before the train comes, anyway. Think of it as a final adventure through the woods!"

"No thanks." Haru was having none of that. He was getting sick of all this adventure nonsense.

"You guys are no fun! Fine, I'll go by myself! See you at the station, I guess." Letting go of Makoto's hand, Hiromi abruptly turned and stepped into the grass, heading straight into the large array of trees.

"Hiromi-chan!" Makoto called after her, but she didn't even turn to look back. "Haru..." the brunette opted instead, his eyes creased with newfound worry.

"Yeah." Was all Haru answered, already stepping onto the grass.

Adventure? Adventure his ass. Haru was starting to think Hiromi wouldn't know a good time if it smacked her in the face, which he was perfectly willing do to right now. Where was the fun in getting snagged by bushes, tripping on twigs, and having to crawl over fallen over trees? Not to mention they were on a slight incline because of the hill. He certainly didn't see it, and if another branch caught onto his leg one more time he was more than likely to kick a tree. That whole appreciation for nature thing? Yeah, he wasn't feeling it much anymore.

Haru looked up at Hiromi, hoping that she was coming to regret this decision, but no, she seemed to be having the time of her life. Smiling bright, humming a song, god he wanted to go home.

"Haru, you have a bur in your hair." Grumbling, Haru came to a stop as Makoto began ruffling through his hair. He would have enjoyed the situation a bit more if not for the fact it felt like his hair was being ripped from his skull. "Jeeze, where did you even run into this guy?" Makoto held the prickle sphere up between his pointer finger and thumb as Haru rubbed his head.

"I have no freaking idea. Everything in the forest keeps attacking me."

"Hurry up, slowpokes!" Hiromi's voice rang back to them, and looked over some distance to see her standing on a rock. "This is no time to be doing each other's hair."

"Hiromi-chan, how much farther?" Haru was a bit too satisfied in noticing that Makoto sounded as tired of this as he was.

"Oh, not too much longer." She winked at them. "I see a clearing not too far up ahead. Probably a group of houses or something." At this Makoto gave a smile as Haru sighed with relief.

"As much fun as this is, it's probably best we get back to the station. It'd be awful if we missed our train."

"You worry too much, Mako-kun! I know exactly where we're going." Haru didn't know why, but that sounded exactly like something Nagisa would say. That just made him nervous. He wished he hadn't made the comparison.

"Well as long as you know." He smiled down at her.

"I shall lead us to victory!" She pumped her fist into the air. The clearing she had been referring to was now slowly coming into view, the midafternoon sun causing the area to practically glisten. It did seem like there were way fewer trees and to be a pretty open area. Maybe Hiromi was right and they were at the edge of the city. They followed a small dirt path that opened them up to the skies above.

Wrong. She was so wrong Haru almost wanted to laugh. It was a clearing, alright, but not one that led to homes and people. It was a cliff.

"Well this doesn't seem right." Without the trees blocking the wind, the long grass and plants swayed freely in the wind, minus a large patch of dirt towards the drop-off point, which was deprived of all life. The cliff was high up, but not massively steep. It was a long incline of dirt, bushes, and tuffs of grass. Eventually it stopped and returned to the mass of trees below. So much for getting out of here.

"This view is gorgeous." Hiromi praised, shielding her eyes from the sun to see better. "The trees look so pretty. Hey guys, let's take a picture!" Haru scowled at the dirt. How about no? Haru was quick to decline her offer.

"Fine, then _you_ take a picture of me and Mako-kun!" Well, Haru didn't really want to do that either but he supposed it was better than being in the picture himself.

"Say cheese." He deadpanned, holding up the smartphone. He was coerced into taking several for her, like Makoto and her hugging, Makoto getting kissed by her on the cheek, Makoto holding her in a deep, loving kiss… Haru may or may not have purposely covered half the lenses of the camera with his thumb for the last one. He reached over and handed Hiromi her phone back when they finally parted.

With her camera back, Hiromi went towards the edge and bent down, gazing at the depth of the hill.

"I wonder how long this is." She said out loud. "Can you imagine sledding down something like this?"

"Be careful, Hiromi-chan, we don't know how steady the ground is there."

"Don't worry, it's perfectly sturdy." She pat the ground for reassurance.

"Even so…"

"We should probably get going anyways." She stood up, stretching her arms. "We'll have to go back and around. Oh hey, look at that!" Hiromi took one step forward, teetering on the edge, and the ground began crumbling beneath her. She started to fall forward.

"Hiromi-chan!" Even as Makoto shouted, Haru was reaching for her, trying to grab onto her hand, her wrist, her anything, and found he was still too far of a distance away. With a tsking noise, he took another step forward and Haru was finally able to grab Hiromi around the waist as the ground slid away from his feet. Hiromi's screams echoed. Haru felt something warm wrap around him.

And then everything became chaos.


	9. Chapter 9

9.

It wasn't like it was in the movies. There was no slow-motion fall, no slight delay in the air before gravity finally took hold. They fell like any other object that was air-borne. Hard and fast.

The impact from air to ground was enough to send Haru's head reeling and caused the world to spin, a sharp pain coming from his lip as a metallic taste filled his mouth. Haru tried to catch a breath, a whisper of oxygen, anything to fill his lungs, but the task was near impossible. It felt like he was choking on the heart pounding in his chest.

Was the sky up or down? Haru couldn't even tell if they were rolling anymore. His head was too dizzy to make any sense of his surroundings. All he could think to do was squeeze his eyes shut and wait. It felt like forever. In reality, it couldn't have been any longer than 10 seconds.

Haru was numb as they slid to a stop, keeping his eyes shut even as he was sure they were no longer moving. He wiggled his toes, slackened his grasp on Hiromi's waist, and waited for the rest of him to catch up. Makoto groaned behind him.

"Haru, Hiromi-chan, are you two okay?" Makoto's voice, thick and a bit disoriented, was enough to open his eyes, the blast of green from the tree canopy blinding him for a second. His senses were now coming back a mile a minute and he became increasingly aware of Makoto's hand tightly secure around his waist as he laid on the brunettes chest. Hiromi was on the other side of Makoto, laying on top of both of them and starting to turn around. In his flurry to grab them, Makoto must have fallen off the cliff as well, sandwiching Haru between Hiromi and himself to try and prevent either one of them from getting hurt in the fall.

"I'm okay, thanks to you and Haruka-kun." Hiromi said quietly, sliding off of him to sit next to Makoto in the grass. Haru mirrored the same, his joints cringing as he attempted to sit up. Makoto's hand didn't leave his side right away, sliding gently along his back and staying there until Haru was situated safely in the grass to his right. Haru felt his cheeks warm up at the softness and warmth of the touch.

"Oh, Haru-chan you're bleeding!" In a quick motion Makoto was pushing Haru's hair back, pressing the bangs back so he could get a better look at his face. Haru jumped at the sudden contact and quickly shook the hand away, gliding a finger across his bottom lip and looking in the other direction.

"It's just a split lip, I'm fine."

"But-"

"What about you?" Haru interrupted, peaking an eye over in a sudden stare down. "You took most of the fall, didn't you?" his brows creased a bit in worry, now looking up to the marks skidded into the dirt from their slide. One bad land and Makoto could have broken a bone or at least gotten a concussion from the impact.

"Yeah, are you okay baby?" Hiromi reached up to caress his cheek. "How's your back?"

"I'm fine." Makoto shook his head. "Just a bit sore is all." As if to prove his point, Makoto started to pull himself into a sitting position, wincing a bit at the motion. Haru was quick to his side, placing firm hands onto his back to help him up.

"Oh, Mako-kun, I just feel so awful about this…" Hiromi bit her finger, eyes sparkling. "I should have been more careful."

"Its okay, Hiromi-chan." Makoto smiled sweetly at her. "I'm just glad you're not hurt." Oh good god now they both were smiling at each other like that. Haru found himself looking at the ground with a bitter taste in his mouth. He stood up.

"We should get going." Not to interrupt a moment, but _well_ …

"You've been saying that since we got here." Hiromi stuck her tongue out at him, but nonetheless stood up as well. They both reached over to help Makoto his feet, who staggered a bit upon standing.

"Hmph." Haru gently tried to swipe the dirt that marked up Makoto's back, but found it not very successful. It looked as if he was a cabinet that hadn't been dusted in years.

"Haru is right, though, Hiromi-chan. I think we've all had enough of this town for one day." More like forever, but Haru decided not to correct him.

"Well I don't think we will be going back the way we came." Hiromi noted, and they all looked back up at the cliff. "Let me pull up the map. Town can't be that far." Pulling out her phone she did a couple of flicks to the screen. She stared at it with a furrowed brow before pointing off to the left. "That way!" Makoto smiled at Haru in relief. Haru just stared at the direction dully.

"Lead the way, Hiromi-chan!" She made some kind of captain salute and started moving, Haru and Makoto taking up the rear once more.

Unlike their trek before, there was less to climb over and trip on as they hiked through the woods. Haru figured this was a good sign and meant that town had to be close enough by.

Hiromi led them through the woods as if that was true, anyway. Despite falling down the cliff being quite a downer, she quickly returned to her happy spirit and was brightly humming as she had been before. Well, that was nice for her, he guessed. Haru was quickly supporting a burning temper that was forming as the time ticked on.

Every now and then he would look up at the sky and notice that the blue had turned a touch darker as the sun started to lower itself. It was a constant reminder of how long this stupid adventure was taking. Makoto, meanwhile, was mostly quiet, a perfect neutral zone in-between Hiromi's happy attitude and Haru's brooding atmosphere. As was Makoto's nature, he seemed to be trying to keep both of them at peace. It worked for a while, but Haru was beginning to lose patience.

"Makoto, don't you think this is taking a while?" Haru looked up Makoto, meeting the green halfway. "We should be there by now."

"Yeah." Makoto sounded unsure, and Haru could read him well enough to know that the orca had more than likely been thinking about this for a while. "Hiromi-chan," he called, this time loud enough to reach his girlfriend. "Are you sure we're going the right way?"

"Of course!" Hiromi replied with a smile, but fell to a stop. She pulled out her phone again to stare at it, only to look up at the woods behind her. "Yeah, definitely just a little farther."

"Do you want us take a look?" Makoto suggested, offering a hand out.

"Don't you worry you're pretty little head, Mako-kun! I'm the navigator, you guys just sit back and keeping enjoying the trip! I'll have us out in no time."

"When did the enjoying start?" Haru whispered bitterly. If he and Makoto had had their way, they'd already be on the train on the way back to Tokyo. There would have been no tumble down a cliff, nor there any need to navigate through a stupid forest.

"Oh shush you." Hiromi waved him away with the back of her hand and began leading them through the trees once more.

Twenty minutes later, they came to another stop, and Haru could feel his heart pounding faster. Compared to before, Hiromi looked nowhere near as sure of herself as earlier. In fact, she was squinting into the woods as if trying to read invisible answers.

"This way, this way!" she gave a giggle, changing their direction slightly. "Oh, I can almost taste the apples."

The next stop came at a huge pile of rocks, where they stopped to take a breather. The whole time Haru clicked his nails on the hard piece of earth, impatience rising in his gut. Hiromi told them a story about hiking with her aunt. Makoto listened kindly. Haru wanted to shoot her.

"Was she the one who led the way?"

"Yeah, why?" she titled her head. Figures. Haru clutched his hands tight.

"Just curious." They moved on when a centipede crawled cross Makoto's hand.

The trees were getting taller as was the foliage around them, becoming less tamed and more wild. Thorns tugged at their clothes like rabid fans and they no longer had a forest floor but carpet of dead leaves. The animal life was becoming more abundant as well, a rather ugly looking snake and some hybrid of rabbit making an appearance. It wasn't the characteristic of the edge of a forest, but deeper into the center. They were lost. Haru was quickly beginning to realize this.

At a tree that oddly had a shape of a cactus they came to a stop yet again and now Haru could feel the hair on his arm bristle. They were lost, so freaking lost that it was almost hilarious. Almost. He took a deep breath, tension forming in his jaw. Haru was seconds from his breaking point. At this point, anything could set him off. A branch could crack too loud and it would still make him want to throw something. He was sick of this trip, of this adventure, of _everything._

"I think we came from that way…" Hiromi pointed into the woods, though she looked completely unsure. "So, that way?"

"What does the _map_ say?" Haru asked, his voice sharp. Hiromi bounced her phone in her hand, looking sheepish.

"Well, the thing is… I don't have any connection anymore. I lost it a little bit ago…"

"You're kidding." Haru's eye twitched. "So we've just been walking around with no idea where we're going!?"

"No! Not… really!" Hiromi planted her hands on her hips. "I thought I knew where we were going, okay? It's not that big of a forest, so I just figured if we kept going one way we'd make it."

"Hiromi-chan, we've been in here for two hours already. You should have said something earlier." Hiromi bit her lip, down-casting her eyes.

"I was going to, but I didn't want you to get mad at me." Yes, because this was so much better. Getting lost in a forest they didn't know while the sun kept getting lower and lower to the ground. "… Do you guys have connection?"

Makoto shook his head after pulling his phone out of his pocket. "I don't. Haru?"

"Mines at home." Haru said honestly, rubbing his temple. Why would he bring it with when the only person he really needed it for was right here beside him?

"So we're lost." Makoto said blankly, pushing his hair back.

"Well I feel like if we kept following the same direction…"

"Cause that's been working." Haru rolled his eyes, glaring into the woods so he wouldn't be glaring at her.

"We should have run into something by now, though." Makoto added to Haru's statement, voice way softer than Haru's own. "Maybe we took a wrong turn somewhere?" Yeah, down a cliff.

"We could retrace our steps back?" Hiromi suggested, biting her lip.

"Won't that take too much time?"

"Yeah, I guess. We could just go in the opposite direction we've been going in, then? If towns not this way, than maybe it's the other way."

"I suppose that could work…" Haru sighed, walking off into the trees. He didn't stop until their voice's were nothing but incomprehensible whispers, choosing than to squat against a tree. The quite was a blessing he had been wishing for for a while. It was no bath, but at least he could sit in comfortable silence.

Without Hiromi's loud voice or Makoto's noisy footsteps breaking through the air, he could actually hear the sound of leaves ruffling through the late September wind. The breeze was peaceful to the touch, too, and petting against his face Haru could feel some of the tension in his body leave him. The smell of grass began to fill his nose, accompanied by unknown wild flowers. A bee buzzed nearby, probably on its way to its hive. Water trickled from not that far away. Wait, water?

Haru quickly stood up, facing the direction it was coming from. He hadn't noticed the sound before, but now that he had it was all that he could hear. Loud and crisp, the beautiful noise called him like a siren and made his toes curl. Would it be wrong if he felt like drooling? Probably.

"Haru, what are you doing over here?" Makoto asked, stepping over towards him. Hiromi was at his side, rummaging through her purse.

"Do you guys here that?" he asked, but was greeted by confused eyes.

"Hear what?"

There's water nearby."

"Haruka-kun, now really isn't the time to go for a swim…" Well, rude. Anytime was a good time for a swim, for the record. He _was_ wearing his swimsuit.

"That's not why I pointed it out." He snapped. "It could lead us to town, or at least a road."

"Really?" Makoto's eyes lit up at this revelation.

"Yeah. When I was younger I went hiking with my parents a couple of times. Dad taught me stuff like this." Apparently having spontaneous, adventurous parents could be a good thing once and a while.

"Okay, then lead the way. I don't really hear it." Probably because the water didn't like her. Why would it when she was a land dweller? Just look at Rei. It took months for the water to accept him.

"I kind of do." Makoto said excitedly, cupping his hands behind his ears. "Is it that way?" Haru nodded.

"It doesn't sound too far off." Focusing all his energy on listening for the trickling water, Haru took up the lead. The sound bent them to the right of the direction Hiromi was heading towards, bringing them to a thicket of branches home to a bunch of rabbits.

"Sorry Peter!" Hiromi called out to the family as they ran, both she and Makoto looking a bit sad that they had disturbed the creatures. Haru ignored it all, happy that his senses were right. It wasn't the biggest of streams, only stretching around three feet across, but it was water. Actual flowing water. Haru was quick to kick his shoes and socks off, stepping into the cool liquid with glee. It went only up to his ankles but was enough to satisfy his need for the moment.

"If we follow this down, it might meet up with a river that leads to town." Haru said, pointing as he talked.

"How do we know it will, though?" Hiromi asked, shifting in the mud.

"We don't." Because her idea was much better.

"I say it's worth a shot." Makoto smiled. "Better than wondering the woods and having to call for a rescue." Hiromi couldn't argue with that, so they began following the streams trail, Makoto and Hiromi walking along on land while Haru enjoyed his stroll in the water as most he could in this type of situation.

It turned out Haru had been right. After about a half an hour of walking, louder rushing water filling the air as the trees around them grew shorter and sparser. He got out of the stream just in time to watch the water wind down a bunch of rounded rocks to join a larger river, nearing at least 20 feet wide.

The highlight of the discovery? In the distance they could see a bridge raised above it. A bridge meant people. People meant town. Town meant thank fucking god they were free of these blasted woods.

Immediately they adjusted their course, heading straight in the direction of their holy grail. The bridge itself was metal, but along its sides on either part of the river were stacked rocks, similar to the one they had sat on earlier but much more trimmed and humanized. They were like nature's stairs.

Makoto climbed up them first, then offering a hand up for Hiromi and then Haru. A bit out of breath from the climb the three of them all stood there for a moment, staring at the setting sun and relishing in the fact that there were _houses_ around them, located on either side of the bridge. They had made it out, had actually survived with little damage.

And it was great, at least for a second. But reality struck almost immediately as they kept looked around. Nothing was even remotely familiar. They were definnently not where they started. In fact, they really were no better off than in the woods.

"Um…" Makoto bit his lip, looking at the unfamiliar street they stood on. "This isn't how we came in."

"Well, at least we got out?" Hiromi said, her voice too optimistic. "See, it wasn't that bad."

"You got to be freaking kidding me." Haru had never been so done in his life. Unable to calm down, he found himself rounding on Hiromi. "What part of that was _good?"_

"Well, if you would actually try and look at it from a different _perspective_ -"

"Fuck that." Haru growled, his eyes ablaze.

"Haru!" Makoto tried to interrupt, but Haru completely ignored him.

"I'm sick of this! No, don't look at me like that. This trip has been one disaster after another. Calling it an adventure is just trying to cover up all your mistakes. I've had enough of this stupid childish nonsense!" Before she could stuttered out a reply, Haru grabbed hold of Makoto's wrist and tugged, hauling him down some godforsaken street he didn't even know the name of. There were no tingles, no fluttering butterflies forming from touching Makoto so closely. All feelings were fried in his anger.

"You're being ridiculous!" Hiromi pattered after them, keeping up despite Haru's efforts to get away from her. "Who's the child now?"

"Hiromi-chan!" Makoto was looking at them both helplessly, his gaze looking at the back of Haru's head with worry.

"I didn't even want to be here!" Haru spat at her, gripping Makoto's wrist tightly. His feet pounded nosily on the pavement.

"Well, nobody forced you to come!" Hiromi replied just as hotly. Her eyes were burning electric. "You could have said no, so don't act like we kidnapped you! We were just trying to be nice and do you a favor. But obviously that was a big mistake, since you've been hell-bent in spoiling our time since we got here."

"I didn't _ask_ for anything from you. I have much better things to do than be a fucking third-wheel on your stupid so called 'adventure'. If you think that your plans are worth any of my time then think again, Hiromi."

"My god, you're being such a freaking asshole right now! What is your _problem?_ " Haru skidded around and turned to look at her, eyes like ice.

"You." She was the problem, the problem for every fucking thing going on his life, and he hated her, hated her _so_ much he could barely stand it. It wasn't just this stupid trek through the forest. It was her stupid smile and her stupid giggle and the stupid way she clung onto Makoto and kissed Makoto and loved Makoto. It drove him crazy. Sure he could push the feeling down and avoid it for a while, but it always came back and always burned like a fresh new wound, lasting longer and longer with each and every passing day.

But what sucked the most was that he knew Hiromi didn't disserve this behavior from him. It wasn't her fault that he had realized too late how he felt. It wasn't her fault that she beat him fair and square. It wasn't her fault that he couldn't say what he wanted to say. It was just her fault that he became aware of the pain.

"Haru." A gentle warmth encased his hand and Haru looked over to Makoto, who was cradling his fingers like they could break. It was warm, soft, comforting. Haru felt his tension begin to melt. "Please don't get mad at Hiromi-chan. It was me who asked you to come. I'm sorry." The look in Makoto's eyes filled him with guilt. He had attacked Hiromi and had hurt Makoto as a result. That was not what he wanted at all.

"No," Haru pulled his fingers away from the touch that warmed him. "Makoto. It's just me. Sorry." He took a few steps away. "Lets… just go catch the train. I want to go home."

Through the use of Hiromi's phone, thanks to it re-connecting, they were able to find their way back to where they had started. Haru never realized he would be so comforted by the smell of fresh apples. Even more than that, the train station called him nearly as much as the water had had before, his stomach tumbling over with the knots he had created himself.

If he thought his troubles were over, though, then he was sorely mistaken.

"Sorry, you folks missed the last train heading out tonight by a half-hour." The guard informed them, not really looking sorry in the least as the three of them all stood before him.

"You're kidding." Makoto and Hiromi shared glances while Haru stood behind them, feeling defeated. "You mean there won't be a train back to Tokyo until the morning? But that doesn't make sense! It's like seven o'clock!"

"Is there no other way?" Haru protested. "I have important training tomorrow morning."

"Not my problem." He adjusted his keys. "The train is in for maintenance for the rest of the night. Somethings up with the engine, so the schedules been changed just for tonight. Next time think before you decide to go on a hike on a school night. Now if you excuse me, I have to get back to my job. You three will have to leave." With a shooing motion, he directed them to the door with his eyes.

Back outside, Haru leaned his back against the wall and slid down, hugging his knees. Well, on a scale to 10 on how screwed he was, Haru was surpassing triple digits. His coach was going to _flip_ when Haru didn't show up to practice tomorrow morning. He could already feel the strain in his legs from all the laps he was going to have to run as punishment. Haru hated laps. Regretfully his coach knew this too.

"Haruka-kun, I'm sorry." Haru looked up to see Hiromi kneeling in front of him, their eyes level. "This really is my fault. And now because of me you're going to miss something important to you. I'm sorry, Haruka-kun, I really am!" Her eyes grew wet and Haru realized she was seconds from crying. Well, that certainly was something he didn't want to deal with right now.

"No, I'm sorry." He whispered, looking at the cracks in the cement _._ "It's not like you planned for this to happen."

"Oh Haruka-kun!" Haru jumped as she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. A Bit panicked, Haru looked up to Makoto for some help. The brunette, of course, was freaking useless and just replied to him with a shrug. Stupid Makoto. "I really am sorry, you know? I didn't mean to call you an asshole, I was just stressed from arguing with that asshole seller and then I just wanted us to have fun but I just made you two get hurt and then got us lost and-"

"Don't worry about it." Haru interrupted, patting her back awkwardly. "We can't do anything about it as this point. Might as well forget about it."

"I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you, though…"

"Run the laps my coach is going to give me tomorrow when I don't show up."

"I don't think it works that way…"

"I know. It was a joke." Haru sighed, shifting under her weight. He wished she would stop hugging him already.

"So what should we do now?" Makoto asked, looking at Haru for suggestions.

"Check into a hotel, I suppose." Haru shrugged. "I saw signs for one up ahead. How much yen do we have?" Dumping all their money on the ground in front of them, they were able to pool together enough that would at least get them a decent room.

Well, decent was kind of a big word. Bearable seemed to fit better.

"This seems… nice?" Makoto walked over to pull back a curtain. "You can see the apple fountain from here." Nice would have meant they weren't all sleeping on what felt like concrete. Nice meant there wasn't rust stains on the bathroom tile or that the carpet was actually stapled down to the floor. And nice definitely meant that there was an indoor pool because what kind of hotel would even think that not having one was a good idea? Oh right, this one. But yeah, it was nice. Completely nice. At least there was a freaking bathtub.

"Oh goodie." Hiromi sat down one of the beds. "It's just what I always wanted for a view." Haru, ignoring them both, walked towards the bathroom. He grabbed the handle.

"I'm taking a bath." The door slammed behind him a bit more aggressive than he meant to.

The water was everything he needed and more. It refreshed him, washed away the dirt and the stress and aggression and filled him up with a pleasant heat all over.

Dunking his head into his sanctuary, Haru slipped under the surface and enjoyed the peace and tranquility until a good long hour passed. His hand twitched in front of the drain when it came time to finally get out, and he almost had half a mind to just forget it and stay in the bathub for a couple more hours. But he had to figure Makoto and, god forbid Hiromi, wanted a hot shower after rummaging through the woods for a good part of the day. Haru knew he needed it.

With a heavy heart Haru pulled himself to his feet and stepped onto the tile, water slithering down in gentle paths towards his toes, leaving wet lines along his tan skin before Haru wiped it all away with a swipe of his towel. Since there was nothing to change into, Haru opted with wearing his swimsuit and shirt. It was a lot more comfortable than jeans to bed, that was for sure. Rubbing his towel into his black locks, Haru took a deep breath and opened the door.

On the other side he found Makoto and Hiromi sitting on opposite beds, Makoto texting something into his phone while Hiromi flipped through one of the town's brochure. At his presence Makoto smiled, setting his phone down and walking over to a plastic bag sitting on the dresser. He wished the big apple stretched across the front would be a surprise.

"Haru, we went and got something to eat for dinner. You want some?" Ruffling his hair a bit more in the towel, Haru looked over to see the sandwich Makoto was offering.

"It doesn't have apples in it, does it?" Makoto gave a soft chuckle. He eyed the sandwich up suspiciously.

"No, it's just turkey and cheddar." Haru's stomach grumbled.

"Okay." He carefully took the sandwich from Makoto, letting the towel settle on his shoulders as he peeled the plastic wrap from his heavily wrapped meal. It tasted… well, as he expected. Less than fresh with fake ingredients. But it was enough to fill him for the time being.

"It's not great, I know." Makoto grimaced, probably remembering his own sandwich. "But it was all we could find."

"It's fine." Haru shrugged. "Where'd you get them?"

"There's a convenience store not too far away. Hiromi was able to find it with her phone." At least her map was good for something, then. "We also got some blueberry muffins for the morning and some milk."

"Wow, the catering here is fantastic." Haru smirked lightly at Makoto, taking a rather large bite from his sandwich. "I feel like royalty."

"At your service, Nanase-sama." Makoto curtsied with an invisible skirt, and Haru could feel his cheeks burn as his heart bathumped aggressively in his chest. Makoto _never_ used his last name. Ever. They never had to, having known each other before either of them could even talk. Hearing his last name come out Makoto's mouth made him dizzy, his veins pumping hot throughout his body. He was well aware that it had nothing to do with the hot bath he had just taken. Makoto was always doing that, surprising him when he least expected it. It was enough to knock him on his feet.

"Haru, how hot of a bath did you take? Your face is all red!" Haru quickly turned his head to the side, sliding away before Makoto could attempt to take his temperature. Yes, because that's what he needed. If Makoto touched him he'd probably explode on contact right now.

"There's enough left, if that's what you're asking." He hid behind his half-eaten sandwhich, rubbing his toes together.

"Hmm, well I'll be the judge of that." Hiromi, who had been watching the exchange between the two silently from her bed, now stood up with a stretch. "I'm taking over the bathroom, if you don't mind, Haruka-kun." Haru wasn't sure if he should feel insulted by that or not. Whatever, he didn't care too much. He was still trying to somehow calm down with a sandwhich for crying out loud. He nibbled at the bread.

"Save some for me, Hiromi-chan." Makoto smiled at her.

"Hmm, I make no promises." She giggled, shutting the door gently with a click. Haru looked at Makoto out of the corner of his eye, only to be startled with Makoto was already looking at him. The shower tap thundered from the bathroom.

"Did you have a nice bath?" Makoto asked with a gentle look. Haru nodded shyly.

"I enjoyed it, yes." He was dismayed when he finished up his sandwich, unable to focus his attention from Makoto any longer.

"I'm glad." Makoto voice dropped a little then, and a frown formed on his face. Haru didn't like that at all. "Look, Haru… I'm sorry I made you come with. It was very selfish of me."

"Don't worry about it."

"But I _am_ worried about it, Haru!" Makoto bit his lip, looking at Haru with bright green eyes. "I forced you to come when you didn't want to, and look what happened! You got hurt…" Haru felt a pressure on his lip, only to realize it was Makoto's thumb gently rubbing against his cut. His skin buzzed.

"It doesn't hurt…" Haru said quietly. Right now, it felt pleasantly warm. He would take a hundred split lips if it meant Makoto touching him like this.

"It could've though. It could've been much worse. You wouldn't have to deal with any of this at all if I hadn't made such a big deal."

"If you think I blame you for anything you're not as smart as I thought." Haru pulled out of Makoto's touch, only to grab onto his wrist and hold it tightly. "What's with all the self-deprecation all of a sudden, Makoto?" Makoto wouldn't meet his eyes so Haru pulled him a bit closer.

"What you said to Hiromi-chan, about being a third-wheel… Do you really hate it?" Haru felt his heart skip, his body start to twitch, and used all his strength to not show Makoto an ounce of the truth that he felt.

"Makoto, I was mad at the time. I was just trying to piss her off."

"They say every lie has bit of truth to it." The brunette lowered his head. If he was a dog Haru was sure his ears would droop.

"Look, I told you before, I was grumpy about coming with. It wasn't about having to be here with the both of you, it was having to be here in general."

"I'm sorry." Makoto whispered. Having enough of it all, Haru reached forward and pushed Makoto's hair out of the way so their eyes would meet. He didn't need Makoto digging where he shouldn't, not when it teetered towards the truth.

"Makoto, I'm not mad. Not anymore at least. And not at all at you. So stop apologizing, okay? The day is over, everything is what it is. It will all go back to normal once we get back to Tokyo."

"Okay." There was a wisp of a smile now. "I really am sorry, though, Haru-chan."

"Oh my GOD Makoto, have you've been listening to me?" Using the power of surprise Haru was able to shove Makoto down on the bed and leaned over him with a scowl. "If you apologize one more time I'm going to freaking _tickle_ you until you cry. And while we're at it, drop the –chan already. You're well over the limit just from today."

"Okay, okay!" Makoto laughed, looking a lot more like his usual self. "I'll just call you Nanase-sama then." Haru quickly grabbed a pillow and shoved it into Makoto's face.

"Absolutely not!" He pressed the fluff against his grinning face once more for added measure. That was definitely going into the 'never call me that again' pile. His heart couldn't take it.

"You could have just said no." Makoto pouted, throwing the pillow up by the others. He attempted to sit up, rubbing at his back as he did so.

"Does you're back still hurt?" Maybe pushing his best friend down like that was a bad idea.

"Yeah, a bit. Everything feels really tight." Haru took a deep breath.

"Do you want me to massage it?" It wouldn't be the first massage he'd ever given Makoto, what with them being on a swim team and running together and all, but it would be the first time touching Makoto's back since he realized his feelings. This would either be the best thing, or the worst. Haru really couldn't see an in-between. But Makoto was hurting and Haru decided giving him some relief was worth the risk.

"…would you?" Makoto was looking at him with sudden hope. Haru nodded.

"Take your shirt off and lay down." Makoto was quick to oblige, grabbing the hem of his t-shirt and pulling it over his head with ease. To prevent himself from staring, Haru deliberately looked away, waiting until he felt the bed shift and then become stable.

No matter what he did, Haru couldn't shake the fact that Makoto was now laying with his bare back to him, muscles shining in all their glory. Fuck this was probably a bad idea. He swallowed hard, taking a deep breath before he crawled over.

Makoto truly had the back that would put all Gods to shame. Years spent on the backstroke had done nothing but benefit him, the training sculpted great muscles capable of being their own little mountains. Out of all of them it was probably best for Makoto to have taken the impact, his strength probably the only reason he hadn't broken a bone. He wasn't without injury, however.

Up this close, Haru could see purple bruises starting to form, dotting along his spine. There were a couple of scratches, too, some just white curved marks while others had seeps of red. Haru carefully traced the worst one with his finger.

"Ahh, Haru that tickles!"

"Sorry." Haru slid his hands up to Makoto's upper back. His hands felt positively cold against the heat of his skin and Haru was tingling in every fiber of his body. Makoto was so warm, so very very warm. It felt like heaven against his palm. "Where should I rub?" he asked quietly. Anywhere, he'd rub anywhere.

"The middle of my back would be great, actually…" Haru gracefully ran his fingers down the first half of Makoto's spine, letting his fingers touch the bulge of his muscles without any attempt to hide it.

"Okay." Haru pressed three fingers into his back and pushed, beginning to rotate the digits clockwise. Makoto reacted instantly, the muscles tightening under his grip from impulse. Haru remembered his previous massages rather well, and was quick to find exactly where Makoto's highest tension area's were. It wasn't long before Haru had Makoto moaning in painful happiness below him.

"Oh god Haru this feels amazing." He breathed into the pillow, a groan puffing out as Haru pressed tightly with his thumb onto his lower back. "I really appreciate it."

"Yeah, yeah. You should have said you needed this earlier." Thank god Makoto couldn't see him right now. Haru was blushing up a storm, his body just as hot as Makoto's natural temperature. He had lost all dignity at this point. Hopefully Makoto was too invested in his back being rubbed to notice.

"Forgive my insolence." Makoto voice dropped low as Haru worked at a tight knot. "I forgot how good you were at this."

"I'm not that good. I've just done this for you often enough."

"Mhh. Either way, please don't stop." Not like he really wanted to, anyways. Haru rubbed from his upper shoulders to lower back, making sure to massage every inch of the skin given to him. He didn't have any worry about hurting Makoto and so used his full strength to take down the knots, twisting the balls down until they either vanished or provided Makoto with little pain.

"Hows that?" Haru asked after a while, relaxing his hands.

"I feel like I'm in heaven." Makoto sighed, entire body conforming to the crevasses in the sheets. "I may never move again." Well, that's what he said. But Makoto was shifting seconds after he spoke, pushing himself up by his palms and turning around to face Haru. "Thanks Haru."

"It was nothing, really…" Haru mumbled, fiddling with the spandex on his suit. "If it starts to act up again, let me know and I can give you another massage." Completely for Makoto's benefit. Nothing for Haru out of it. Yep nothing at all.

"No, Haru…" Makoto reached forward and grabbed him around the waist, pulling him to his chest and hugging him tight. Against a shirtless, burning hot Makoto, whose lips could only be mere _centimeters_ away from his ears, Haru's system completely crashed. He was aware of nothing but the fingers pressed into his back, the warmth across his chest, and of the smell only Makoto could give off. Sweetness and sunshine.

"It's not just that. You've done so much for me lately, and it just… it means a lot. You didn't have to go to the club, you didn't have to comfort me two weeks ago, and you didn't have to come with today. But you did."

"Well… you're my best friend." Haru whispered quietly, pressing his nose into Makoto's neck. Summer and cake filled his nostrils. "I'll do anything for you, no matter what."

"You spoil me." Makoto leaned his head against Harus. "I want to do the same for you." Makoto didn't understand anything. He had already given him the world. Beautiful smiles and heartfelt words and special touches. Haru was already happy, being right here beside him. Only one thing could make it better, but that would be impossible. And so where he stood, everything was as bright as it could be.

"You already have." Haru whispered, pulling away to look at him fully. "Makoto… I-"

"What are you guys doing?" eyes wide, Haru stared with increasing anxiety as Hiromi stood by the bathroom door, hands on her hips. Makoto was completely startled by her voice and grew red, letting go of Haru to turn to face her.

"Oh, Hiromi-chan!" he chuckled nervously, itching at his cheek. "Nothing really. How was your bath?"

"Fine." She replied, visibly biting on her cheek.

 _Shit shit shit._ Haru was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, his heart feeling like it was being struck with pinpricks with each passing second. His toes and his fingers felt suddenly so cold that they became numb.

No matter how one looked at it, Hiromi's reaction was completely understandable. They had been hugging, saying sweet things… Makoto had been _shirtless_ for god's sake! And his own expression… Haru knew better than to assume the face he had been making was anything but innocent. He had been caught up in the moment, in the blanket that was Makoto. Love was all he had felt at that moment. How long had she been there? How much had she seen?

"Well, that's good." Either Makoto was oblivious to the situation they had just created or was trying to ignore it, standing up and stretching his arms like he had just taken a pleasant nap or something. Haru wasn't sure which option hurt most. "I guess it's my turn then."

Makoto turned to grab his shirt as Haru looked at him in horror. Was he _seriously_ going to leave him alone with her? Might as well make his grave right now. Throw him right in the dirt with some crummy flowers from the woods. Oh god he'd probably have an apple headstone.

"I think I left enough." Hiromi told him, sitting on the edge of her bed. "I don't like very hot baths."

"Thanks!" and the door shut with a click. Silence, awful _awful_ silence followed. Haru studied his nails. Hiromi combed through her hair with her fingers. If he could have picked between this and being stuck in a room with a tiger, he would have preferred the cat.

"What were you two doing?" Haru jumped at the repeated question, looking over at her. She was looking straight at the wall.

"Nothing." Yes, way to go Haru. The situation is definitely resolved _now._

"Oh?"

"I was just giving him a back massage. He said it was hurting him."

"It didn't look like that to me."

The situation was laughable, really, because there wasn't anything for Hiromi to be digging at in the first place. What he was saying was the truth. Nothing was going on. As much as he wished for it, it was far from happening.

"He was thanking me." Haru sighed, pulling at the flower pattern of the bedding.

"Okay, Haruka-kun." Hiromi glanced over at him. "Are you done with that towel? I'm going to go lay them over the railing."

"…Yeah." Haru slowly took the towel around his neck and tossed it to her.

"I'll be right back." Left alone in stale air and lingering tension, Haru hugged his knees and let out a hefty sigh. At the rate his life was going, he was going to have white hair before he even reached his twenties.

When Makoto emerged from the bathroom, Hiromi had already been back for a while, scrolling through her phone on the free Wi-Fi as she leaned into her pillow. Haru was already curled under the covers, his eyes shut but his mind still awake. He was done with this day, done with this situation. He just wanted to go to bed and end it all, just for a moment.

"Hey baby." Hiromi called to him. "How was it?"

"Warmer than I thought it was going to be, actually. Is Haru asleep already?" the sound of Makoto's voice stirred him a little, and Haru couldn't help but listen in despite his best efforts to ignore them both.

"Yeah, he was in bed when I got back."

"Today was a bit rough. I'm pretty tired myself." Haru heard him yawn. "Is something wrong, Hiromi-chan?" Haru tightened his fists, body stiff. He wasn't sure if he wanted to overhear anything that might be said.

"No…" she paused. "I'm just… tired. We should probably get to bed."

"You sure? You look down."

"I'm just tired, really." She gave a quiet laugh.

"Okay, if you're sure." Makoto sounded like he was frowning. "I'll see you in the morning, then."

"Are you sure you don't want to sleep over here with me? You might wake him up."

"Normally I would but it's… awkward… when Haru's here." He heard Makoto whisper. "I'm sorry, Hiromi-chan." There was a silence and Haru figured she was kissing him again. The two of them were going to drown in saliva at this rate.

"It's fine. I understand. Goodnight, Mako-kun." Another kiss, this time loud enough for Haru to hear. "I love you."

"Night, Hiromi-chan." There was silence and then the lights shut off, enveloping them all in darkness. Haru tightened his grip as the blankets around him moved and the bed shifted behind him. Seconds ticked, the room was filled with small little movements. A move of a foot, a squeak of a spring. And then they were all drenched in total silence once more.

It was a painful silence. With new knowledge that it was _normal_ for Makoto and Hiromi to lay next to each other, his throat was burning and he bit his lip just in case he so he wouldn't make a sound. Of course it was normal for them, that's what couples _do._ But each and every little fact he learned about their relationship always made it hurt all over every time. He knew they kissed he knew they held hands and cuddled and whispered stuff that made what Makoto said to him look like nothing, but it hurt to be reminded. It hurt to know he wasn't number one.

Despite it all Haru couldn't help but lean back into Makoto's hand as he felt the brunette grab his shirt.


	10. Chapter 10

10.

People say that when bad things are about to happen, it's supposed to storm. The rain should be pounding, the wind should be howling, and lightening should blaze across the sky. All signs of sunlight should be corrupted by the dark. Those people were wrong.

The sun could shine. The sky could be clear, and the wind could be gentle. Birds would still fly, and others would still laugh. The world would still move and flow at its ever rapid pace. Your universe could completely shatter and flutter away, but life would continue to live. Instead, the storm would strike elsewhere.

The violent rage of nature took place in you. The snapping of trees, the crashing of waves, the blowing and tumbling and tearing. You were the wreckage, you were what was destroyed. Those bolts of lightning were to your heart, hot and painful as they struck, the thunder its erratic beat. The dark, menacing clouds was your mind. They hid all light, all hope from sight. Nothing could calm the waves of terror because nothing was meant to.

Only time could heal. Time and warmth, where the sun would finally peak into your heart and give it the gentlest of loves. It would stroke the wounds, sooth the tears and sew them back together. They would never restore to what they once were. There would always be a scar, something to commemorate all the pain that suffered inside. But that was okay. Because in that eventual bliss of happiness, you finally get to understand what it means to be alive.

For Haru, it all started with a text.

Haru was just finishing up an assignment when his phone clattered on the table beside him, the hum of the vibrate echoing throughout the room. He eyed the phone with distrust, almost in disbelief that it would be going off so late at night. Normally he himself would have already called it a night if it wasn't for being dragged off by a couple of swim team members to some karaoke bar. Apparently 'no thanks' meant 'drag him anyways'.

His eyebrows rose when he read the senders ID. Why would _Hiromi_ text him?

 _We need to talk._

Something rose in Haru's throat and he swallowed hard, the pen he was using falling right out of his hand. Hit with such a loaded statement, Haru's mind buzzed with what it might mean. Some answers jumped at him. The obvious one leaped the highest.

 _About what?_ He sent the reply with shaking hands, holding the device in-between his knees.

 _Meet me at the Green Bean tomorrow at 4._ Hiromi completely disregarded his question, and it just tightened the knot on his stomach. Not only did he have his suspicions of what she wanted to talk about, he was pretty damn sure he was right.

Any desire to fulfill her request flew right out the window, and yet he couldn't stop himself from touching the phones keyboard.

 _Okay._ Haru had no idea why he agreed.

Maybe he just wanted to prove himself wrong, that it was all in his head. What Hiromi had to say could have nothing to do with Makoto at all. Maybe he was giving Hiromi too much credit. Maybe it was nothing to be bothered by.

Or maybe he was just a masochist.

XxXxXx

Nervously clutching his duffle bag to his side, Haru pulled the door open as the little bell chimed to announce his entrance to the Green Bean. The café was relatively dead, only a few number of people currently seated inside. He was able to find Hiromi in the far corner, sipping some tea while clutching the bottom of the glass.

Seeing Haru approach her she gave a small smile, though it wavered as he got closer.

"Hey, Haruka-kun." She greeted him as he took a seat across from her. Haru just nodded in response. "Do you want something to drink or eat? My treat."

"No thanks." Haru wasn't sure he could stomach anything right now. Not when the air around them felt so heavy, sticking to his body and weighing him down. His arms felt like jelly at his sides. "Hmm… Well, okay." She twirled her straw around before taking another sip. "So how are you?"

Why was she doing this? Why was she beating around the bush? Inside Haru's body was practically crushing itself from nerves and all Hiromi was doing was making it worse. She needed to talk? Then _talk._ But don't make him have to wait.

"I'm fine." He replied bluntly. "Why are we here, Hiromi?" She jumped a little out of surprise from his impatience, but overcame it quickly, a nervous smile slipping over her lips as she pushed her glass away.

"I suppose small talk is useless with you, isn't it." She began tracing shapes into the wood. Haru watched as she went from drawing a heart to a star to a square and than back again. "I just… I don't want to- Argh, this is hard!" Exasperated, Hiromi slapped her hand to the table and looked away.

"You're the one who asked me here." Haru whispered quietly, watching her face.

"That doesn't make it any less difficult." She replied, almost sounding bitter as their eyes met. Through the glow of the setting sun outside the window, her eyes were dazzling even as they grew a wet glaze, sparkling as though they were made up of a bunch of shiny little crystals. Haru's reflected back much the same, his showing the innocence in which Hiromi had always lacked.

"Haruka-kun… About Mako-kun… what is he to you?" It was a broad question, one of which that could be filled with as many answers as there were stars in the sky. To pick one was selling Makoto short. In the end, Haru went with a bit of honesty.

"A very important person." He was the sun in the sky, the bright stars at night. Makoto lit up his world like nobody else could, like nobody else ever would. He was his life, his world, his _home_.

"Yeah." She looked at him with a struggling expression, gazing out of the window to avoid his eyes. "He said the same thing too." Haru clenched his hands, not even able to regain his breath from her words as Hiromi looked back at him again. She saw through him, eyes piercing right into his crumbling facade and took away any chance he had to hide. He was there right in front of her now, as clear as day. The stare on her face looked devastated.

"Don't- Don't make that expression!" she cried, running her fingers through her hair. "It's not right of you!" A bit caught off-guard, Haru shrunk back into his booth. "Why must you…" Hiromi stopped herself, trying to gather her bearings with a deep breath of air. When she spoke again, she sounded more composed. "Look… Haruka-kun. I-I know."

In any other situation, that could have meant anything. It could have been something small and stupid, or even something from a very long time ago. It could have even been an embarrassing story that she had heard about him through the passing of Makoto. But here, in this very moment, I know could mean only one thing.

"What do you know?" but he feigned ignorance anyway, feinted the fact that he very well knew what she was talking about. He hated this conversation, hated it with every fiber of his being but he could not bring himself to stand up and walk away. It was all too heavy to move. He should have never come in the first place.

"I've noticed something was strange for a while, you know." She laughed, though there wasn't an ounce of happiness in it. "You two were always close, and I… tried to respect that, really I did, but ever since the club it's been different. _You've_ been different. Mako-kun hasn't noticed anything, maybe because you don't want him to see, but I have." Hiromi took a deep breath, preparing what she was going to say next. Haru did much the same.

"Haruka-kun, you're in love with Mako-kun, aren't you." It didn't come out as a question, but a statement. How could it be when they both knew the answer so obviously? Haru fiddled with his fingers, pressed his foot into the ground, and looked up at her awaiting eyes.

"Yes." There was no struggle in his answer, the word coming out as easy as breathing. What was the point when there was no way to deny how he felt?

"You won't even deny it?" she wiped at her eyes, which were glazing over with tears.

"You already know it's the truth, don't you?" Haru asked her quietly. "I'm not going to put a show on for you and try to deny my feelings." Her lip trembled as some tears started to roll down her face.

"I still wanted to be wrong. I wanted to be imagining things or _something._ But I've seen the way you look at him when you think nobody can see you. It was such honest love… anybody would be a fool not to see it." She sniffed into a napkin.

"Do you understand how this feels for me to know this? I love him too, you know! I'm his girlfriend! You-you have no right to look at him like that! "

"He's with me now, Haruka-kun. You can't just waltz into everything with your feelings and expect it all to go your way. It's not fair to Mako-kun, and it's definitely not fair to me. I hate to be m-mean but I just… I can't take this anymore… Haruka-kun, I… I don't want you to hang out with Mako-kun anymore."

Static. All that surrounded him was static. Hiromi's voice, the sound of the radio, even the sound of his heart. Haru could hear none of it through the sound of his world crashing down on him. It was the same as when he had first learned Makoto had said yes. The same feeling, the same sensation. In all this time nothing had changed.

"What?" It was the only sound he could articulate as he struggled to sturdy the wall he was using to shelter himself. Bit by bit, pieces were flying off and clattering to dust at his feet. The defense he had been setting up for weeks was utterly destroyed by Hiromi.

"I-I know it's awful of me to request something like that, but think about how I feel! If you were me, would you want someone else who's in love with Mako-kun hanging around? I can't even sleep right now because of it. I'm so worried that something is going to happen if I'm not there. Do you realize how much it sucks not being able to trust your boyfriend? It makes no difference that you're a guy, or his best friend. I don't think I can handle you two being alone anymore. I can't do it, I really can't."

"You want me to take Makoto out of my life? I can't do that, Hiromi." Who could take the sun, the moon, the sky away from someone and think they could live?

"You can't hold onto him forever, Haruka-kun! Both you and Mako-kun need to learn how to live without each other. The closeness the two of you have is _weird._ How do you expect to survive out here when all you do is coddle each other? Besides," she hugged herself, looking right into his eyes.

"What are you going to do when Mako-kun finds out, Haruka-kun? Do you think nothing will change when he knows?" Haru's face went pale, all heat in his body replaced with numbing cold. "Do you think Mako-kun will be able to look at you the same way once he knows the truth?"

"M-Makoto isn't like that." Haru tried to convince her, tried to convince himself. "It won't change anything." But Haru was sure he was lying because there was no way it wouldn't change anything. For better or for worse, their relationship would never be the same again once he uttered those three words to him. Haru was convinced it would be for worse.

"He could never say it back. Not in the way you want. He can't even say it to me, and I'm his girlfriend."

"I-It doesn't matter. I don't need him to say it."

"If things stay like this, you'll hurt him." Those words sunk in like needles to the heart, and Haru clutched his bag to himself like it would somehow keep him adrift in this storm. "You don't want that, do you?"

"No." Haru was shaking, his mind frozen on those three words. _You'll hurt him._ He would sooner jump off a cliff than allow any harm to come to Makoto. If being by his side truly became painful for him, than that was no longer a place he wanted to be.

"I didn't think so." Hiromi whispered quietly, her eyes no longer wet. "I won't belittle your feelings, Haruka-kun. I know you care about Mako-kun more than anything. But you've had your chance for 19 years. It's my turn now. Mako-kun is no longer yours. Please respect that." Haru's throat burned and he struggled to swallow, but could barely keep any oxygen down around the lump that continued to grow. If he had done things differently, he wouldn't be here right now. He wouldn't be sitting here, agreeing with Hiromi that it might be best to leave Makoto's side after all.

But he hadn't and so here he was, with each ticking second coming to terms that his life with Makoto was about to abruptly end.

Hiromi was right, after all. Him sticking around in this type of situation would do nothing but hurt all of them in the end. He known that since the beginning, but had been avoiding it like the plague nonetheless. A story like this wasn't meant to have a happy ending.

Makoto wasn't his anymore. He was tired of trying to resist this fact. In the beginning it had seemed like it would be easy, pushing his feelings to the far off reaches of his mind. He couldn't have been more wrong. Every day felt like he was pushing his body a bit more beyond its limits. It was too painful, now, to try and smile and pretend everything was okay. His heart had to accept that.

If he would have known this would happen, he would have tried to schedule one more café break, or gave him something special, or even just have texted him a good morning back this morning instead of just setting the phone aside. He would have tried making the time more memorable, if not for Makoto than at least for himself. Makoto would survive without him in his life. Haru knew he couldn't.

Grabbing his stuff, Haru abruptly stood up. Like elastic stretched too thin, Haru could feel his body about to break down and snap.

"Is that all?" the corners of his eyes burned harshly and he could barely see straight anymore. Hiromi nodded.

"I said all I wanted to say." She murmured quietly, unable to look Haru directly in the eye. Haru turned his back towards her. "Wait, Haruka-kun, where are you-"

"I won't bother you anymore." Haru bit his cheek to stop his voice from wavering. "He's yours Hiromi. Take care of him."

"Haruka-kun I'm sorry...!" Haru didn't care what she had to say beyond that, grabbing the handle of the café and swiftly leaving before his entire soul tore in two. The bell clanged loudly at his exit.

The moment he was out of sight from the windows, he burst into a run. The path home was all a blur, the people, the buildings, the cars, everything. His feet knew the way and he trusted them, not allowing his thoughts to act in fear that he would lose it before he arrived at someplace safe.

When he reached the door of his apartment he was shaking so badly that he dropped his keys on the ground twice before he was able to click it into the lock, throwing it open with enough aggression to dent the wall inside.

Haru slid the door closed with a click, clutching the handle tight enough to turn his knuckles white. Just like that, the adrenaline from his run was gone.

Was he really not going to see Makoto again? Was this truly the end for them? No more cheery smiles or gentle touches or tender talks. There wasn't going to be any more hands offering to pull him out of the pool, nor any more surprise study sessions and green curry dinners.

Haru pressed his forehead against the wood of the door, his lips beginning to tremble.

He wasn't going to hear Haru-chan again.

A sob escaped between his lips.

 _I want to swim with you!_

 _You really are the best in the water, Haru-chan!_

 _It's meaningless without you!_

Haru let out a broken cry, kicking the door as tears started sliding down his face. He couldn't do this. How could he survive without Makoto?

His toe throbbed as he pathetically slid down the door, crying into his knees. The pain in his chest was unbearable, and he was so positively sure that his heart was going to twist into two. A life without Makoto was not a life he wanted to have. He would sooner get rid of water.

At this thought he let out an ugly croak, snot dripping from his nose as he began to cry harder, curling into a ball at the foot of the door. His head ached, his throat throbbed, and he was sure was breaking into nothing. He couldn't do this he couldn't it was too much too fucking much…

With gasping hiccups Haru reached for his bag, throwing items left in right in search for his phone. Once found he kicked all of it to the side and pressed the contact he was searching for. Haru lost another sob as the phone began to ring.

"Haru? Well isn't this unexpected!"

"R-Rin." Haru stuttered into the phone, sniffing into the receiver. "Rin can you talk?" There was a pause on the other side.

"Haru are you crying?" despite being on the phone Haru nodded, wiping at his eyes with his palm.

"Rin please, I don't know what to do anymore. I c-can't do this!"

"Is this about Makoto?" Just at his name Haru gave a whimper as fresh tears slithered down his face, and that was more than enough to let Rin know that he had hit the nail on the head.

"Okay okay. Shit, umm-"the phone made a loud static noise as Rin shuffled with some things on his end. "What happened?"

"I don't think I can see him anymore."

"Wait _what?_ I don't understand-"

"It would be better for everyone if I didn't…"

"Like hell! Haru-"

"But Rin, it hurts so much! It hurts to even breathe right now-"

"HARU!" Rin shouted, loud enough to stop Haru mid sob. "Okay, listen to me. Take a deep breath. I can barely understand you right now."

"I'm sorry…" Haru mumbled into the phone, pulling at his hair. "I just…"

"Shhh." Rin shushed gently into the phone. "Haru can you do something for me? Get yourself a big glass of water, take a deep breath, and crawl into bed with your laptop. I want to talk to you about this face-to-face."

"Okay…"Haru's voice came out weak in reply, biting his lip hard when he heard Rin hang up. Getting up took a good five minutes, Haru continuing to stay in his ball as another wave of hot tears spilled down his cheeks and down onto the carpet. His ribs ached with each sob that shook his body, hands trembling as they pulled at the fabric covering his shoulders. He could sense his nails digging even into his skin, but everything felt numb to the point where he couldn't even feel the pain it should have been bringing him.

It was exhausting to even get onto his feet. The whole way to the sink Haru wobbled on his legs, unable to even care if the glass he used was clean or dirty. He filled it up about halfway before pressing it carefully against his lips, sipping it as if testing for poison. Seconds later he was swallowing it in big gulps, the coolness of the liquid calming his tender throat and burning insides. He drank two more glasses before being satisfied.

His laptop was already in his room so Haru headed straight there, grabbing it with one hand before pulling his blankets over his shoulders with the other as he sat on his bed. Seconds after having the screen up the volume was already ringing with a call.

"Do you feel better now?" Haru shook his head at Rin, pulling his blankets closer to him. The redhead looked at him with worry. "Tell me what happened." Haru took in a shaky breath, eyes shining bright. The wetness of his lashes felt good against his burning hot face.

"Hiromi realized my feelings." He curled his knees to his chest. "She sent me a message last night saying she wanted to talk about something, so I met up with her today and… she told me how she felt about the situation. She… doesn't..." Haru took a deep breath, voice breaking. "She doesn't want me to see Makoto anymore."

"That… bitch!" Rin's face looked livid, Haru jumping at the aggressiveness of his voice. "Who does she think she is, asking you not to hang out with Makoto anymore? If I was in Tokyo I'd freaking slug her right across the face." Haru hid his face away out of sight from Rin.

"I'm not going to see him anymore." Rin was silent for a good 30 seconds.

"Oi, Haru. You can't be _serious._ "

"Rin, I can't do this anymore!" Haru rubbed at his eyes because dammit he was crying yet again. "This whole situation is too much for me. I thought I could do it but I can barely pretend I'm alright anymore! If I keep hanging around, It's just going to cause everyone else problems."

"The only one who's truly hurting from this right now is _you._ Makoto doesn't even know what's going on because you won't fucking tell him. I mean look at you, Haru! Just the idea of it is tearing you apart! I've never seen you go even a week without seeing him, let alone talking to him." Rin gestured to the screen. "You can't do this to yourself… It's self-destructive."

"Don't you get it, Rin? I've lost…"

"No, you've given up. You're not even trying to fight for him anymore!"

"Rin… please…" Haru's voice broke and he bit onto his knuckle to stop himself from letting out another sob that was nestled in the back of his throat and threatening to come out.

"You can't survive without him, Haru." Rin whispered gently. "I know you don't need my help in realizing that."

"I hate Tokyo… I hate it _so much._ " Haru buried his face in his knees with a cry. "I want to go _home_."

"Har-" a loud click of a doorknob stopped Rin before he could even start, and the red head turned around with a groan.

"Why aren't you answering your phone?" Haru knew that deep voice, even without glancing up.

"Shit, Sousuke." Rin looked to be at the end of his ropes. "Sorry I was talking with Haru."

"Nanase?" He seemed to become suddenly aware of the computer screen sitting in front of the redhead and bent down to see the picture better. Of course, all that greeted him was the bundle Haru had curled himself into.

"He's going through some stuff…" was all Rin elaborated on. Sousuke stuck his hands in his pockets.

"Oh. Not to tear you away or anything, but we need to get going if you want to make it to the meeting on time."

"Shit, it's that late already?" Rin looked at the clock, pushing his hair back with exasperation. "Crap. Uh, Haru?" Haru remained unmoved. "I have a really important seminar I _have_ to go to, couch required it and everything and I-" Rin paused for a moment, as if contemplating something.

"You know what, fuck this. Sorry Haru, I can't leave you to suffer alone. Sousuke, sit with him." He pushed his boyfriend right into the seat. "I'll be right back." Before either of them could even utter a single noise Rin was snatching his phone and walking right out of the room.

Sousuke blinked at the screen. "So… uh. Rough day?" Haru peered over his arm, eyes red and tears stained onto his cheeks.

"What do you think?"

"I guess that was a stupid question." Sousuke itched at the back of his neck, hoping Rin would get back damn soon. "Look, I don't know what's going on or whatever but… my old coach always told me that the world is only negative when you look at it that way. If you believe it will get better, than it will. But if you mope about, than all you will see is black and white instead of color." He awkwardly shifted his feet. "It was the advice that got me through my shoulder injury. Maybe it's helpful to you, I dunno. It might not pertain to your situation. I Just- yeah." Sousuke summed up lamely.

Haru tightened the grip on his legs, looking at Sousuke with a tilt of his head.

"…Thanks." Out of everybody, Haru would have never thought words from Sousuke were the ones that made his body tingle slightly with warmth.

Dramatically flinging the door open as Rin does, he return with a loud _thunk_ , stuffing his pocket with his phone and leaning over Sousuke shoulder.

"Okay Haru, listen. Don't get mad, but I called Nagisa up and told him what was going on-"

" _Rin."_ Haru's voice cracked in pitch, staring at the redhead in betrayal. Rin held up his hand to silence him.

"-and him and Rei are going to be on skype for you in just a second. I know, you're mad, but I can't leave you here like this with good conscience." Haru hid his face into his knees again. Well, so much for that warm spark Sousuke gave him.

"Look, I know you don't want anyone to know. But if you can't tell Makoto, at least trust in your friends to be here for you." As if on time, the skype tone began to ring. Rin added him to the call.

"Uwah Haru-Chan!" Nagisa was jumping at the screen as soon as the video connected, looking like he was just about to burst into tears. "I want to hug you so bad! If it wasn't a school night Rei-chan and I would fly out to you in an instant!" Rei, who was at his side, was nodding in his own agreement.

"The distance has never felt so long, Haruka-sempai." Haru bit his cheek to try and contain his emotions. Just hearing Nagisa and Rei's voices was enough to fill his stomach with homesickness to an overwhelming point. He missed them, he missed Iwatobi, he missed his pool, his tub, his ocean... Most of all he missed the way things used to be. Makoto at his side, Nagisa pestering Rei up in front, and the world just being… right.

But that was all just a memory now. Such moments could only survive in the past. There was no way to return to such a fairytale anymore.

"Take care of him, okay guys?" Rin said to Nagisa and Rei quietly. "I hate to run but I really can't miss this. Cheer him up, get some mackerel in him, and try to talk him out of anything stupid. Haru," Rin glanced over to him. "The seminar won't be too long, I'll call you when it gets done, okay?" Haru nodded into his knees. "Hang in there." The screen filled with Nagisa and Rei as Rin ended his side of the call.

"Haru-chan…" Nagisa's voice wavered, as if unsure of what to say. He exchanged a glance with Rei. Nagisa decided to try again. "Haru-chan, Rin-chan said that… you fell in love with Mako-chan. Is that… true?" Tugging at the hem of his pants, Haru tried to breathe and calm himself before answering.

"Yeah…. I love him." Haru squeezed his eyes shut. "I love him a lot."

"Haruka-sempai, do you… really mean that?" Haru's eyes began to sting. How could Rei even ask something like that?

" I've never been so sure about something in my life."

"See, Mako-chan. I told you."

"Haru…" Haru gave a sob of agony, covering his mouth with trembling fingers as the third voice registered to his ears. He couldn't see, couldn't feel, couldn't breathe. _Makoto… Makoto had-…_

"Nagisa what did you do!?" Haru cried at the screen, sharp needle pricks surrounding his chest and spreading outward, his entire stomach feeling like it had all but disappeared. He looked left and right, up and down, to the corner of his room and back, his eyes searching for everything and yet nothing as panic began to shatter him. Heavy breathing filled the room, Haru reaching up to his throat to pull off the invisible fingers suffocating him, his head so dizzy that the room swam and swirled. The look he gave to his kouhai was nothing short of betrayal.

"Haru-chan, I'm sorry!" Nagisa had his own tears now. "This was Rin-chan's idea… He said- He said that you were suffering and this was the only way to help you!"

"I didn't ask for anybody's help! I-I just-"

"H-Haru I'm coming over." Makoto interrupted, his own voice cracking. "We need to talk-"

"N-No!" Haru shouted at him. "I don't want to talk about anything!"

"Haru-" Haru grabbed the top of his laptop and slammed it shut, burying his face into his blankets. Not three seconds later his phone was buzzing, Makoto's name lit up on the screen. Haru pressed ignore. Two more times he called, Haru ending them as soon as the buzz rang. Nagisa called. Rei called. On Makoto's fifth try, Haru pressed green and set it against his ear.

"Makoto, I don't think we should see each other anymore."

"Haru-"

"It's best for both of us." Haru continued, completely cutting him off.

"It's not-"

"You have Hiromi, you don't need me anymo-"

"HARUKA PLEASE!" Makoto's voice shook with a sob. "Don't… Don't say anymore!" Of the heart that he thought was already broken, another piece of it managed to shatter more. Both lines were silent, Haru crying quietly into his pillow.

"Haru, listen to me." Makoto was struggling to even talk, his voice slightly muddled from background noises. "I'm… I'm getting on the train now. Please just… wait for me."

As the line went dead Haru searched for Rin's number and sent him a text.

 _Why?_

Why did Rin do this to him? Why couldn't Rin mind his own business? Everyone knew now. _Makoto_ knew. Now all he could do is drown in the abyss that he had created, uncertain of so many things except for his desire for everything to just _stop._

To his surprise, he received a reply minutes later.

 _Because Makoto feels the same._


	11. Chapter 11

11.

Rin's words refused to sink in, no matter how hard Haru tried to understand them. It was impossible. He could recognize the words contextually, but the meaning was far beyond his abilities. It was as if reading a foreign language- he could announce the words out loud, even in perfect annunciation, but all that he could take from it was that it meant _something._ The intent was lost in some labyrinth of a maze with walls so tall they reached far beyond the sky. Haru couldn't even move, unable to persuade his feet to head towards unveiling the truth hidden in the depths of Rin's words.

Instead, Haru hid. Grabbing the edge of his blanket he covered himself, burying into his make-shift shield and attempted sanctuary. In here, he felt that maybe the outside world would stop and he wouldn't have to understand anymore. After all, it was easier to hide, to run away then to confront what was soon to blow down his door.

He was being a coward. Haru knew that more than anybody. He was afraid of Makoto, his best friend, of all people. The person that he loved. Surely he had the strength to stand up and fight, if it was towards him…

But Haru didn't. Because it was Makoto, he was spineless. Instead of pushing the fear out like he normally did, he was left consumed by it. All the worries, all the un-sures. They roamed free while Haru curled up in the corner of his mind, too terrified to move. There was no light anymore.

At the sudden sound of his apartment door colliding into the wall for the second time that day, Haru curled himself tighter into his bundle of blankets. His heart pounded faster than the footsteps that ran, thudding even more so when they came to a stop. There was a brisk, unrelenting silence that filled the air.

"Haru…" At Makoto's voice Haru twitched further into himself, cuddling his hands and the fabric that covered them tight against his lips. It felt wrong to avoid Makoto, almost as if he was betraying himself for doing so. But he lacked the strength to uncover himself in fear of what he might find. An indifferent Makoto. A regretful Makoto. A Makoto that did not love him.

"Haru." This time Makoto's voice was stronger, more resolved in calling out his name. Haru did his best to ignore him, even as his body felt a primal need to respond _. Makoto… Makoto was calling for him…_

That was when a warmness spread across Haru's shoulder.

In an instant Haru sprang to life and was pulling away from the touch as if it burned him, attempting to run, because how can the pain gnawing at your chest possibly be soothed by the person causing it? It was impossible- futile!

But Makoto didn't seem to believe so. The moment Haru started to move he kneeled one leg onto the bed and desperately grabbed at his shoulders, tearing the blanket away from his face as if he was suffocating underneath it. At the loss of his last sanctuary, Haru gave a whimper before using shaking fists to try to push away from the brunette's chest.

"Why are you fighting me!?" Makoto voice broke as he tried to pull Haru's fists into his hands and stop the resistance against himself. With Haru's current lack of strength he succeeded, grabbing both fists tightly and holding them above their heads, forcing Haru into an unsteady kneel.

"Because!" Haru refused to look up and so instead stared at the crumpled blanket between them, eyes wet as new tears began to form. He bit his lip hard to stop them. "I have to! I can't-"

"Are you really that afraid of what I came here to say?" Makoto tightened his grip. "Are you really that scared of me?" A palm that was always so gentle and kind was now holding on with shaking fingers. Any more pressure and Haru would have surely felt pain. It terrified him.

"…Yes." Haru breathed, looking up into green as a tear escaped down his cheek. All he found there was devastation.

Makoto looked at Haru with the gaze of absolute despair, his eyes, so usually filled to the brim with sunshine, now dark green and trembling before him. They were no longer wide and excitable, but instead heavy, weighed down into slits as Haru's words hit him in full force.

"H-Haru…" Meant to be strong, Makoto's voice came out in a barely-there whisper. "You know I'd… I would never…" With a choking noise Makoto abruptly stopped, words suddenly too hard for him to convey. Instead he lowered their hands so they laid between them, curling his fingers into Haru's fists and unraveling them with some effort, petting the back of Haru's hand with a gentle stroke of his thumb.

Quietly, Makoto began to cry. It wasn't like how it was with Haru. There wasn't any sobbing or choked breaths, or even an ugly sound. His tears were completely silent, gliding down his face like rain to a window in quite somber. There was no way to know where they stopped and where they began, just a steady stream to join in Haru's already created lake.

"I'm sorry Haru I just… I have to know." Makoto sniffed, rolling his eyes around like that would somehow stop his tears. "Is Haru-chan really in love with me?"

"What, you want me to say it again!?" Haru tried to pull his hands away but Makoto wouldn't let go, holding on as if he would float out of his reach if he did. It was cruel of him, unbelievably cruel to expect him to say it all over again. "Didn't you hear it clearly the first time!?" Able to get his hands away with a frantic tug, Haru reached for what was closest to him and began pathetically smacking Makoto with a pillow.

Makoto easily grabbed it to a stop, Haru struggling to gain control of it.

"I-I did but..! Right here, right now! I need to know! I need to hear how you feel!"

As aggressively as he could Haru shoved the pillow into Makoto's chest and head-butted him, burying his face into the disarrayed pillow.

Why? Why was it like this? Did the world really want to see him die this much?

"Yes Makoto I love you!" Haru practically screamed, his throat burning. "I love you so much that everyday hurts and it feels like I can never breathe! God I fucking love you, Makoto! But," Haru attempted to breathe, but all it sounded like was a wheeze. "But I know you _can't_ return it _!_ I'm-I'm not stupid! So _please-_ "

"Haru-"

"You have Hiromi-"

" _Haru-!"_

 _"_ I know where I'm not wanted-" The pillow was tossed away and blazing palms grasped both sides of his face, pulling Haru in a swift motion up to Makoto's level, nothing but a breath apart. His hands practically sizzled against the wetness of Haru's cheeks.

And then Makoto's lips pressed against his and the world ceased to exist.

It was small and chaste, soft with a gentle pressure that made Haru's head dizzy and his insides melt. His heart didn't just spark; it ignited. Every inch of him burned with an untamable fire, his soul lit with a bright flame. And yet he was frozen, taken completely off-guard by the fact that Makoto was _kissing_ him.

 _Because Makoto feels the same._

Oh. _Oh._ Rin's words no longer seemed foreign. They seemed right. They seemed _perfect._ His doubt in the red-head was completely gone, all sense of betrayal fluttering to the wind as Makoto pulled him closer.

What he had imagined couldn't even compare to the reality. His lips were certainly soft, but there was a toughness to them too, strong just like the rest of him. And the heat of them; Makoto was a natural furnace but his lips burned the hottest, enflaming his cooler lips until they nearly burned at the same intensity.

But Haru had been right on one thing. His lips were home. Like this he felt completely safe, the threat of his fallen world no longer reaching him. As far as he was concerned, there was no other world.

Gently, like coaxing a baby bird, Makoto titled his head and began to move his lips, carefully deepening their press. Haru, sure of only his desire to keep this feeling in his heart alive, timidly moved his own.

He had no idea what he was doing- it was quite obvious from the start. But Makoto seemed okay with that. He took the lead with tender grace, moving their mouths together in a simple rhythm that Haru quickly caught onto, visibly shivering at Makoto's touch. Shyly he clutched at Makoto's shirt, unsure of what to do with his hands but still harvesting a desire to be touching Makoto.

When Makoto began to pull away, Haru yanked his shirt to bring him right back, cold air touching his lips for but a second before Makoto once again was kissed him. He couldn't let Makoto stop, not yet, not when he had been graced with a bit of heaven.

He didn't need the oxygen. He didn't need to breathe. All he needed was Makoto.

Makoto smiled into the kiss this time, rubbing at Haru's tear stains with his thumbs before sliding his fingers back into his hair, entangling them into the messy black void. Haru, unsure but eager, kissed at Makoto lovingly, enjoying the way Makoto's lips caressed against his own, how amazingly sweet they tasted and how sunny they now felt with a smile now adorning across his face.

He could have stayed as they were forever.

As their lips once again were torn apart Haru immediately felt a small sense of loss, though that sense quickly left him as Makoto bonked their noses together.

"Haru I love you. My feelings are the same. So please… don't say that you're not wanted. Don't take yourself away from me. I couldn't bear it if I lost you. I love you… I love you so much."

Makoto… loved him. It was the same. Their feelings were the same. Haru couldn't even fathom this thought, he mind frozen and thick like mud as he tried to grasp onto the situation. His heart had impossible rhythm, beating rapidly at one second but then stopping the next. It was too hard to grasp the meanings and connotations that could be behind Makoto saying these things to him, but there was one thing he could understand. Love. And that was really all he needed.

"O-okay." His voice thick with emotion, Haru reached up and wrapped his arms around Makoto's neck, burying his face into his best friend's cheek. "If you'll have me…"

"Not a day has gone by that I haven't wished to have you at my side." Makoto whispered, brushing Haru's hair back with careful fingers. Last minute tears fluttered down Makoto's face as he blinked."To have you say that you suddenly don't want to see me anymore… I thought my heart stopped beating. I could barely breathe…" Makoto pulled away slightly to look at him, and Haru could see the pain of his words reflected in Makoto's eyes. "What happened Haru? What suddenly changed?"

Biting his lip, Haru turned his head to the side and tightened his grip on Makoto's shirt. He couldn't bring himself to state the reason, the truth of it all weighing heavily upon his tongue.

"Noth-"

"Please don't say nothing." Makoto interrupted quietly, stroking the nape of Haru's neck with his thumb. It was a gentle touch, but Haru could feel the tension in his press. "I know that it's not true."

In that instant Haru realized that nothing in this moment would cause Makoto more pain than being lied to. He took a deep breath.

"Hiromi told me she didn't want me to see you anymore…"

"... _what?"_ Makoto's response was breathless, slowly pulling away his fingers to hang back at his side as the rest of his body grew ridged.

"She… didn't think it was right of me to stick around with such strong feelings for you. She said it was in the best interest of all of us if I… left you alone." Haru's voice faded to nothing, releasing Makoto to place his hands in his lap. Even with Makoto here, offering actual proof that all of those words were completely _wrong,_ Haru was still left with a sharp pain in his chest at the simple idea. If Rin hadn't interfered, If Nagisa and Rei hadn't agreed to help, he would be sitting here all alone without a home to return to.

"…When did she do this?" Makoto's jaw was unbelievably tight, making the words come out sharp and abrupt. Even without touch Haru could see him shaking, his knuckles turning white as he clutched his knees.

"This afternoon."

"Hiromi-chan made you cry." It was not a question, but a statement, one of which turned Makoto's eyes stone cold. "Hiromi-chan hurt you."

Haru looked at his hands, rubbing his thumb against a finger in unanswerable silence. Like searchlights he could feel Makoto's eyes on him, exploring each and every inch of skin with not even a hair forgotten.

"She had no right…" Makoto whispered, his voice thick. "No right to ask that of you."

Makoto was angry. Haru could feel it through the air, dangerous sparks practically flickering right off the brunette's skin even as he just kneeled there. It wasn't an often occurrence, rarely ever, but Haru knew well enough to be cautious when Makoto became this way. It wasn't so much his physical appearance that changed, but that his inner-self flashed electric.

Because of that, Haru could sense it the most. His lips became thin. His body grew hard. His eyes lost their usual brightness. But there was also this overall sense of gravity, as if the air around Makoto suddenly grew thicker and pulled the breathable oxygen right out of the room. The sensation was akin to that of a fierce beast, strong and overbearing in a way that made you want to run. It could make Makoto terrifying. Haru had never been on the opposing force of it. He had, however, been a witness when Makoto confronted a bully teasing his siblings.

"Makoto…" Haru reached over to grab one of his hands, hoping to somehow soothe him. "She wasn't- Hiromi was just trying to do what she thought was best. It wasn't her goal to upset me-"

"I don't care!" Makoto cried, face animated. He desperately held onto the hand Haru offered him with both his own, squeezing it tightly. "Her reasons don't matter to me! She _hurt_ you Haru!"

"It was supposed to be for your best interest." Makoto laughed at Haru's words, sounding all but natural from the sheer force of it.

"My best interest? Haru, you _are_ my best interest. If there is a life that I could never live without, it's yours. Without you, it's all meaningless." Haru swallowed hard.

"You've said that before." He looked at Makoto shyly through his bangs. "Back in Iwatobi about the relay."

"I meant it. About swimming, about the team. Even now, here in Tokyo. Everything feels meaningless when I don't have you here with me." Haru felt his cheeks grow pink, though a frown crossed his lips as a thought crossed his mind.

"Is that how Hiromi makes you feel?" Haru expect Makoto to pause, to stop and think about for at least a moment. Instead the response was instantaneous.

"No." Haru's heart swelled in his chest, thumping against his ribs in a peaceful drum. Having drowned in painful aches for weeks, the change in beat felt nothing short of sensational. He would have liked nothing more than to swim in the warmth forever.

"Hiromi-chan is sweet, and I do care about her. But Haru, it's only you that I love." Caught off-guard by the use of love once more, Haru could only blink as Makoto placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

"A-are you sure?" He was stupid to question, stupid to bring it to attention, but as long as some doubt lay waiting in his stomach, he had half a mind to call this entire encounter a dream. Haru yearned for proof that showed Makoto's decision was his own and not just another fantasy.

"As sure as your eyes are blue." There was no hesitation nor lie in his eyes, the ice from before chipping away to show honeyed emeralds that only wished to prove his words.

Softly, his eyes lighting up like candles, Haru began to smile. It rolled like waves inside him and spread to all his parts, engulfing even the deepest part of himself with a delicate light. There was no weight, no sense of mass pulling him down and taking him back into the great abyss that he had been drowning in. He could finally float along and be free.

Haru no longer needed to be immersed in water to feel bliss. [1]

With that in mind he began to cry, not out of despair but for everything. He cried for all the pain he suffered for the past two months, all the rough times when he thought he could no longer keep going, and all the lies that he told not to just Makoto but also himself. He cried for the lost time for not knowing things sooner, and the missed opportunities his indifference had caused. But mostly he cried out of relief, knowing that he was not going to lose Makoto, that their feelings were the same. All this time, Makoto would have accepted his love. There had been no reason to be afraid. Haru cried for this most of all.

Makoto held him in quiet compassion, cradling him like a small child to his chest with gentle strokes to the back, his face pressed into the softness of Haru's hair. Every now and then he would press light kisses to Haru's forehead or to the top of his head, offering gentle noises in hope of giving comfort.

By the time he hiccupped to a stop, Haru could barely keep his eyes open from the sheer weight of his puffed lids.

"Do you need some water?" Makoto asked him, resting his hands on Haru's lower back. Though the answer would always undoubtedly be yes, Haru shook his head.

"Makoto, what are you going to do?" Though a rather broad question, Makoto didn't need any clarification to understand. Haru didn't expect he would need one.

"I'll break up with Hiromi-chan." At this point, Haru figured as much. He felt Makoto lean into his shoulder.

"I've ruined your relationship. I'm sorry, Makoto." Haru bit his lip, knowing that no matter how Makoto tried to swing it, he would always be the factor that broke them up.

"Haru, no." Makoto shook his head. "All you've done is hurt yourself trying to keep me and Hiromi-chan together. It's me who should be apologizing. I never should have started dating her in the first place. Not when I had feelings for you already."

So Makoto had had feelings for him _before_ Hiromi? This made him as happy as it made him sad. Had he been as oblivious as Makoto had been to his own?

"Don't regret it." Haru slowly pulled away to look at him. "At least, I don't think you should. If… If it wasn't for Hiromi, I don't think I would have ever realized how I felt. Things would have just stayed the same. Even if it was painful… It was what I needed to know the truth."

"Haru-chan really is kind." Makoto brushed the hair sticking to his face with an affectionate gaze. "If you say so, then I won't. But that doesn't mean that I'm not mad at her for what she said to you. Nothing can make up for that. Is that okay?"

"Mmm." Haru nodded, finding his response more than acceptable.

"But," Makoto sighed, stretching his arms above both their heads. "I'm not going to worry about that right now. Everything can wait until tomorrow. My first and only concern tonight is you."

With a gentle slide Makoto separated himself from Haru, standing up and pushing his deranged hair out of his face. "What does Haru want? Some food maybe?"

His hollowed stomach echoed in answer, causing him to turn a bit pink despite Makoto being unable to hear it. From the anxiety the entire day had brought him, Haru hadn't been able to stomach even the idea of food. With that, as well as the energy spent on crying and trying to understand all that was going on, Haru was able to conclude the obvious quite easily: he was famished.

"I could eat." Haru answered, carefully maneuvering his way off the bed. He felt a bit wobbly as he stood, the after-effects of all his emotions making his legs feel like jelly. As he was now he probably couldn't carry a pile of books without tipping over.

"Do you want some mackerel?" Haru looked over at him with a bit of surprise, a very faint gleam in his eyes.

"I might have some squid if you'd rather have that…" He whispered quietly, not wanting to force the option directly onto him. Makoto just shook his head with a light smile, grabbing Haru's hand.

"Rin asked me to get some mackerel in you, remember?"

"Oh…" That's right. Makoto had been there when Rin had left. "So he was talking to _you_ before he left." He felt a squeeze to his hand and looked at Makoto curiously.

"Rin loves you, Haru. He did all this because he wanted you to be happy. Don't be too angry with him. Nagisa and Rei too."

"I know." Haru offered a weak smile. "I'm not mad." At least, not anymore. "They were doing what they thought was best."

"Mmm." Makoto nodded, starting to lead him out of the bedroom and into the rest of the apartment. "Because of them I now know how Haru feels about me. I almost feel as if I should be thanking them."

Haru felt the same. They were all meddlesome in a way that was almost maddening, but he would be nowhere without them. Rin, and Nagisa and Rei too, they all saved him.

"Makoto, can you get a new box of rice from the shelf up there?" Arriving in the kitchen, Haru regretfully let go of Makoto's hand to reach for a pan to cook the fish in. "Some tall idiot decided to put all my groceries on the high shelf."

"Wait no Haru, I'm supposed to cook for you!" Makoto looked most upset, pouting his cheeks in puffs as Haru reached to turn the stove on.

"You touch this pan and I fry you instead." With a stern gaze, or at least with the strictest expression he could muster in his condition, Haru pointed the frying pan at him. "I appreciate it." He added. "But I won't let you cook on my stove until hell freezes over."

Chuckling, Makoto held up his hands in submission.

"Alright, I'll stay away. You wanted rice, you said? Should I also grab the mackerel out from the fridge?"

"Yeah." Makoto did as he asked, setting all the ingredients Haru required next to him on the counter, as well as with a bottle of water that he hadn't asked for.

"You should drink some of this." The brunette tapped the cap thrice, calling attention to it. "Your body can't be used to losing so much water." Haru wasn't sure if his words were all out of concern or if Makoto was poking a little fun at how much of his life revolved around water, but he nodded to the request anyways.

"Okay."

"Good boy." Makoto reached over to pat him on the head, then leaning in to kiss the side of his neck with a small peck.

"W-what am I, a dog?" Haru tried to use words to distract from the fact that he _totally_ had jumped at the contact, already forgetting that Makoto could _(_ and would!) do that now. Makoto, of course, was not fooled, and just laughed instead.

"Did I startle you?"

"…no." God if that wasn't the most pathetic-sounding lie he had ever given in his life.

"Hmm." Makoto hummed, still smiling. "I won't distract you anymore, don't worry. Let me know if you need help." Watching Makoto walk away towards the living room, Haru gave a small sigh of relief.

It wasn't that he didn't enjoy the contact, because he most definitely did, but it was just that his heart wasn't ready yet. His body was still trying to adjust to the fact that things were _different_ now. A good different. An amazing different. To expect himself to go from utter defeat to a heavenized dream in less than an hour and to be totally accepting of it would be like expecting an infant to know how to walk without instruction. He knew it would take adjustment- he hoped that Makoto understood that too.

"Hey Haru, why is your backpack all over the floor?" Looking up from his train of thought, Haru noticed Makoto leaning down to pick up the contents splattered all over the carpet.

"I couldn't find my phone earlier. I just kind of threw it all over the ground and left it there." Makoto held up something in response.

"I think I stepped on one of your notebooks." He grimaced. Even from here Haru could see a dirty print of Makoto's shoe on the cover of his English notes. Haru shrugged in response, looking back at his cooking fish.

"Its just English. I couldn't care less."

"You really should take your studies more seriously." Makoto sighed, pulling everything into a pile and sliding it back into Haru's bag. He stood back up, only to right away reach into his pockets. "Oh, hey, Nagisa is calling me." Haru's grip on the pan in front of him tightened considerably.

"Mako-chan!" Nagisa's blubbering could be heard in a snotty sob, even from where Haru stood at the stove the minute Makoto pressed talk and held the phone against his ear. He wasn't even crying coherent sentences. The only words Haru could get out of it where 'talking', 'hate', and 'sorry'.

"Nagisa calm down!" Makoto tried to shush him, glancing at Haru for some help. Of course, Haru had none to give. "I can't understand you. Go blow your nose."

Haru stirred the rice.

"Okay, that's better." Walking and talking, Makoto made his way over to where Haru stood. "It's fine. No, Haru is not off crying in a ditch somewhere. Yes, I'm with him. Yes, we worked it all out. Things are okay now. No, he doesn't hate you. Nagi- Nagisa! I'm going to give him the phone and you can see for yourself." Makoto handed the phone to Haru who already had his palm outstretched.

"Nagisa."

"HARU-CHAN IM SORRY!" His eardrums throbbing, Haru immediately held the phone away at arm's length until he was done. "I'm so so so so so so so so sorry!"

"Nagisa, calm down. I'm not mad at you."

"But Haru-chan!" Nagisa sniffed, and Haru could practically hear the snot dripping down the blonde's nose. "You looked so _upset_ and it was all because of us- we just threw you out there without any concern of your feelings! Oh god you must hate us…"

"I don't hate you, Nagisa." Haru told him honestly. "I'll admit it, you scared the shit out of me. I thought I might actually die from all the things I felt. But Makoto came and... well, managed to put me back together. If nothing else I should be thanking you for getting me here. I wouldn't have been able to do it without the three of you."

"Haru-chan…!" The rest that he spoke was incomprehensible, but Haru gave a small smile anyways. He was rather well trained in Nagisa speak to get the gist of it.

"Yes, yes. I care about you too. I'm going to give you back to Makoto now, okay?"

"O-okay." Haru handed Makoto his phone back, giving most of his attention back the their meal while still keeping an ear on the conversation Makoto was having behind him.

"See Nagisa? I told you. Yeah. Yeah. Y-yeah." Whatever Nagisa said next then turned Makoto's face bright red. "N-Nagisa! No, don't ask it again!" Haru could hear the tinkle of laughter on the other side of the line. "Look I have to go. Haru said dinner is almost ready." _Liar._ "Yes, I'll let him know to call you. Yes. Oh my god Nagisa you're killing me!" Makoto abruptly hung up the line.

"Something wrong?" Haru couldn't help but smirk a little.

"N-nothing at all." Makoto still hadn't bounced back from his overall blush, looking in all directions that weren't Haru. "So uh, what do we still need? Plates?"

"Up there." Haru pointed, watching him curiously. "You sure you're okay?" Makoto paused from reaching up, looking at him with eyes that went from hectic to gentle.

"Yeah. I'm good. More than good, actually." Haru curled his toes, each tingling from his gaze. "I don't think I've ever been this happy."

It was kind of funny. Haru could have said the same.

XxXxXxXxXx

It went without being said that Makoto was going to spend the night. Haru didn't have to ask, Makoto didn't have to tell. They ate their meal like they always did, sitting across from one another with minimal discussion taking up the air. There was, of course, a little bit of difference. When they made eye contact, they sung. When one of them wasn't looking, they admired. And sitting right in the middle of the table was their hands, laying right next to each other with their pinkies interlocked. The desire to touch wasn't stifling- they could have managed without any at all- but it was there, and instead of ignoring it they did it in the most comfortable way possible. By a simple touch.

When dinner was done Haru left for a bath as Makoto offered to do the dishes. Sitting there in the tub he found that his need to be in the water decreased exponentially. He still loved it- the way it cooled his skin, hugged him in all its gentle ways and gave him an overall sense of tranquility and security.

But he wanted to be with Makoto.

For the first time in maybe all of his life, he could have cared less if he sat in the water another minute. It wasn't an act of betrayal for him to leave the water prematurely. It just meant that he had finally, in his young 19 years, found something that he loved more than his greatest treasure. The water was more than accepting on giving him away.

That was why he was able to be gone only 15 minutes. That was why he didn't even allow the skin on his palms to prune. That was why he, Haruka Nanase, could smile even as he drained the tub. [2]

"Wow that was quick." Makoto peered over the couch from where he sat as Haru returned, the TV playing on low in front of him. All he could see was a cartoon cat and duck talking on the screen. Haru shrugged as he ran the towel through his hair, his pajama pants hanging loosely off his legs.

"I didn't need that much time. What are you watching, anyways?"

"Oh, it's this show I used to watch with Ren and Ran back home. It's about a brother and sister getting into whacky adventures together." Makoto patted the couch for Haru to come sit, to which Haru quickly complied to.

"How can they be siblings? They aren't even the same species."

"They have different parents." Makoto informed him brightly. "See, that's the mom and the dad should be coming home… right about now! I've seen this episode before."

"How often did you watch this show?" Haru raised an eyebrow at him.

"They watched it religiously." Sighing, Makoto leaned back. "Sometimes I wake up and the theme song will be stuck in my head… We can watch something else, if you'd like."'

"No, this is fine." Haru shook his head. He didn't really care for TV anyways. He only took it from home because his parents told him to. "It reminds you of your siblings, doesn't it?" With a warm smile, Makoto reached over to grab his hand.

"Yeah. It does."

Somehow they ended up watching it for quite a while. Maybe it was the snarky nature of the cat-boy or the fun-loving nature of the girl-duck that kept them intrigued with their opposite personalities. Maybe it was the fact that they were friends with an emotional boy-shark that _had_ to be Rin's spirit animal, it just had to be dammit. There was even an episode dedicated to him aspiring to swim in the Olympics for gods sake. But maybe it was just because it was nice to sit there and just… be.

No expectations, no crash from reality, not even a fear or a doubt to ruin the time. Further and further away, the idea that their friendship would be tainted was becoming dust in the wind.

Rin did end up calling some time later, offering his apologies just as Nagisa had done. Haru was quick to shutting him up, deciding to explain all that happened once the red-head left. He felt as if he owed Rin at least that much. A couple of heartfelt back-and-forths then transpired after he finished, Rin even calling Makoto an asshat for making things so complicated once Haru put him on speakerphone.

By the time Rin gave them a final 'I'm happy for you idiots' and hung up, Haru was pretty much dead on his feet. With Makoto's suggestion of sleep, they both took equal part in turning things off, heading towards Haru's bedroom.

"What do you want to wear to bed?" Haru asked him, bending to dig in his bottom drawer.

"I don't think you have anything that will fit me…" Makoto chuckled. "I'll just sleep in this."

"Nonsense." Haru leaned to the side so Makoto could see the drawer better. He had several of Makoto's shirts, plus a couple of bottoms that would easily fit him. "What do you want?"

"Why do you have so many of my clothes?" Makoto laughed, his amusement reaching all the way to his eyes.

"I… like to sleep in them." Embarrassed from actually admitting it, Haru looked off to the side. To be fair, Makoto left a couple of them here _himself._ The orange and white shirt? Yeah okay he stole that a little bit ago. It was his favorite and he couldn't resist. Haru flung some clothes in Makoto's general direction, standing up with an overbearing cover of red on his face.

"God, Haru that is…" Makoto hid his mouth with his hand, catching the clothes in the other. "Freaking adorable." With a gentle tug Makoto pulled him over by the arm, kissing him on the temple.

"I just… they're nice and airy okay!"

"Hmm." Makoto smiled into his forehead.

"G-Get changed!" Embarrassed beyond belief, Haru gave him a light shove and walked over to the bed and fussed with the sheets. He cleared his throat before speaking again. "How did you want to sleep? We could lay on the floor or go back to the living room."

"The bed should be fine." Makoto was already in his change of pants and yanking off his old shirt.

"But we don't fit on it very well…" Haru lamely flopped the blankets up to catch some air in it before they glided down slowly.

"I think we will this time."

"I don't see how…" Fully changed now, Makoto walked over and bent around Haru, adjusting the sheets and pillows carefully before holding the comforter up.

"Just trust me. Go ahead and crawl in." Looking at Makoto doubtfully, Haru sighed and did as his best friend asked, making sure to scooch all the way towards the wall. Before Makoto joined him, he went back to turn off the lights.

Immersed suddenly in darkness, Haru could only feel Makoto return to him, taking note of the shuffle of the blankets and indent of the bed.

"This is just like before." Haru pouted, looking at his shadow. "You're going to fall off in the night, Makot-Oh!"

Alarmed as hands suddenly snaked around his waist, Haru physically jumped as Makoto attempted to pull him close, curling him against his side and laying him in the crook of Makoto's elbow. He could feel the beat of Makoto's heartbeat under his palm, his breath tickling the top of his head.

Oh.

Like this, there was definitely room for the two of them.

"Did I surprise you again?" Makoto snickered, squeezing his waist into a more comfortable hold. Haru pressed his nose into Makoto's chest.

"Shut up."

"I think like this we will be okay." Was it just him, or did Makoto almost sound _proud_ of himself? Well, whatever. Despite the initial shock factor, Haru found the position growing increasingly comfortable, curling his legs in so one of them slid in between Makoto's.

"Hey… Makoto?" He asked shyly.

"Yes?"

"Can I… kiss you?" There was a pause.

"Haru, you don't have to ask. Kiss me all you like." Taken aback from his words, Haru took a moment before he moved, crawling up the rest of Makoto's torso before he was sure that their heads were level. Though dark, he could still see the intensity of the green.

Haru gave nothing more than a light nudge with his lips, a kiss so G that even a little kid could do it, but to him it meant so much. He had something that he never thought he would have. A chance to be with Makoto. A soft kiss, a rough kiss, either of them would have meant the same. All he wanted to do was convey a simple message.

"Makoto, I love you."

"I love you too, Haru."


	12. Chapter 12

12.

 _"Makoto, I need you to do something for me." Sitting at his kitchen's table with research texts stacked up in front of him, Makoto was surprised with the sudden seriousness of Rin's request._

 _"Rin? What is it?" It wasn't like Rin to be mysterious- He was upfront and brash, jumping into situations with straightforward honesty._

 _"I need you to be completely silent for the next couple of minutes." If he wasn't concerned before, he was now._

 _"Silent? What for?" It was at this time that Nagisa's voice came into the picture, his tone lacking its usual carefreeness and instead reverberating in urgency._

 _"Mako-chan it's really important."_

 _"Nagisa?" Makoto rubbed at his neck. "Guys, I don't understand."_

 _"Look, Makoto." Rin paused, as if thinking about his words carefully. "Has Haru been… acting strange lately?"_

 _"Haru?" Makoto sat up straighter. "No… Not that I have noticed. Why, Rin is something wrong?" worry leaked into his voice, his mind already jumping to the negative. Was Haru hurt? Injured? Off bleeding in a ditch somewhere?_

 _"Haru's… upset." Rin answered vaguely. "And it's all his own fault because he won't freaking tell you anything!"_

 _"Tell me what?" Unable to sit still, Makoto stood up from his chair and began pacing the living room. "What's going on, Rin? Is Haru okay?"_

 _"This is why you need to stay quiet, Mako-chan. You'll find out soon enough." That wasn't enough. He wanted to know now! He had to know, if it was concerning Haru. His blood was flowing like lead in his veins and he could feel it weighing him down._

 _"Nagisa-"_

 _"Shush, Makoto." Rin interrupted. "Nagisa, you and Rei know what you're supposed to do, right?"_

 _"Yeah. Are you really sure about this, Rin-chan?"_

 _"I can't leave this alone anymore. It's too much to watch. Call him as soon as you can. And Makoto?" The world hung on Rin's words. "Take good care of him. Haru needs you." And just like that, Rin hung up._

 _"Nagisa." Makoto asked sternly, staring hard at his curtains as if that would suffice for staring right at the blonde's eyes. "Please. What are you guys talking about?"_

 _"Haru-chan has been keeping a secret from all of us." The urgent tone from before was gone and instead was replaced with an emotional shake. "Rin-chan just told me and Rei-chan a minute ago. Trust me, you want to know. But not from us. Let Haru-chan tell you."_

 _"A secret?" Makoto didn't understand. He knew everything about Haru. He made it his business to know. So how could he have missed something clearly important?_

 _"We're going to Skype with Haru-chan, okay? And you have to be quiet, or else it will all be ruined and Haru-chan won't say anything. Just listen through the phone."_

 _"O-okay." Makoto's voice came out small, sitting down on the couch. It felt like his legs couldn't hold his weight. "I'll be quiet, then."_

 _Why was Haru upset?_

 _Why did everybody but himself know?_

 _Why was it so hard for Haru to tell him?_

 _Makoto wanted to know these things. That was why he stayed silent as Nagisa began to skype call Haru._

 _"Take care of him guys. I hate to run but I really can't miss this. Cheer him up, get some mackerel in him, and try to talk him out of anything stupid." Rin was talking to him. Makoto knew it. He could tell it from his tone. His stomach joined the weights holding him to the couch. His mind began racing back to previous days._

 _Rin has asked him if he had noticed anything strange. He wanted to find evidence of that behavior, to at least have some inclination of understanding what everyone around him was purposely withholding, but Makoto could find none. This realization made him feel awful, as if he had somehow failed Haru._

 _As his best friend, he should have noticed something. It didn't matter if he knew exactly what, he should have at least realized that something with Haru was not okay._

 _But he didn't. He had no freaking idea. Makoto buried his face in his hands._

 _He had always made it his priority to make sure Haru was okay. Now all he could feel was failure. It was Nagisa's wavering voice that broke Makoto from his self-deprecation._

 _"Haru-chan, Rin-chan said that… you fell in love with Mako-chan. Is that… true?" Makoto could barely breathe from the way his shirt clung to his body in sudden sweat, his ears drumming with the pounding of his heart as the blood rushed from the truck that just hit him with no warning._

 _Haru… what? He must have misheard. Something had been lost in the air between all the wires the conversation was flowing through. That had to be it because… well because he had already deemed it impossible._

 _"Yeah… I love him. I love him a lot." Oh god he was dying. Or perhaps he was already dead, sent to heaven and allowed to hear the words that he had only dreamed about for years. Haru's soft voice, Haru's beautiful lips… they had slayed him with the sweetest of words. Makoto had to cover his mouth from the intensity of it, his breathing coming out in rough gasps._

 _"Haruka-sempai, do you… really mean that?"_

 _"I've never been so sure about something in my life."_

 _Haru left a disaster in his wake, Makoto feeling as if he had been bombed with explosives until nothing was left but his heart, still beating but faint in the chaos of it all. All he knew, all he thought, gone. Like echos of a quake his words resounded across Makoto's skin and ended with his lips, silently repeating what Haru had said as if testing its possibility._

 _"See Mako-chan? I told you." Makoto's face was wet, though he had no memory of when he had begun crying. His voice replied in but a small whisper._

 _"Haru…" An unimaginably horrifying sob ripped through the air and tore at Makoto's still too visible heart, digging its claws in even deeper as he realized it was Haru who had made the noise. The noise was inhuman and raw, the distress and agony so apparent that Makoto was on his feet in an instant, fumbling to pull on his shoes._

 _"Nagisa what did you do!?" Makoto now understood why he had not noticed anything. He had never been meant to. Whatever his reasons, Haru had never planned to utter those three words to him. The room was spinning as Makoto threw open his door._

 _"I didn't ask for anybody's help! I- I just-" he was terrified. Makoto could feel it just from his voice. Haru, who now was crying with no filter, was breaking himself apart._

 _"H-Haru I'm coming over." Makoto interrupted, his voice cracking as he tried to control his own emotions while simultaneously running down the steps. "We need to talk-"_

 _"N-No!" Haru's shout tore him in two. "I don't want to talk about anything!"_

 _"Haru-" There was a sudden loud slam and Nagisa's voice grew louder as if pressing the phone to his ear._

 _Haru hung up on him._

 _Haru didn't want to talk to him._

 _Haru, who had been by his side always, was running away._

 _"Mako-chan, Haru-chan hung up!" Nagisa cried._

 _"I'm calling him!" Aggressively ending the call Makoto didn't even bother looking through his contacts, punching in Haru's number with trembling fingers. It only rang once before the call abruptly ended._

 _"Haru…" he cried to the air, dialing it again._

 _Ignored. Makoto didn't even hesitate. He would keep trying until his fingers fell off if he had to._

 _Ignored._

 _"Haru-chan please…!"_

 _Ignored._

 _"Don't shut me out." Suddenly the call went through. Relief flooded his vision. "Haru-"_

 _"Makoto, I don't think we should see each other anymore." Stop it._

 _"Haru-"_

 _"Its best for either of us." Haru, you know nothing._

 _"It's not-"_

 _"You have Hiromi, you don't need me anymo-"_

 _"HARUKA PLEASE!" Makoto couldn't help but lose control then, his body shaking with a sob. He couldn't listen to Haru talk like this anymore, not when he had it all wrong. "Don't… Don't say anymore!" Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Makoto tried to calm his voice._

 _"Haru, listen to me." He spoke louder as he entered the train station, the people in the background making it difficult to be heard. "I'm… I'm getting on the train now. Please just… wait for me." Before he could listen to any more words of resistance, Makoto hung up._

 _Seconds later he was bent into a crouch, crying into his hands as Haru's words circled in his mind. Haru, who he loved more than life itself, who was the only one who made his world meaningful, who was at home crying and so sure that Makoto would hate him for revealing his feelings knew nothing._

 _"Saying such stupid things…!" Makoto cried to the ground, holding his knees. "Haru you idiot! I love you too, you know!"_

 _And he would prove it. When he got to Haru, he would hold him and never let him go._

 _It didn't matter if this was a dream or a nightmare. Makoto was ready to dive headfirst into the abyss. When it came to Haru, he was never afraid to enter the water._

Makoto let out a breathy sigh, leaning against the brick wall of a bridge that overlooked a small pond below, ducks swimming in placid happiness, the fish doing their best to hide in the seaweed.

It was still hard to believe, even now, that just yesterday his entire world changed. Not even 24 hours has passed since he had kissed Haru's lips for the first time.

There had been countless tears to wipe away from pale cheeks, many needed touches, and several smiles of reassurance that had filled the night, stemming into even this morning when Makoto woke with Haru still curled in his arms. Even if the stars had left and the moon was invisible, his world still seemed to have transcended reality.

Makoto reached over to pinch himself for the millionth time. Nope, still awake he guessed.

He was okay with that. It meant Haru still loved him.

All that was left was to make himself available. That was the hard part.

Texting Hiromi when he woke up had been nerve-wracking, even with Haru by his side. Haru, of course, was as wonderful as ever, supporting him with a soft touch of his fingers and an offer of a warm breakfast. It made telling her they needed to talk much easier when he knew the life he wanted to live was just around the corner.

That didn't stop his stomach, however, from feeling like a giant rock.

Even he knew he had been a major dick. He had used Hiromi to try and get over Haru, which quickly had become a fruitless effort. No matter how many times Haru told him otherwise, Makoto knew he had done them wrong. He and Hiromi both. This was his attempt to fix things, even after having broken the glass into jagged shards.

"Hey, Mako-kun." Makoto blinked as he pulled himself out of his thoughts, glancing over to where Hiromi now stood.

"Hey, Hiromi-chan." He offered a smile, the force of it tensing up his cheeks. Walking over to him, she took her place at his side while dropping a duffle bag to the ground. "How was practice?"

"The same as always. Couch yelling that we will never be fast enough, Mia-Chan fell and sprained her wrist yet again. Same old, same old."

"You look like you worked up a sweat. Want me to go get you some water?" Makoto offered. Hiromi shook her head.

"No, I'm fine thanks. You said you wanted to talk to me about something?" At his side he watched Hiromi tighten her fists, grabbing at the brick with her nails. Guilt gnawed at his stomach.

"Yeah." Makoto bit his lip fighting for the right words to speak. "Hiromi-chan-"

"You want to break up with me, don't you?" Before Makoto could work up the courage to express this desire Hiromi beat him to it, saying it as easy as asking for the time. Completely taking off guard, Makoto stuttered out his response.

"How did you-"

"Know?" she finished for him. Hiromi gave a trembling smile, her eyes turning wet. "Just a feeling I had." He watched her take a deep breath, feeling as if she was taking the breath right out of him. Makoto looked back at the pond.

"Does this have to do with yesterday?" A bit startled by the mention, she looked over at him with wide eyes.

"What do you mean?" Her look was searching, trying to find some kind of answer for the questions raging in her mind. Makoto had always thought that her and Haru's eyes were similar, and in this moment they did seem to reflect the same light and shine with the same glimmer, but they were different and ultimately he knew this. He had spent the past three months trying to persuade himself that they were the same, that he could learn to love them too, but in the end he had figured out the truth. No other eyes could make his heart swell like the cool, yet innocent glance that Haru lavished him with.

He wouldn't lie to them; Hiromi disserved the truth with nothing held back. Of forcing her on this train, by saying yes when he already knew his own feelings, she at least disserved to have honesty.

With this in mind Makoto was able to face them straight on.

"I went over to Haru's last night."

"He _told_ you?" Hiromi looked almost afraid, backing up a step as her voiced cracked in pitch.

"Not by his own choice." Makoto said sternly, his body subconsciously moving into a defensive position. "Haru isn't the type to do that. He would have taken what you said to him to the grave. He is that sort of a person. I made him tell me. Hiromi-chan, you've always been kind. But what you did to Haru… I can't forgive that."

"Well what else was I supposed to do!?" Dramatically she threw her hands up, tears starting to tremble down her cheeks. "Knowing what I know… He's in love with you! You realize this, right?"

Makoto swallowed, unable to stop the small flutter that began to take flight in his stomach. Of course he knew. He hadn't been unable to stop thinking about it since the words came muffled through the computer, nor when the words were thrown at him with despairing cries.

Haru's voice still rung in every silence, filling it up again and again with those three simple words. Soft and quiet, yet so powerful and sure. _I love you Makoto._ Makoto was sure he would never be able to unhear it again. He didn't want to.

"Yes. I know." Makoto looked at her with a solid expression, not a single form of hesitation harbored across his face. "He was crying when he told me."

"What was I supposed to do..?" Hiromi repeated again, this time much more quiet and withdrawn. "I always... I always thought you guys were oddly close, but I didn't really think much of it because you two were childhood friends. But… but then I figured out how he felt and suddenly I got scared! How could I compete with someone you've known your entire life? The more I thought on it, the more I felt like I was losing you." She wiped at her eyes furiously.

"Anyone would, you know. It's not just Haruka-kun, Mako-kun looks at him with such a caring gaze! We've been having such a good time, and I didn't want things to end! So I panicked and did the best I could."

"So you asked him to stay away?" Makoto couldn't help but raise his voice in temper, his eyes a shuddering forest.

"I thought it would be best for all of us."

"Best for all of us?" Makoto shook his head. "No, best for you and me. Haru would have still suffered!"

"I just wanted to keep us together! Was that wrong!?" Makoto, feeling a heat rise in his chest, took a second to look away and calm himself.

Of course it was wrong. Why else would his blood boil this much? To selfishly allow Haru to hurt for his own sake was not something he could do. The fact that Hiromi could not see this was enough to tell him the reality of the situation.

"If… you believed in our relationship, Hiromi-chan. Do you really think you would have worried so much about me leaving you?" [1]

"I…" Rolling her eyes to try and flush away the tears glittering there, her face contorting as she tried to push herself to smile. "Mako-kun I love you."

Like daggers, her words stuck right in the chest as her expression brought the final blow, and Makoto could feel his hands tremble at his sides. It was all his fault, the pain on her face, the tears in Haru's eyes. He had caused this situation with his own selfishness. He had hurt the one he loved, and troubled an innocent girl who had had nothing to do with his unrequited feelings.

Rin was right. He really was an asshat.

"I know." Makoto closed his stinging eyes, ignoring them as best as he could. What right did he have to cry?

He had to stop lying to Hiromi, to Haru, to himself.

The truth was painful, but it was the right route to go.

Only he had to ability to end this.

"Hiromi-chan… I'm sorry. I can't say it back. I can't give you my love. I have none left to offer." When he opened his eyes again he was greeted with a sad smile.

"So you're choosing him, then. You'll return his feelings." Hiromi didn't say it as a question but a finishing statement.

"It's not about choosing." Makoto said quietly. "Haru has always been that person at my side. I don't know what life would be without him. I don't want to know. I love him, Hiromi-chan. I can't even remember a time in which I hadn't. "

Hiromi didn't look startled at all by his words. She had probably learned the truth easily enough on her own. Wiping at her eyes with her fingers, she watched as a bird skidded along the water's surface before taking to the air.

"The person you told me about. The one you said was the reason you couldn't say you loved me because you weren't over them yet. It was Haru, wasn't it?"

Makoto's mind flashed back to when he and Hiromi fought, how he had left the warmness of Haru's arms to try and fix things, and how he had given Hiromi an inkling of the truth that plagued his.

He hadn't been able to forsake his previous love for her.

"Yeah."

"For how long?"

"Five years."

"How cold." She gave a weak laugh. "You never should have said yes to me, Mako-kun. Not when you knew nobody else ever had a chance."

"I did try, Hiromi-chan." Makoto knew he had to emphasize this, he really did, because he didn't want Hiromi to feel like he was a waste of her time. Just like when she said I love you, he wanted to say it back wholeheartedly. But how can you give someone something you've already given away?

The task had always been impossible. Makoto knew this now. It was his naivety that had made him try. But that didn't mean he cared for her any less.

"You're sweet, Mako-kun, and very gentle. I know that you wouldn't intentionally do something cruel. But that doesn't make this hurt any less."

"I'm sorry." Unsure of what to do, Makoto inclined his head slightly in a bow.

"Apologizing doesn't really help, you know?" Hiromi pushed the last of her tears off her face and took a shaking breath. "At least one thing came out of this." She sounded miserable, though a hint of a smile did appear on her face.

"What?"

"I can tell all my friends you're gay." Makoto couldn't help but smile at this as well, allowing a small chuckle to escape.

He hoped that one day Hiromi could forgive him for his actions. If it was possible, he wanted to be able to still consider her a friend. The smiles, the laughs. None of that had ever been fake. Those late nights working on projects and trips to the park and café breaks would always stay in his mind in a fond memory. As Haru had asked him, he would never look at his relationship with Hiromi as a mistake. After all, it lead him to this moment in his life.

"I guess that's it then." Hiromi leaned down to pick up her bag. "I'll see you around, Mako-kun. I… hope you two find happiness."

"Goodbye, Hiromi-chan. Find somebody that will treat you better than I did." She nodded at him, twirling on her feet to walk a couple of paces away.

"Oh, and Mako-kun?" she stopped to look back once more. "Tell Haruka-kun I'm sorry." Admits the drying tears and puffy eyes, the sincerity was there in all truthfulness.

"Yeah. I'll let him know." With a final wave he bid her goodbye, watching her weave through groups of people and across traffic before she turned out of sight.

Turning on his heels to the other direction, Makoto began walking down the slope as he dug into his bag for his phone.

"Makoto?" Haru's voice was like the first ray of sun in the morning, and after being soaked from the storm, Makoto felt his jaw clench in stiff emotion. He wanted to see him. He wanted to see Haru really bad.

"Haru, I talked to Hiromi-chan. We're… no longer together." The other line was silent, and if Makoto was somebody else he would have assumed that Haru hung up, but because he was himself he could still feel Haru's presence through the device, still sense his quiet tone.

"Are you okay?" There is always two sides to every coin. While Makoto prided in his ability to understand Haru better than anybody else, he sometimes forgot that Haru could read him just as well.

"I'm fine." Makoto sniffed, his eyes stinging like before. "This was my choice, remember? I made this decision."

And it wasn't something he could regret, even now with Hiromi's distraught face fresh in his mind and the tears in his eyes threatening to break. He wanted this- he wanted to be with Haru so bad that the distance right now was _killing him._ But that didn't mean the path to get here didn't hurt.

It was a long five years. Five years of hoping, of wishing that maybe fate would change its mind and grant him this one thing. Five years of smiling beside Haru and keeping it in because he cherished his presence more than anything, and to see him go would be a life he could not survive. Five years and a single confession, one that never received anything in response but a confused stare and stutters of his own voice apologizing.

It had been five years of lonely nights. Five years of keeping it together and not letting him know. Five years of desire. Five years of longing. Five years of shooting stars.

And in a single night, it all ended.

"Then why are you crying?" Makoto reached up to flick some tears away with his finger but stopped as the voice didn't sound loudest from the phone he held but with him instead, a figuring coming into view.

"Haru?" Makoto attempted to blink the blurs away, the phone still on call with Haru as his best friend came to light. "Why are you here?"

"I left practice early and took a train here." Haru said quietly, shuffling on his feet as if unsure if that was something he should have done.

"But why-?"

"I thought it might be like this." Haru reached up to push some of Makoto's struggling tears away before they could fall. "You, who is always so kind to others… You never put yourself first." At Haru's touch, Makoto felt his lip tremble.

Was he allowed to cry?

Even though it was all his fault and only had himself to blame?

Could such a selfish desire be okay?

"Stupid Makoto." Haru's voice was soft and soothing, his hand reaching up to ruffle Makoto's hair next. "You'll cause wrinkles if you keep it all inside."

With a hiccup Makoto reached forward and pulled Haru into his arms, pressing his smaller frame tight again his own as he buried his face into Haru's shoulder.

"Haru-chan!" He cried, his body shaking them both. "Haru-chan!" At the call of his name Haru held him tightly. "I'm so sorry! To you and Hiromi-chan! I made both of you cry so much I'm sorry!"

"It's you who's crying." Haru whispered.

"I told her the truth and said I would never be able to return her feelings." Makoto continued to blubber, some of his words fading in and out of coherentness from the growing clog in his throat. "She somehow knew it, could feel it, and yet kept trying to hold onto our relationship and I feel so awful, wasting her time and leading her own when I knew how I felt about you! I should have known that this wouldn't have worked out… But… But I just did it anyway!"

Trying to compose himself, Makoto took a deep breath.

"I was so selfish, trying to have everything. I don't want everything anymore, I just want you. Can… Can I have that? Is it terrible of me to ask?"

"Would that make Makoto happy?"

"More than anything." To always be by his side, Makoto would have desired nothing more.

"T-then you can have all of me whenever you want." Makoto let out a sob but for an entirely different reason than he had before.

"I don't know why I'm crying so much, I'm so happy… Haru-chan loves me… Haru-chan wants to be with me… I don't know what to do I'm so happy!" Makoto hiccupped into Haru's shoulder. "You love me…"

Haru grabbed him by the sides of his face and made it so their eyes met.

"Yeah." Makoto's lips curled into a trembling smile as Haru gently kissed him, his heart thundering and yet cooling all at once.

Immersed in the wonderful water that was Haruka, Makoto could be nothing but swimming in enteral bliss.


End file.
